[FONT="Palatino Linotype"]Well, I am on Birth Control but me and my boyfriend still want to be safe and use condom but when i take the condom out to put it on him he goes limp. what should i do[/FONT] ?:confused:
Thu, 04/21/2011 - 20:13
#1
Boyfriend goes limp when putting a condom
Give him a blow job till he gets hard again or I have heard of girls being able to put a condom on a guy with their mouth; however, stds can be transferred orally.
i do all this but it takes awhile for him to become hard again. and as for the puttin the condom on with the mouth its been done but it still seems to have no use. he seems to go soft wen he sees the condom.. idk wat to do
seems like a mental issue. what if he used condoms more often even when masturbating. otherwise just have the condom already open before you start anything and try to put it on as quickly as possible and the same for getting inside you.
A condom should only be applied when the man is at the peak of his arousal, yet can still maintain control sufficient to roll the condom on and get into position. DO NOT roll the condom on prematurely, meaning before he is at the brink of a climax.
One suggestion is to use a little lube only on the Glans (head) in order to help quickly rebuild his erection using a very light stroking there, then roll the condom on. Next, lubricate the entire exterior surface. Doing so will make it slippery and at the same time continue to stimulate him in order to maintain his erection.
If he continues to go soft, pause the proceedings and go back to fooling around and making out in order to rebuild it. Yes, it may take a few minutes, so do not panic.
you could try a female condom, and from what i have heard it might not be as efective as the male version it will still add to protection, also it does sound like a mental issue, maybe, if he is open to the idea, lightly tie him up and blindfold him, continue foreplay as usual and randomly put the condom on him, if he has no idea it's coming then there should be less of an issue.
Definitly a problem in his head. His brain in effect saying "this will be no fun so why bother?" It is similar to "I can't orgasm while wearing a condom."
By saying and doing this, he is pressuring you into letting him have bareback sex at great risk to yourself. It only takes one spermatazoon to get you pregnant and/or diseased. Yes, you could use the female condom which is less effective than the male condom but you're already responsible for birth control. Making you responsible for the entire safr sex thing is unfair.
He already has effectively made HIS problem into YOUR problem. We know this because you're the one asking, not him. Obviously, you have tried the 'nice' ways of trying to help him out with this problem - oral sex, manual sex, extended and repeated foreplay and so. You could continue down this path - rewarding him by giving him extra attention.
Or you could place the burden of his inability where it belongs - on him -by gradually shifting him over into friend status and finding yourself someone who isn't so afraid of a bit of latex. This may sound harsh but he really doesn't go into heavy duty methods of making himself more sensitive such as repeatedly gently slapping his limp penis with a riding crop - for example - now does he?
He needs to do whatever he needs to do to get it up and keep it up - HIS job, not yours.
Dear DM69, please allow me to pose a question;
How does your bf respond to losing his erection?
Does he get angry or upset or ashamed?
Does he desperately try to get it up again?
Does he relax and continue to cuddle and caress you?
Does he simply do nothing or give up easily?
Does he beg for barebacksex?
Does he emphasize that he does want that condom on?
Etc...
If it's about doing nothing, giving up easily, asking for bareback sex, etc, then I agree with EEK. He's pressuring you, he's not taking responsibility and he's not doing anything or not enough to change it. Take EEK's advice!
If he's clearly sweating over this, I'm thinking he's making it hard on himself without wanting to. Allow me to explain.
Unintentionally learning a physical response
Since you mention that he goes limp the moment you even take the condom out, it seems like a bit of a pavlov-effect. You know; the dog that starts the drool when he gets his food. And the getting of food is accompanied by the sound of a bell. Takes a few times and the dog will drool when the bell rings, even when there is no food. This type of conditioning is one that works in many ways. It's especially unfortunate when this happens to be a negative response. And when the mind starts to fear that response it actually emphasizes it even more! Humans are great at putting the mind at work.
In other words; your bf has come to associate condoms with losing his erection. He now displays a physical reaction by only the image of the condom. His body physically responds immediately. Maybe even thinking about condoms will make his erection subside. This sort of response is not intentional, not to cause you harm or pressure you. It's just as nagging for him as it is to you, but he's the one that continues to stay in this circle.
How to unlearn a physical response
The best thing for him to do would be to relax instead of stress over it. It actually could take one time to get it right to lessen or even break this dreaded negative spiral he's in. Big's advice is a good one; let him practice with condoms on his own while masturbating. Just to get a more positive view on condoms. While together; instead of focusing on getting his erection back, ignore it for a while. Chances are it will get up again once he's not focusing on it and simply enjoying the moment and other sensations together with you.
He could even reverse it; focus on you! For instance by giving you some good oral. Sex is good and fun even when there is no connecting P to V. Thinking of sex this way makes it less heavy and less about accomplishment, more about enjoyment. You could even develop more creative skills into pleasuring eachother. The less the pressure, the better the mood and the more relaxation, the more chance he'll get over this and the better for both of you.
Hope this is of any help.
I commend him for using a condom to protect against STD's and it is a mental thing.
Am I the only one who read that she is on birth control? So bareback would not be an issue.
Wrave, birthcontrol is not 100% effective against pregnancy.
I'd say do some fooling around with a condom without having sex, let him get used to them.
I had the opposite. The first time I was fooling around with a girl and she tried to put me in her vagina without a condom (she was on top of me) I just went limp as I definitely did not want that. later I made it known that i had them to hand should we need them
Birth control does NOT protect against STDs.
Bareback is NOT an option.
Besides why should she take ALL the responsibility for safe sex?
Viagra condom
"Velly Interestingk." And for those not wearing a condom, he can just dip a cotton swab into the condom's reservoir and apply the Zanifi gel directly to the penis, wait for it to act, and proceed with confidence and "all possible 'vigah'" as JFK once remarked.
I wonder if the product will be sold by prescription in the U.S.?