So I've been with this girl for a while; we're in a long distance relationship. I've only really ever had four sexual experiences with her, because of the distance. I'm a virgin, she's not. We've done mutual masturbation and oral, and all of that fun stuff. She says that no guy has ever made her orgasm. She said I came close the first time I ever went down on her. She CAN orgasm from masturbating, but it's important to me that I'm able to do it for her, as well.
Of course, we make our own orgasms. That's kind of the problem. She's self-conscious about a lot of things, and I think she feels like it's her JOB to please guys during sex, and that her pleasure comes secondary. She's wrong, of course.
My question is, should I (the next time I see her), just throw her down on the bed and tell her that she can't touch me for the whole night, and just focus on pleasing her? Or is it something she has to ease into?
I would love it if my SO did that to me! Making ME the center of attention...that gets me all hot and bothered!
I would LOVE that! I love it when my partner makes me want it so bad I can't stand it anymore! Nothing makes me more excited!
it sounds to me like the best option would be to take that slowly! It sounds like an amazing plan, and quite frankly your girlfriend is incredibly lucky! However, you might like to just ease her into it gently. Start by whispering to her gently that this night it's all about her and her pleasure only. Just tell her how much you want to please her and how much it'll turn you in to do so. She'll relax eventually...just stroke her lightly all over and kiss her whole body. Do as you say...worship her body! once she gets into it, then you can start taking more obvious control.
Lauren has got the best idea. She may not be comfortable with you taking total control from the start. I'm sure once she gets into it she'll let you take over even more. Good luck!
Well, she says she likes me being the dominant one (which works out, because that's what I like), but I feel like sometimes she might mean that only because she thinks that's what the "ideal woman" is in bed. I don't know - I'll try it next time I see her.
I agree with Lauren and Adcutey--with a caveat:
We do not give orgasms away to our partner, nor, do we "make him/her" cum. Each of us is responsible for our own orgasms and all any of us can do is help our partner achieve them.
To do so with any sort of guarantee we must first learn how. Of course we all know the basics of fingering a clitoris and stroking a penis; however, there is much more to it than that that I call the "Fine Art" of the matter. Shortly after learning to masturbate, each of us develops a specific technique that is unique to each of us. It is this specialty that must be learned.
Perhaps the best way to do this is to first encourage your partner to masturbate for you in order to get a visual of what is involved. Next, have her take your fingers and guide them over a few sessions until you learn to mimic her method of rhythm, motion, and pressure. It is critically important that she provide feedback either verbally or non-verbally on how she is responding to your caresses and for what she may need next. That said, the same holds true for you with her.
When a person masturbates we benefit from internal feedback. This permits us to modulate our movements and change what we are doing based upon the sensations we feel. When we turn the reins over to someone else, there is no feedback except what we articulate with words or utterances, or, some form of body language that we work out to convey specific meanings.
Before proceeding with your plan, I suggest that the two of you read the following informational Sticky posts. Do this together or separately, but read them. Even if you know all this stuff, a review of the basics is never a waste of time.
Scroll down and begin here with the third chapter in the series:
INTERCOURSE / ORGASMS/ and the gentle art of Making Out, FIRST
Next, read the opening chapter. Even though you are not yet ready for intercourse, there is a lot of ancillary information that is beneficial to know and understand when it comes to making out.
You can read the remaining chapters in any order you want. These chapters contain information for your future endeavors as well as stuff that is just handy to know right now.
Continue by reading these:
For Men and Women Only- Breasts and Play
How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?
After reading these essays, then put your plan into operation and see how she reacts. Good luck.
Got questions? Please feel free to ask.
Very helpful responses - especially from you, doc.
Thanks again.
[QUOTE=Ephemera;179939]Very helpful responses - especially from you, doc.
Thanks again.[/QUOTE]
I think doc should be nominated our resident sex god and live encyclopaedia on sex
I second that.
..third that one.