Okay, so here's the deal-- My boyfriend and I have sex regularly, at least four or five times a week. I enjoy it and make it very well known, vocalizations, moaning, the whole works. We both orgasm almost 100% of the time and he seems emotionally satisfied with sex. He tells me that he loves to have sex and that he enjoys it.
The problem is that during sex he gives me no indications as to what feels good. Previous partners have had a change in breathing patterns, a facial expression, a noise, a vocalization, something, but I get absolutely nothing which makes me feel like he isn't enjoying it.
How do I remedy this? Am I overreacting? I feel like I am not being a good lover because he doesn't seem to be enjoying sex.
I've tried talking with him about it, mentioned that I can't tell if he's enjoying it or not, but nothing has changed.
Thanks for your help!
I used to not make many vocalizations or change my expression much. I tried to keep in mind deep, steady breathing. The breathing helped me last a lot longer, and have more intense orgasms than when my breathing was shallow. After a while the breathing became habit and now I won't shut up.
Maybe he's just really focusing on great sex.
THANK YOU ALL!
[QUOTE=Quote (oberon @ Dec. 02 2005,16:38)]I say take a more proactive approach. YOU talk to him during sex. And make it about something where he has to answer you- the question technique that I mentioned before for example. There's always the chance that just by you being more vocal, he'll become more comfortable with the idea.[/QUOTE]
Good idea... I had a similar "problem" where my partner was not showing as much reaction as I would like it.
When she finally did let out a squeak or a moan, I would purr about how I loved the noises she made and how they turned me on so much.
This in turn encouraged her to be more vocal during our "sessions," which was very welcome to me. ;)
Be careful about initiating these conversations just after sex. Even though you may not mean it that way, it could easily come off as criticism. And who wants to be criticized for their sexual performance? LOL
I say take a more proactive approach. YOU talk to him during sex. And make it about something where he has to answer you- the question technique that I mentioned before for example. There's always the chance that just by you being more vocal, he'll become more comfortable with the idea.
The talks were very specific and always ended with "i'd really just like to know that you're enjoying it." He was always very receptive during the talks, but just didn't attempt it during sex. Is there a way to communicate better with my boyfriend that I am missing? Here is a summed up, play by play of one of our conversations (usually after being intimate)
Me-- That was amazing. Did you enjoy?
Him-- oh hell yes.
Me-- That's good. You know, I have a hard time telling that you are enjoying it. You don't really give me any clues during sex.
Him-- What do you mean?
Me-- You know, like vocalizations or facial expressions. You know how I am, moaning and telling you what feels good. I just want to know you're enjoying it during sex too.
Him-- I'm sorry. I can be such a horrible boyfriend.
Me-- this isn't about you being a horrible boyfriend. you're an amazing boyfriend. I just want to know I make you as pleasured as you make me.
Him-- I'll try to work on that.
Me-- Okay, that'd be great.
How specific were your talks? If you just mentioned that you couldn't tell what he was feeling, then that's not really an indication that you'd like for that to change.
Bring up the subject again, and mention that you'd like for him to be more vocal during sex. You can help with that by feeding him lines like, "How does that feel?" or "Tell me what you want me to do."
If someone isn't used to talking during sex, it may take a little time for him to become comfortable. Just be patient with him.
Good luck!