STD?...What Do I Do Now?

[Zorbgoddess]

Ok. So I'm trying to stay calm, but still really freaking out. My partner of around three months has just informed me that his STD blood test shows that he is producing antibodies to fight off Herpes. Although stupidly I waited to have us both tested, at my insistence we both did. I went to the County Health Department got my blood drawn for both STDs and HIV. Everything came out just fine on the results. Although I'm not certain of everything they actually test for. I'm going to have to call tomorrow and find out if Herpes is on the list. Neither of us have had any symptoms...ever... of oral or genital herpes, it is said that many people never show symptoms. After talking to a friend's mother (a registered nurse), and doing a bit of research, I have learned that a) blood tests don't tell which type of herpes it is; b) that just because the body is producing antibodies that it doesn't necessarily mean that you actually have the virus; c) there is no cure, only suppression medication which doesn't prevent the spread of the disease; d) it could have been a false positive; and e) it can be passed along through touch via secretion of the skin (kissing, drinking from the same glass, touching w/ open sores, oral sex, making out, sex, being sneezed on, etc.

If you would like to give any other information, or disspell any myths, please do so.

Here is a big question to anyone reading this. Should I go back to the health department and have THEM retest me? If they did test me for it in the last blood test they did. Not having insurance, should I go to the local medical center and have THEM do the test? OR... should I go to the family planning center where I always have my semi-annual checkups done and have them test me for it?

Should I have him retest? If so, where?

I am fairly certain that if I had scarring from a past outbreak it would have been noticed by now and that at my last checkup they would have told me about it. In the past they noticed scarring from a botched koposcopy then tested me for herpes and the test came out negative. That was years ago and nothing suspicious has been mentioned to me since.

Also... even though it is still a new relationship, this man has mentioned several times the idea of getting married and having children (we're both getting up in age...him more than me). Is it even possible to have a healthy relationship with someone if it turns out that I don't have it, but they do?

In the Valtrex commercial the couples all look so happy, but right now I feel dirty and vexed. Not happy, healthy and normal. All these years, through many men... I have still been extremely cautious. Why is it that the guy appearing to be most stable, responsible, caring and generous person I meet the one who ends up giving me an STD? Why couldn't it have been the one night stand, or the creep?

Sorry about the rant, I just don't know where to go from here. And do I have to inform the last few people I slept with before him? Even though I used protection with them and were extremely careful, it's possible they could have passed it to me, or gotten it from me via kissing right? I was dating a few people when I met this guy, but was only sleeping with one man before meeting him within the last 8 months.

If anyone has been through this, or if there are any medical experts on here wiling to give advice, please let me know what I should be doing next.

[wet_suit_one]

Why do you feel dirty? I am curious. I, for my part, do not understand what the difference is between a cold or flu and an std? What is the difference? Why the "dirty"? All sorts of people (including your parents and siblings) have likely given you various infections in the past. What is so significant about this std? You won't die from it.

Could you enlighten me?

[nuttychick]

Wow .... I have had Herpes since 1988... and lead a normal life...

I also Want to know why you think it is "dirty"

[Zorbgoddess]

It's not the disease itself I think of as dirty. More of myself as dirty for being so stupid that I went against my usual routine of having someone seriously checked out before getting that intimate; Putting myself into this situation. Or for sleeping around in-general I guess. Please don't take this as me passing judgment on anyone else. Only on myself. For many years it was if I had dodged a bullet. And this past year I felt so grateful that I didn't end up as f-ed up as most of my high school friends. No STDs, no kids out of wedlock, no divorces, a real solid education, and a job I love paying enough to pay bills and support a family. All I needed was a good man. And the one I'm with now is a very good man... but if it turns out he has the virus and I don't.... it wouldn't be very logical to stay with him and risk getting it every time we are intimate (not saying sex directly). Obviously, plenty of people live perfectly normal lives having herpes. In my family though, and when trying to get into a new relationship, having anything contractible (curable or not) is still considered a stigma that I would rather not have to bear. One of my close girl friends was extremely ridiculed by "so-called" friends and all future mates after having contracted genital warts from an ex-bf who never told her he was infected. I just always hoped and considered myself smart enough not to get into a situation like that.

[nuttychick]

OMG a "Stigma".... thats Snobbery at its highest point me thinks...

well.... all i can suggest is to dump him and go wrap yourself in cotton wool
and live a long lonely life...

Sorry but your view on this very common thing
has really annoyed me

[Zorbgoddess]

Sorry to have annoyed you. Most of my friends and family are strict Catholic, and living in a small upper-middle class neighborhood doesn't help much. My father and I got on the subject of STDs the other day while out meeting for lunch (it got out that some guy in the neighborhood caught something or other) and he made the comment "If I ever found out I had an STD I'd be afraid to ever come home, let alone face having a partner ever again". It's just how a close-minded society is. As ridiculous as it may very well be.

And right now I don't know yet if I have it, only that his test came out positive. Tomorrow I have to call the testing place I went to and see if they even checked for it in the first place. It's a general blood test they do, but all places are different.

Please do let me know this if you would...

How did you contract it? And (if it was from someone else) what was your initial reaction when you found out?

You can say I'm annoying all that you want, but curable a disease or not, it's still something he should have had tested for before having sex with me. Maybe it's just the whole being responsible thing, but I always get tested every six months regardless of whether I've slept with a new partner or not. I'd rather be safe than sorry. So I feel legitimized in feeling frustrated and worried about this whole "mess". It would be the same whether he gave me Gonorrhea, Syphilis, AIDS, or herpes. As it is when either of us are sick even if it is a cold, we avoid each other until considered no longer contagious. One more little tidbit. I work with physically disabled individuals. Some have terribly compromised immune systems. If I have anything transmittable (even a cold or flu) I'm not allowed to work until cured enough where I can't transmit the ailment. Precautions are always taken, but some you can't avoid. Herpes is transmitted easily through skin. Not that I kiss my clients, but I also don't ALWAYS wear gloves when changing their clothes or feeding them, etc. Only when dealing with their blood or fluids.

[nuttychick]

Originally Posted by Zorbgoddess

. Herpes is transmitted easily through skin.

Are you sure you have this information correct lol

[Zorbgoddess]

That is what I read and what my bf was informed through the doctor. My friend's mother (a registered nurse) also informed me that it is transmitted through fluid transmission or through secretions of the skin (being coughed on, sneezed on, shaking someone's hand who sweats a lot, etc). Supposedly, people can get herpes of the eye from shaking someone's hand who was profusely sweaty then touching their hand to rub their eye shortly afterward. I also read it is not transferred from inanimate objects though, only that it is much easier to catch than HIV and much more maintainable.

[Zorbgoddess]

I am calling the National Herpes Hotline later today though to find out more about it and what they suggest I do.

[nuttychick]

Oh well time for me to quit my job, divorce my husband and wrap myself
in cotton wool For I have Herpes lol