Concerning the Pill and a Few Other Questions

[Yellow Ledbetter]

(Sorry if my writing seems a bit disjointed. It is late, and this keyboard is awful)

Thanks in advance to anyone who's willing to help my confused self.

I'm a rather information overwhelmed nineteen year old lady-woman who has no desire to have children. This being said, I've been considering going on the pill for quite some time. My boyfriend and I of over two years are careful when having sex (he always wears a condom and always pulls out before orgasming...with a condom on, of course), but I don't feel this is enough at all.

I hope anyone attempting to help me will excuse my ignorance of some things, as my high school sex-ed class consisted of "don't have sex, it's bad", so I've had to learn virtually everything safety-wise from my surrogate father and the internet (that can't be good, can it?).

Before I get into the whole pill issue I wanted to ask a few quick questions:

Spermicide - What exactly is this, and how does it work? I know some condoms come with it already on, but I've heard that it's rather ineffective that way. I'd like to have as much protection as possible short of a hazard suit.

Condoms - Is there a "best brand", or is it just up to preference? My boyfriend always buys Durex, and I can't really complain. I was just wondering if one company had a higher quality rate above any of the others.

The Sponge - Strangely enough, Seinfeld piqued my interest in this. I've looked up some information about it, but I'm still not very clear on it. It doesn't look to be very effective to me, and doesn't look like something I'd trust...but any information on it could be useful.

Pre-ejaculate - I've read that while it does not contain sperm, it can pick up the remaining 2% from the guy's urethra. That being said, I'm afraid of it. My boyfriend always wears a condom during sex, but not during general fooling around, which is usually all we get to do anyway given our current living situations. My main concern is that during this fooling around time we usually rotate from me giving him a hand-job/him helping himself out, and him fingering me/me helping myself out. I'm worried that possibly some pre-ejaculate could get onto his/my finger and end up inside me, therefore possibly getting me pregnant. I'm unclear on the life-expectancy of semen in the open-air, but I want to make sure that I know whether or not this is/is not a possibility.

Now, concerning the pill...

First off, I've never been to the gynecologist. I know that I need to go (and should have gone at eighteen), but my own fear of going coupled with the fact that my mom runs away the moment I mention anything concerning matters below the waistline, has caused me to not go.

I'm not too sure what my insurance status is at the moment, but I think my current plan only covers bills that are pretty expensive (like, a minimum of three-five thousand dollars or something). I'm pretty sure a trip to the gynecologist does not cost that much, so this may be an out of pocket expense for me/my mother. My insurance may become decent again once I enroll in college (my family's insurance has a lot of requirements for this and that. If I'm enrolled in college I can be put back on the family insurance), but that is months away. Would it be alright to wait a few months before heading to the gynecologist (I'm already a year overdue anyway), or is it something I should do as soon as possible?

As I stated earlier, I've been considering the pill for quite some time. A consistent baby-blocker is a plus in my book, plus I'll feel like I'm doing my part to keep our relationship baby free. I am afraid of going on the pill though, because my sister and a few friends of mine have had issues with the it.

I know that smoking while on the pill is risky, due to heart issues. I am a smoker (Boo, hiss. I know, I suck), though not a heavy one by any means. Smoking, of course, is a risky activity in itself. Couple that with the pill, and it's getting to the point of being a risk I'm not willing to take. How dangerous is smoking while on the pill? I have a friend that does, and she says it's perfectly fine...but I'm not willing to take her word on that.

I've heard the pill makes some women, for lack of a better word, crazy. I do not wish to be an ultra-mood-swingy crazy lady. Does this just vary from person to person, or is it always present, just varying in severity?

How expensive is the pill to be on? I know that free-health clinics offer the pill at a cheaper price than the average doctor's office, but you still have to be inspected/get a prescription from them/all that. I do not have much money at all, but I'm willing to pay for birth control as it's cheaper than a kid.

Does the pill help with period problems? Pains associated with my period have been getting worse as I've gotten older. When I first started, I had zero symptoms besides the fact that I was bleeding. No cramps, bloating, nothin'. Now, I get a full on assault of everything sprinkled with ultra-crazy mood swings. It's gotten to the point to where it's so painful I cannot bring myself to do anything for the first day or two of my period. I can't really afford to feel like this, as I have to work.

Those are most of my medical related questions (if you made it through that, thank you). I do have a few other questions, though...

How should I go about bring up that I want to visit the gynecologist and start birth control to my mother? I know that she's aware that I am having sex, though I'm pretty sure she's in denial about it. I would just go on my own, as I am an adult, but she is taking care of my insurance so she would need to be included (and she's my mom). I don't want to scare her, or make her uncomfortable. She's not the kind of person who wants to talk about sex...ever. If I so much as mention anything beyond a hug she quickly changes the subject. I am not wanting to go on the pill so I can have crazy wild sex fun-time fest with everyone. I just want to add another level of protection to my sex life, because I want to be responsible. Should I just say that I'm having troubles with my period (if birth control can help) and that I think this may be a way to solve it, or should I just be honest? I'd hate lying to her.

And the gynecologist and general...I'm still very frightened at the prospect of going. I do not like strangers poking around in my private areas, much less seeing me naked. My sister told me the breast exam was worse than anything they did below the belt, as they're at eye level with you. Is there any way to make myself less nervous? I know I need to just suck it up and do it, despite the fact that I'd rather go swimming in shark infested waters, but anything to ease my fears would be comforting.

Thanks again to anyone who managed to read all the way through this, and thanks to anyone who can offer me help.

[Brandye]

Every issue you address is addressed in various posts in Women's Helath forum. Please read some of those and then ask again for clarification. The sticky on the first gyn exam will specifically address some concerns and the sticky Caution: Take Only as Directed discusses the function of the pill. In the Contraception forum, you will find descriptions of the common spermicides which are simply chemicals that kill sperm. The sponge is liked by many women. It is more expensive than most spermicidal potions and has about the same effectiveness vaginal jelly alone.

Genric pills often have the same formulation as the more expensive pills and cost much less. I have seen adverts for pharmacies in the States that show generic pills for less than half the cost of brand names. Each woman reacts differently and there are posts in Women's Health that address this.

[EvilEvilKitten]

I smoke and was on the pill for quite some time all without any ill effects.
Just get the variety of pill that mixes well with your body's chemistry and all should be well. Much like the pregnancy it mimics and thus prevents, the pill controls your hormones like lockstep. It rules. So if your're going to be crazy when pregnant, you'll be crazy on the pill. But you won't know that until you try it. Never had that effect upon me - is all I can say. But having minimal periods is well worth it! No pain, only a little blood - you hardly notice your periods any more.

Planned Parenthood will give you pills for free after an exam which may also be free. It is an excellent organization. For sex education - read around this site.

As for your fears and dislike of going to the ob/gyn - you are an adult aren't you?

wb Brandye!!

[sexykitten]

I agree with the well-spoken answers above this. I've been on the pill since I was sixteen just to control the pain of menstruation. And I still get moody the first couple days before my cycle, but I don't think that has anything to do with the pill. Plus, I'm aware of it...mind over matter. I'm pretty good about keeping my emotions in track.

As far as talking to your mother...you just need to tell her that you're an adult and that this is a good idea. Would she rather you got pregnant? Extra protection is always a good thing, and if she won't do this for you, you can always get the pill yourself. As far as the ob/gyn, you're an adult...and while you could wait until you get your insurance after enrollment, you could again bring it up to your mother that this is an important exam, and that catching anything early could make the difference between a small annoyance or a big problem.

Best of luck to you. =]