> we're very comfortable together and have talked about fantasies a little, and I have gotten the impression he would like to be the submissive person... though not always..

As it should be. Tradeoffs add spice and variety and these keep romance alive and vital.

> I have never used blindfold/handcuffs/scarves with anyone before and in terms of timing, what I'm wearing etc.

You have listed many "ingredients" any one or more of which could be the seed for fun and games. It all depends upon the "script" you want to use each time.

* Blind fold him, place him in the passenger seat of the car and drive him on a circuitous route all around town finally ending up at your motel of choice. Before you get there, if possible, arrive early and draw a bath. Refresh it and heat it up if you have to once the two of you arrive.

Lead him inside and undress him, leading him to the bath where you will have candle light or a dim night light for ambiance. Sit him in the tub, make sure he has a washcloth to place behind his neck then sit in front of him between his legs. Allow him to keep you wet and warm by drizzling water over your shoulders while at the same time you too can sit and chat and be caressed.

When it is time to move on, stand up, get him up, shower each other using only soap and hands, not wash cloth. Dry with pats, no towel rubbing. This done, lead him to the bed.

Now, you have options depending upon the script you wish to use. If you do not want to tie him up, or even if you do, please read the following articles that can be found in the Index:

The Program
Your guide to wild rampant skin-on-skin full-body-contact sex.

Body Worship How-To by EEK

> So far Im thinking have him flat on the bed.. and spend ages teasing him... etc.

As you might guess, there is no one right way to do any of this. Do it one way one time, another way some other time; and, if you keep getting favorable results, pick from the best of all methods and make up a script from all these.

> do I strip off before or later... sorry over anxious.

You can:
* continue to be naked after your bath and shower
* use a robe, loosely tied
* slip into a negligee while he is face down on the bed
or excuse yourself and return to the bathroom to dress for the occasion--
whatever works
* If you are not planning a bath, then you can remain clothed, or, get naked when it suits you.

* If you strip, you can do it while standing just outside of his reach
* while straddling him
* any other way that you dream up

If you do decide to tie him to the head/foot boards, or the bed frame as an alternative, you again have lots of options that both your imagination and the interplay between the two of you set into motion.

If you are wearing a negligee, and after he is heated and panting from all that you have teased and tantalized and titillated him with before--kneel over his face and play with his mouth with your pieces-parts. Give and take away in the beginning making him wild with desire.

This give and take away, goes double for his genitals. Play with them, then pause and do something else for awhile before returning. Do not do this too many times or you will end up with a frustrated and exasperated man and you do not want this!

If you tie him down, then read this:
"Playing Ball" and How To Tips for Prostate Massage
This is also an excellent tutorial for people interested in and concerned about the how-to of Anal stimulation as well as play.

Pay particular attention to how and when to squeeze his testicles and then incorporate this into your control over him and his orgasm.

Please read the articles listed in this:
--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics

I hope this is of help. No doubt others will contribute their ideas and experiences. Got questions? Please do not hesitate to ask. Have fun!

Sindarc - please read www.wickedwomangroup.us then we can talk.

In fact: any woman wishing to explore beyond the usual sort of things should go and read that site's contents.

I've had that happen to me before. My g/f tends to take quite a bit of time and motion to get to orgasm from intercourse. She enjoys on top but is still learning the riding sync between the two of us. Mostly she tends to push up a down slightly while I lift up and down pumping for the two of us right at her gspot. The pressure at certain angles on a guy can rub really hard, but it is just a little pain and is worth the pleasure of seeing bliss on your woman's face. If it becomes too intense for him or he gets too close to orgasm, slow it down and continue the pace to let him get used to the feeling, then speed it up.

Preparation is key. The first time my wife tied me up she didn't prepare enough ahead of time and wasn't sure what to do after I was restrained. The next time she prepared ahead of time with honey dust, clothes pins, and a paddle and it was amazing.

[QUOTE=Want_to_be _better;208159]Preparation is key. The first time my wife tied me up she didn't prepare enough ahead of time and wasn't sure what to do after I was restrained. The next time she prepared ahead of time with honey dust, clothes pins, and a paddle and it was amazing.[/QUOTE]

Yea, that happend to me when I tied my girl up, haha. I wasn't reallys sure what to do after. What are some good ideas for stuff I can do to her once she is tied? (other then the obvious stuff like spanking and stuff)

Hello,

Well BDSM is a very fun and rewarding experience for both parties if it is done right. There is the duty of the top to love and cherish their bottom. And the bottom wants to know that she is cherished. This pleases both…normally the top is the pleaser. They have to know what the other is into or likes. Thus when you watch a scene happening you always have the top asking do they like that or something along those lines. They may ask what they want with a closed ended question (has to be a yes or no question).

There is something very important to understand and use in these scenes. Communication is normally forgotten in the rush to have some play time. You need to be honest and open at the beginning of the scene so both parties will know what the other wants. Negotiate roughly how long and what will be done during the scene. This does not take the fun or enjoyment out of it. They need to know in case you are into temperature play or knife play. These are both fun to do during a tie up scene.

The most important thing is to get safe words clearly understood. I normally use the traffic light approach. Green is a go, yellow is slow down a little, and of course red is a complete stop. I would never use the word no or stop because they are too confusing. Most people will say “no…don’t…stop” during sex or play. If they say whatever you decided for the stop word is…STOP. Do not ask to continue or anything. If they are bound up to the bed or whatever you should immediately release them. Thus always have several keys or a knife handy. When you have them untied and they have calmed down you should talk about why they asked for you to stop. If they feel comfortable you can restart the scene.

The last thing you need to make sure you have is a good first aid kit. You may not want one but just in case something that you are doing goes wrong. You also need water or something to drink during these. Sometimes you might want to leave them tied up for hours. Thus cherishing you bottom.

If you are really interested in this there are groups that meet all the time. I live out in Salt Lake City and there are classes and parties that you can go to. These have been very helpful in the event of learning. They cover more than any book can go into. Now for the ones wondering…no they are not sex orgies or anything along those lines. Class is a class where they remain clothed or not showing any private parts of the body. Parties are normally closed doors and what happens at them stays at them. I would recommend doing some searching on Google groups.

Just remember to be safe and have fun. That is what it is for. Both parties are getting what they enjoy out of the scene. I am a top but in order to be a great top you should know first hand what it feels like to be in your bottoms shoes. Most tops have been a bottom at least once. If you are worried about something ask for help. That is the most important thing to do. Don’t jump in to something that you are unsure of.

You could just spring it on him. Either he is going to love it, as was the case with a friend of mine when a woman surprised him by tying him to the bed. He thought it was the greatest thing in the world. OR he could be terrified and begin screaming for help, as was the case when the same friend handcuffed a partner to the bed (thinking that if it was a great surprise for him it would be great for everyone) and hotel security showed up before he could calm her down and uncuff her!

So. I suggest that you mention the topic with him before you try and tie or cuff him. You could just ask if he has ever heard of erotic bondage or what he thinks about it; sort of feel him out on the subject, but don't give away your plans. If he seems receptive go ahead with your plan.

I have been using erotic Bondage and Discipline for several years now. I began, waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy back, in college tying my GF to the dorm bed with what I had at hand: belt from bathrobe, a couple of neckties and I thing a leather belt. Many of us start that way and even tho' I now own hundreds of feet of different kinds of rope, and both metal and leather restraints I still enjoy the spontaneity of using everyday items like neckties and scarves.
If the two of you decide you like this sort of kink you can acquire more toys later.

There are two mental attitudes you can take here. 1) It's just make believe and you are not really tying him and you won't tie any real knots, but rather will wrap the material around his extremities and finish with the first half of a square knot or the first half of a shoe lace tie. This is plenty to get some people worked up.
2) Make it a little more real and tie something sturdy that he can struggle with. Watch the following videos of Twisted Monk several times. He is one of the top bondage educators in the USA. Take the advice that he gives about always having safety shears at hand. Although he is talking about tying with rope you can use the exact same ties with any material. If you are using ties or scarves it is not necessary to double your material in the Japanese rope bondage style that Monk practices
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vYMsrkqkzA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD2dTqpMtYE&feature=related

You mention handcuffs. I think tying is more fun for a first time if you are planning to do it in bed and cheaper. A nice set of leather cuffs (yes leather not the police kind) from a kink or sex store can run from $25-$50... but if you are willing to invest.

The way you dress depends on how you want to present yourself: you could just be the soft, sexy, innocent looking babe in a silky nighty or baby doll who suddenly becomes his captor, you could be sort of dominatrixy with black corset or bustier, black panties and high heel shoes. There many things. If you want to get into role playing start here
http://sexuality.about.com/od/sexualroleplay/ht/sexfantasyroles.htm

For many people the thrill of tying/being tied is plenty if neither of you have any experience with this. You might want to leave the role playing until after you have tried some simple tying.

Someone mentioned the importance of a "safeword." This is not S&M or advanced B&D or roleplaying. At this stage it might be enough to tell him that if he starts having any problems with circulation or feels panic to just say so. It IS important, once you tie or otherwise bind him, to tell him that he needs to trust that you won't hurt him or force anything he doesn't want on him.
You could tell him that if he needs out to just say let me go -or go with the traditional S&M word RED to end the bondage session.

I hope this is helpful. If you would like more ideas or more tying tutorials tell me exactly what position you would like to restrain him in and I'll be glad to offer advice.

Best wishes,
dlb

One thing I have found is that men tend to be overly-elaborate, taking eons tying, un-tying, re-tying - yadda yadda yadda and by the time they're 'ready' you just wonder why you didn't have a V-8 and save yourself the trouble of dressing this way or that or doing this thing or another. Put your hand in his hair, move close and give him a throaty growl.

Pounce on the poor man and watch him NOT complain about it. *evil grin*