Stupid question probably lol

[funinthesun]

I would hope in this day that "very sophisticated" would include very educated. Also, remember that your only form of communication here is text. Nobody knows you in person. Nobody can hear you. Nobody can see you. If you want people to not think you're juvenile, then don't type in such a way.

Why only have 1 form of birth control when combinations can be so much more effective?

If it's going to happen because it's the Lord's Plan, then don't bother buying expensive baby car seats when you inevitably have one, because the baby will only die in a low speed crash if it's in the Lord's Plan.

Not having enough time to go to the clinic or find cheaper birth control = no time for sex. It doesn't matter how many jobs you have or whether you're in school or not. If you are still having sex and say that you don't have time to go to the clinic, then you are simply making excuses that suit your needs and the most informative people on these boards will quickly stop caring and responding until you mature.

[dancingdoc2]

Our resident M.D. has posted these failure rates for the various types of birth control methods:

Birth Control Failure Rates

The medical community lists withdrawl at 60% and that is only if the man can control himself and pull out in time; and, that sperm is not contained in his precum.

One reason I recommended the diaphragm and cup are because these devices are very inexpensive and require only a doctor's visit in order to fit and obtain a prescription. Once you have the device, they last a long time.

A tube of spermicide is also inexpensive and available over the counter. Neither should break the bank, particularly with more income available in the near future.

It is of no value to debate the religious aspects of your argument; however, I cannot believe that God would knowingly plan to let a baby be born to loving parents who cannot afford to care for it. What about all the unmarried young teen girls who are pregnant?

The oft used statement that "God will provide" somehow seems to be wishful thinking by the people who use it and are locked into the limited circumstances they find themselves in.

> Your advice about stop having intercourse is kinda funny(sorry).

It was meant to be.

> we believe that whatever happens-it's the Lord's plan. If he thinks we're ready to have a baby, then it'll happen, but we're not going to push it.

Then you do have control over any prospective plan He might have for the timing of parenthood.

> do you know what sort of extra time a newly married couple who both work and do school have? lol not a whole lot.

Where will you find the time to do all you have to do plus raise one or more babies and then find the money to buy all the things they need for a year let alone eighteen?

I understand being stuck at home without transportation. I infer from this that there is no public transportation available. What about a family member, friend, or, neighbor? Surely someone can take you to the supermarket or elsewhere if you ask ahead, even if it is in combination with a shopping trip they have planned. Perhaps not, yet I agree with others that you seem to be putting up arguments and roadblocks with every suggestion.

In addition to asking your husband to purchase some condoms, ask him to add spermicide to the shopping list.

[butterflyprincess]

Went to a clinic and asked a lot of questions. I was informed that withdrawal(when used entirely correctly) is very effective(96%). The precum doesn't contain sperm on its own-that only happens if someone already had sex and it was still in the penis then the precum can push it out, but if there hadn't been any sex previously then it has none. Did get condoms, but they won't last long. I was offered birth control pills, but I was on them once before and they messed me up terribly(weight gain, messed up ovulation, etc).

As for being juvenile. I'm probably one of the most sophisticated and 'old' people here. I won't state why as I don't think any one of you care to know. Let's just say I 'grew up' early in many ways. I try to make things not so serious I think. The 'lol' is just me. None of you know me so you don't get it I guess. I'm sorry for that.

If we were to have a baby now, we would find a way to provide for it. We have savings in case of something like this. Plus we have family for support. I am not worried about the getting pregnant part as much as I am worried about something being wrong(already stated this). I just don't want there to be something wrong, with him or I.

Combining methods...why when I've read and been told(by many healthcare people) that withdrawal does work if done correctly. Condoms we use sometimes. Other things we don't. I don't like the idea of having to put a diaphram in when we plan to have sex. That's like planning a time to have sex(which in a good relationship isn't needed). Besides right now we live in shared living. We share the bathroom and kitchen with other people. I can't go in the bathroom to put a diaphram in with other people around. Besides I won't ever use a diaphram so next. Not sure about spermicides. Don't really want anything 'unnatural' in my area(have my reasons). My husbands penis is the only thing that goes in there.

We don't have sex much with him doing school and now his work load is more. He's a shift manager so he is depended on a lot. Not having sex when married is wrong(I was told by my husband's mother so). When someone in the marriage wants sex the other should have it with them(not forceful sex) even when they don't feel like it. My husband's mother reads religious things all the time.

Women are usually only fertile a short time during their cycle. Some women use this to know when to have sex. I sortof know as my period has been almost regularly coming every 3 months.

I'm educated. I took sex ed and other classes. I know the risks of a lot of types of birth control. I was unsure about withdrawal as some say it's too risky. It's almost as risky as condoms, but no one thinks that's true. I've read and been told this a ton of times. I know withdrawal depends on the guy being able to control and pull out in time(which my husband does every time). I guess some guys can't control themselves.

I'm not stuck at home. I could borrow my mother-in-law's car(she lives a short distance away), but at the moment her tires are bad so she doesn't like anyone else driving it. I know sortof how to drive my husband's truck(my dad taught me a little how to drive stick when I was 13), but he's gone every morning and mostly every night(school and work) so there's no time I could drive it. There's buses but people are creepy on the buses and I never go on them any more(very good reason as to why).

If we were to have a child, I would be at home taking care of him or her. There's one thing kids need the most and that's love. My mother-in-law has taught me to trust more in God's plan and everything(I used to be sooooo not totally religious). She did and has gotten a lot of her prayers answered. It's rather amazing some of the things that have happened for all of us. So, we would be able to care for a child. Not saying God will provide us with the material things(but he kinda does-tithing works-give 10% to God and you get it back much more). We know how to care for a child(well I do-I took care of many children and people).

Right now we're just trying to figure out if something is wrong(due to my periods and all).

As for buying condoms(we got a few free at a clinic) they get expensive and they are about 2% more effective than withdrawal method(if both used correctly). Plus condoms for most men make their erection go down and lessen the sensation(not saying it as an excuse, just a fact). The withdrawal method isn't for teens and inexperienced couples. A married couple is niether of those things(not to mention that my husband has never cum in me when we have been using the withdrawal method-he always pulls out-he has exceptional control).

Anyways Sorry I rambled.

[Brandye]

Butterfly,

Your mind is obviously made up and I shall say nothing to change it. The power of prayer better be with you if you believe that withdrawal is almost as effective as the pill - that is only four pregnancies per one-hundred withdrawing versus three for women using hormonal approaches.

[demonbuttercup]

So did you find out if anything was physically wrong w/ you after your exam?


I have nothing against religious folks... but the mom in law seems to have an old school idea of marriage/religion.
The whole... God's plan and that bit about giving in even if you don't feel like having sex... hmmm.


I just know that I try not to leave too much of my life to chance.... some things you either make or break. I don't drive w/out a seatbelt...that's for sure!

Good luck!!!!

[goof'schik]

There are NO stupid questions, and for you to come on here and ask for advice and tell that person they are wrong and you are right shows me how young you really are. One being a doctor.
I'm 47, had a total hysterectomy at 32 (fibroid tumors), I had open heart surgery when I was 12, diagnosed with a auto immune system issue when I was 29 and I had brain surgery when I was 44.
My mother was given 6 months to live when I was 9, she lived til I was 25, I lost my dad when I was 26. I know so much more about life than you even think you know. GO TO THE DOCTOR AND GET CHECKED. Saying to yourself and to us and to whoever else you babble to will not change it, facing it and finding treatment ASAP may save your life.

[katiebug]

Going to the clinic was the best thing you could have done.

There's nothing wrong with the pull-out method if you are ready to face the possibility of a pregnancy, which you said you were. Just keep in mind that it could happen at any time. If you ever think you might be pregnant, I am sure you can afford to buy some at-home pregnancy tests to keep on hand, just in case. I'd be a little scared in your shoes because you said your cycles were irregular as it is...which might make it a little more difficult to track if you've missed a period or not.

My only bit of advice is to seek out health insurance. It may not seem important but IF you ever became pregnant at an unplanned time, you will quickly be surprised how awful it can be without any health insurance. You'll be going to more doctors visits than you ever counted on, plus you will need to deal with the baby and putting them on insurance as well. I realize it probably sounds stupid since you aren't trying to get pregnant, but it all goes along with that possibility - better to be safe than sorry. That's true no matter what method of birth control you are using. Is there any way that your husband can get insurance through his work or college? (College's typically offer students health insurance at a fairly low cost.) Since you are married you should be able to share the plan. That way even if YOU ever get sick or have an emergency you can know you will be taken care of. I went through a long time of no health insurance and having medical problems, where I was turned away at the door very bluntly as soon as I told the receptionist I had no insurance. You do not want to be in that place if you can help it.

[funinthesun]

I sadly agree with Brandye, as you appear to have posted having already made up your mind and will continue to argue until the world changes the way it works to fit your interpretation. Your mother-in-law is seems to be very old fashioned in regards to her views on marriage and health and appears to have a put logical, informative, and independent thought on lock down.

Please, for the sake of the incoming child, follow Katiebug's advice and get insurance. You can get student insurance for couples for around $2,000 that includes major medical up to $50,000 worth of expenses.

[butterflyprincess]

I seeked medical people and they all said withdrawal is very effective when done correctly. It's just as effective as condoms. I'm not saying anyone is wrong. Just saying what I was told by a medical person in a clinic devoted to this stuff.

Health insurance. Tried getting some, but hasn't come through. Also, in this state if a woman gets pregnant she has health/medical insurance automatically as does the baby(kinda stupid really that the person has to be pregnant or with absolutely no income to get free insurance-as if we don't pay for enough stuff). The college I go to is online and doesn't offer any medical. My husband goes to a specialized college and it doesn't offer any medical. There is a place I went to that offered cheap insurance or even free, but they turned down my application 5 times. I went to the doctor there too-for a sprained ankle in Nov. 2007. I didn't get any bill for that because it was done on the fact that I was supposed to get that insurance, but didn't. We're getting insurance as soon as my husband gets a good job(in April). He can't get insurance through his work at the moment because they don't offer any.

My mother-in-law isn't that old fashioned. Granted she's the kinda of person that would preach no abortions and no sex til marriage and all. The Bible has stuff about giving in to another person's(husband, wife) when it comes to sex. I'm not sure where in the Bible, but I know it's there because my mother-in-law told me about it. She has read the Bible more times than anyone I know. She reads it every day. She's not like a crazy religious person though. She's normal and fun, just she has religious background. As for her going with 'God's plan'... that just means that when she prays and it happens, then it was God. She's very into the fact that God has power. That He can make things happen. I'm just beginning to learn this so am unsure right now what to think. I do think it's true because of what's happened in my life.

My life up til now was crap. I was abused, neglected, depressed, etc. My family was torn apart when I was younger(my dad was/is an alcoholic). My mom was sick most of my teenage years and then died when I was 20 after a long battle with cancer. I was also raped by someone numerous times when I was 15-16. When I 'met' my husband I was in a bad relationship and he helped me get out of it. Then we got together and got engaged and then married. I used to pray that my mom would get better. It didn't happen but I know that getting better can mean many things. She isn't here anymore to suffer so that's 'getting better' in a way. I know she is looking down on me and making sure I'm happy. My mom, I think(as does everyone else) had a hand in my husband and I meeting(we met oddly).

I don't pretend to know everything. I got my information about withdrawal from plannedparenthood website and from clinic workers. My period being irregular means I might not ovulate as much as other women. That's what the clinic worker told me. She said it's perfectly normal but that the pill would help that(I'm not going on the pill again).

As for knowing if anything is wrong, I don't know. I didn't have an exam when I went there. I told her about my period and stuff and she said that it might just be the ovulation.

If when we get good insurance a doctor has a pill that won't cause much side effects then I'd consider it. I'm more scared of a pill than pregnancy(stupid but I have many issues with pills and with birth control pills).

I've thought of no sex, but somehow I think my husband would mind. We know someone that doesn't really get sex much(he's been married for some years-5+ I think). The guy is super stressed and the doctor told him and his wife that they need to have sex(it's a natural stress reliever). I don't want to make my husband more stressed(he's already because of school, work, and home stuff) so giving up sex wouldn't really work.

Plus, we wouldn't mind having a child. I want kids, just not right this instant. If I were to become pregnant, the baby wouldn't come until my husband has a better job so it's not something horrible. Besides, people act like a pregnancy/baby is a horrible thing or something. It's a gift from God really. Some people aren't able to have kids and I'll be thankful when I know for sure that I can.

I'm sorry to have wasted your time everyone. Considering you all think I'm young, naive, stupid, etc about this.


"For couples that use withdrawal correctly at every act of intercourse, the failure rate is 4% per year." Wiki

"Of every 100 women whose partners use withdrawal, 4 will become pregnant each year if they always do it correctly." Plannedparenthood.com

"Very effective when done correctly. 96%" Clinic workers

"If women use the withdrawal method every time they have sexual intercourse and do it perfectly every time, it is 96% effective. This means that if 100 women use the withdrawal method all the time and always do it perfectly (which is almost impossible), 4 women will become pregnant in a year." Youngwomenshealth (sorry to say to them but my husband and I do it perfectly every time-takes a lot of trust but we do it perfectly-he never cums in me)

"In couples who use the withdrawal method of contraception perfectly, the failure rate is only 4%." Associatedcontent

"With perfect use, it can be as high as 96% effective. For comparison, the same study found that condoms are 86% effective for typical use, and 97% effective for perfect use. So, based on this study, the effectiveness of withdrawal is comparable to that of condom use." boards.webmd -study 2007

[goof'schik]

That 96% rate, how often does that person have sex? Is it 100 women have sex once use the pull out method perfectly and only 4 got pregnant. All of us have sex a different amount of times, in a day, week, month or year. You can't just quote the highest %.
People on this board have questions, life experiences and the like. I post replies, but I also post questions. From what I have read from you is that you're having an issue, you wonder if it could be this or that, but you don't want it to be anything so you are right and we are wrong.
When you went to the clinic why didn't you have an exam? You were right there and all your questions would be answered.