Safest time to go unprotected?

[F-A]

Hiiii,
My husband and I signed up to this site just tonight and I have a question I haven't been able to find a definitive answer to via Google or even my doctor.

I don't like condoms and am apparently allergic to latex and nitrile, at least inside me, and most lubes make me itch badly. My husband also loses arousal when he wears rubbers or uses lube, and we both highly prefer just bare sex. I also LOVE feeling him ejaculate inside me; I might be an oddball, because everywhere I read, girls can either only feel the penis moving during its orgasm, or they can sometimes feel the heat of the semen, but I can feel all that AND the actual physical contact. It's a very satisfying sensation and I love it.

However, this leads to our problem. I'm not going to outline our situation, but I can't afford to get pregnant right now. I want it more than anything else, but we just aren't in a position to raise a family.
Now, I can get by with oral/69's, anal, and vaginal+pullout, but my husband and I love vaginal sex the most (of course xD). When is the best time during my cycle to have unprotected sex? I know the answer is variant from woman to woman, but is there a general window of safety like...I dunno, just after my period is finished? I have fairly regular cycles, which helps I guess.

Please don't suggest contraceptives and other stuff like that, I'd rather not alter my body like that. Plus, I had to research popular pills and such for my college thesis and the side effects scare me to death, it's creepy how much the media covers up about birth control ._. so yeah, I'm not gonna take that route. (it's also against my beliefs, but I'm not gonna start a religious war here, just felt I needed to specify that.)
this is a challenge for us and we like challenges, we just need a bit more info so that we're more prepared to take on this challenge. I'm surprised I'm not pregnant already though xD;;

Please help and thanks for your input if you have something to add!
sorry if this is wordy, I'm used to writing a lot in one sitting xD;;

[demonbuttercup]

Well considering I would guess maybe since you are fairly regular.. to start a journal and research the rhythm method. There is somehow you have to take your temp daily and document different temps and vaginal secretions so you know the window of when you are ovulating?.
Or you could buy those new over the counter tests... that's supposed to determine when you are ovulating. There purpose is to HELP you get pregnant.. but I guess you could use them the opposite way?!?!

That's the best thing I can think of... I myself have not used those ways tho... I was on the pill when I was in a relationship.

I know you say you don't want to use birth control but you use condoms? Have you considered maybe an IUD? It prevents pregnancy and I think there is one type that does not contain hormones?
Im sure our resident Docs will able to shed more light on this subject.
Good luck!

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope the two of you enjoy participating. (BTW, when one or the other of you post, please let us know if you are the husband or wife, writing.)

Originally Posted by F-A

Hiiii,
My husband and I signed up to this site just tonight and I have a question I haven't been able to find a definitive answer to via Google or even my doctor.

Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to information that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. If you click on the site's Home age you will find even more information.

I don't like condoms and am apparently allergic to latex and nitrile, at least inside me, and most lubes make me itch badly.

Condoms are made from a variety of material. Latex is the most common, yet is prone to allergic reactions. There is Poly that you can try, and also natural products.

What lubricants have you tried and not found satisfactory?
You can also try making your own solution by adding and mixing a drop or two of hair conditioner to a dish or tiny bottle of tepid water, sufficient to reduce surface tension and make the liquid slippery!

LUBRICANT INFO

My husband also loses arousal when he wears rubbers or uses lube, and we both highly prefer just bare sex.

Has he applied a dab of lube to the Glans of his penis before rolling on the condom? Doing so will give the nerves more "wiggle room" and thus more friction.

Add a change in the type of condom material and he should have better results.

I'm not going to outline our situation, but I can't afford to get pregnant right now. I want it more than anything else, but we just aren't in a position to raise a family.

Here is some information that may help you work out a timetable.
I think we are ready to live together!!

Now, I can get by with oral/69's, anal, and vaginal+pullout, but my husband and I love vaginal sex the most (of course xD).

Vaginal+pullout is not practicing safe sex. Do you know why? The answer is that precum more often than not contains sperm. They are not just found in semen.

When is the best time during my cycle to have unprotected sex? I know the answer is variant from woman to woman, but is there a general window of safety like...I dunno, just after my period is finished? I have fairly regular cycles, which helps I guess.

Follow Demonbuttercup's recommendation, above. Learn about the Rhythm Method; yet also know that lots and Lots and LOTS of babies have been born to Catholic women over the decades who have used this method.

Please don't suggest contraceptives and other stuff like that, I'd rather not alter my body like that.

PLEASE CLARIFY WHAT YOU MEAN BY ALTERING YOUR BODY.

It doesn't sound like you know a lot about female birth control methods. If what you mean is that the pill, patches, and shots, upset your hormones, then, yes, I agree, yet suggest that there are other very capable methods such as-
* Diaphragm and spermicide
* Cervical cap
* Sponge
* IUD
* Condom plus spermicide
* Spermicide
* Rhythm plus spermicide

I recommend discussing this matter with your doctor or clinic.

Plus, I had to research popular pills and such for my college thesis and the side effects scare me to death, it's creepy how much the media covers up about birth control ._. so yeah, I'm not gonna take that route. (it's also against my beliefs, but I'm not gonna start a religious war here, just felt I needed to specify that.)

This among many other legitimate reasons are why there are all of the options, above. I understand your reasoning; yet, the pills have been in use for forty plus years; that said, they can't be all that bad. There are also several different formulations that you should investigate if for no other reason than to be really well read and knowledgeable about the subject.

this is a challenge for us and we like challenges, we just need a bit more info so that we're more prepared to take on this challenge. I'm surprised I'm not pregnant already though xD;;

Please help and thanks for your input if you have something to add!
sorry if this is wordy, I'm used to writing a lot in one sitting xD;;

Me too, and, you're welcome.

Birth Control Failure Rates

After doing the recommended reading, please do not hesitate to ask questions. I hope all of the above proves helpful.

-doc

[F-A]

Originally Posted by demonbuttercup

Well considering I would guess maybe since you are fairly regular.. to start a journal and research the rhythm method. There is somehow you have to take your temp daily and document different temps and vaginal secretions so you know the window of when you are ovulating?.
Or you could buy those new over the counter tests... that's supposed to determine when you are ovulating. There purpose is to HELP you get pregnant.. but I guess you could use them the opposite way?!?!

That's the best thing I can think of... I myself have not used those ways tho... I was on the pill when I was in a relationship.

I know you say you don't want to use birth control but you use condoms? Have you considered maybe an IUD? It prevents pregnancy and I think there is one type that does not contain hormones?
Im sure our resident Docs will able to shed more light on this subject.
Good luck!

Yeah, I went shopping with him last week to try to find one of those fertility meters, but we couldn't find any oO
We tried using condoms, but as I said, they make me itchy and he loses arousal. I also dont like them because I kinda get off on the idea of having his semen inside me, i dunno why but ever since his first ejaculation in me on our wedding night I've been addicted to not "wasting" his cum xD
If I can't have it in my vagina, I want it in my mouth or anally, though the latter we don't do too often. I love it, it feels good and tastes good xD

Eh...I don't really want to alter myself or "sterilize" myself just to frisk with him whenever I want, and an IUD basically sterilizes you (in regard to killing off the sperm in semen when it's inside you and sometimes affecting the uterine walls). It's a tempting idea, but I'd rather not.
I know, I'm being difficult xD but I like a good challenge.


EDIT: oops, dancingdoc posted while I was typing this up
btw this is Amber, the wife xD srry for not specifying ^///^


EDIT2:
@dancingdoc:
FAQ'S: Actually, that's a problem I forgot to specify, for some reason the FAQ's here give a 404 Not Found error almost immediately after I click the link :S
Condoms: hrmmm...the only condoms we can find locally are latex and nitrile, looks like I'll hafta go searching farther
Lubes: We've tried K-Y Jelly, Astroglide, "Gun Oil" (oO?) and one called "Wet", all have the same effect :S and yes, putting a dab on the glans is how he was informed to do it when we picked up the supplies
Methods: I know it's not safe sex, but my husband has yet to release pre-cum during any activity. I guess we should stop that though... >w<;;; no fun *pouts*
Rhythym Method: What's that? *googles* never heard of it before oO
"Alteration": Well...maybe I should clarify, I don't want to control myself "artificially". I've always seen it as alterations and I'm really not comfortable with bodily alterations, the idea just kinda scares me. Tattoos, hormone pills, etc. And my husband just pointed out something important, back in November I had a near-seizure which somehow caused my hormones to go insane, making me start lactating heavily and also slowly increasing my breast size. My doctors say my near-daily intake of his semen helped decrease the imbalance, because of the testosterone content. As such he doesn't want me toying with things that deal with hormones because it might mess me up again ^^;;
I dunno, I'm just not fond of using chemicals or devices. I'll read the articles provided and see if those help.
Never heard of a cervical cap before either oO

Thanks for the input

[dancingdoc2]

> I've been addicted to not "wasting" his cum

Better not let any leak out then!

> and an IUD basically sterilizes you (in regard to killing off the sperm in semen when it's inside you

Yes but...sperm die upon leaking out; remaining in the vagina and being absorbed, coming into contact with spermicide. The question is: what is the best way to keep you from becoming pregnant?

> I know, I'm being difficult xD but I like a good challenge.

You are not being difficult, Amber. I am concerned that you may be placing idealism ahead of actual knowledge about the various types of contraception, etc. This is the why behind the many articles listed in the Index and why each was written. Knowledge is empowering. I just don't want either of you to be so rigid in your position that you cannot accept other ideas. That you are here for and looking for help is great!

As for condoms, please do some research on the different types of materials used. The natural skin type may be an answer, because the material is a "natural" substance, thin, and does transmit more friction on its own. Using a lube on the Glans of the penis also helps this happen.

Switching to a diaphragm is not that inconvenient. Go get fitted for one and your husband can add the spermicide and insert it as part of your Foreplay. The same goes for the lube and condom for him with you.

Look into the sponge and cap, also, and decide which of the three appeals to you the best. Any of the above make more sense to me, personally, than the Rhythm method.

Oh, and final comments on the pullout method: what's the point, if he is going to pull out anyway, why bother? Lastly, you cannot always count on a man having enough resolve to actually pull out at the last second. This is an exercise of mind over matter and the mind often loses to the feel good moment.

-doc

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by F-A

EDIT2:
@dancingdoc:

FAQ'S: Actually, that's a problem I forgot to specify, for some reason the FAQ's here give a 404 Not Found error almost immediately after I click the link :S

I just checked and the function works here. If you continue to have problems, please p/m the moderators for assistance.

Condoms: hrmmm...the only condoms we can find locally are latex and nitrile, looks like I'll hafta go searching farther

Go on line, look at the websites for various manufactures, and order directly from them. Do not be afraid to try a couple of different sizes at first because S/M/L differ from one product line to the next.

Lubes: We've tried K-Y Jelly, Astroglide, "Gun Oil" (oO?) and one called "Wet", all have the same effect :S

"What a revoltin' development this is." Try the recipe I gave, above. The only difficulty with it is that as a water-based product, it has to be refreshed often when you are using it, and, a batch must be made up before each session.

and yes, putting a dab on the glans is how he was informed to do it when we picked up the supplies

Good advice if I do say so myself.

Methods: I know it's not safe sex, but my husband has yet to release pre-cum during any activity. I guess we should stop that though... >w<;;; no fun *pouts*

Not even when he masturbates? How aroused does he usually become? How much water does he drink during a typical day? Most guys "leak" at the mere thought of things to come!

Rhythym Method: What's that? *googles* never heard of it before oO

It is what Demonbuttercup talked about in her reply. It is or was the only approved method of contraception the Catholic church approved/s of.

Simply put, a woman charts her temperature daily in order to determine when she is ovulating. Using the method in reverse, you know when not to have intercourse and for the five days or so on either side.

"Alteration": Well...maybe I should clarify, I don't want to control myself "artificially". I've always seen it as alterations and I'm really not comfortable with bodily alterations, the idea just kinda scares me. Tattoos, hormone pills, etc. And my husband just pointed out something important, back in November I had a near-seizure which somehow caused my hormones to go insane, making me start lactating heavily and also slowly increasing my breast size. My doctors say my near-daily intake of his semen helped decrease the imbalance, because of the testosterone content. As such he doesn't want me toying with things that deal with hormones because it might mess me up again ^^;;
I dunno, I'm just not fond of using chemicals or devices.

Thank you for the added info and clarification.

I'll read the articles provided and see if those help.
Never heard of a cervical cap before either oO

Thanks for the input

Here are some links. There is much more information available thru any of the search engines:

Cervical Cap

Comparisons
[B][URL="http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/birth-control-sponge-today-sponge-4224.htm"]

Plus this one

Rhythm method

Rhythm method

Contraceptive Sponge

Diaphragm

Plus this

NuvaRing

In addition to Googling all this info, you can also read what has been posted to Wikipedia. Again, discuss this with your ob/gyn, family doctor, or clinic.

I understand your reasoning concerning chemicals; however, do use a spermicide with the diaphragm, condom, etc. Some of us here recommend to couple not wanting to become pregnant that they use three methods of b/c. Each of you should look out for A#1 and protect your respective interests. Using spermicide as a third and backup method provides additional protection.

[lnt1103]

IUD's do not sterilize you. For the period that it is in your uterus, it causes two things to happen. 1-the uterine wall doesn't develop as thickly as usual so that a fertilized egg can't implant itself in order to grow. 2-sperm can't survive the environment as well.

I have one, and I read all the literature and spoke with my gyno before getting it. The hormone level is very low in the one I have, and I think some have no hormone at all. It's removable any time you want to get pregnant, but unless there are extenuating circumstances, they probably won't give you one if you haven't been pregnant yet.

The bottom line is, either use some form of protection, or count on having a child at some point soon.

[Rouge]

There isn't a surefire way to do this, and attempting to will end up with you pregnant. As two consenting adults, there should be responsibility, otherwise you're playing russian roulette. It's one thing to not use condoms (I myself don't as I'm in a honest monogamous relationship), but it's another thing entirely to scrap all forms of control, especially after the type of hormonal incident you described above! Over the years a women's cycle can shift at random, eggs can disperse at different times, and babies can always be made. It's less likely that they will be during certain times, but you can be fertilized through these times.

Have you thought of a diaphragm? It's fairly unobtrusive and still gets the job done, as a plus you can find one that isn't latex.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Excuse me but the way BCPs alter your body are precisely the same way you body would alter itself were you pregnant.

That is what BCPs do - they feed the "I'm pregnant" hormones in so you body 'thinks' it is pregnant and doesn't ovulate. (There is no egg to be fertilized hence you're not killing anything. The eggs just stay in the ovary in their immature state.) Also BCPs do another thing that pregnancy does: it takes over your body wholesale. You become regulated to an inch of your life just as pregnancy does and that can be a very good thing.

So the risks of taking BCPs are the same risks you would run were you pregnant.

Logically, there is no reason for NOT taking birth control pills.

Which leads me to ask where you went to school and what your degree was in that you did a thesis on this topic.
And I'd consult a different doctor as well. A near-seizure? What are you talking about? Heart? Brain? What?

There are polyurethane condoms available at condomania.com

[lnt1103]

Only one thing I would submit here, EEK. The logicality or not of any given reason to take BCPs or not, depends very much on the individual. In the OP's case, I would tend to agree with you. In mine, they're medically contraindicated.

I'm an insulin-dependent diabetic and the hormones and possible side effects thereof (mostly related to the circulatory system), coupled with my monogamous relationship status, are the only reasons my gyno was willing to put an IUD into a 29 year old woman who had never had a child.