selective orgasms...

[colourful]

I have been having sex with the same man for over a year. I'm 16. I have never experienced orgasm outside of masturbation. I've told and shown him what I like, what feels good, etc., but nothing works. I am very in love with him, and feel no concious resentment toward him... I feel it would be absurd to consult a doctor or therapist of any kind. I try and fantasize during intercourse to turn myself on but my mind wanders. I enjoy intercourse immensley, it always feels wonderful. But I was wondering if you had any suggestions to help me climax during sex?

[browneyedgirl]

If you can orgasm through masturbation, you can orgasm during sex. Most girls do not orgasm ONLY via penetration though. For most some clitoral stimulation is required to reach orgasm. Add some masturbation into the equation... for example, if you're having sex doggy style, just reach around and start rubbing your clit. Or, ask him to do so. You can even bring a vibrator into your sexlife. And remember that orgasm is a state of mind... so relax and focus on your pleasure.

You say that you're mind always wanders during sex. One thought is that maybe you aren't turned on enough before you start having sex. Remember to spend lots of time on kissing and foreplay so that you really feel turned on and can't wait to have sex. This will make the whole experience loads better and help stop your mind from wandering.

Another way to get more into the experience is to use some roleplay. Talk about your fantasies and discuss anything that you might want to try. Maybe being handcuffed for him will really send you over the edge, or maybe standing over him with a whip while he's handcuffed to the bed does it for you. Whatever it is that you enjoy thinking about, bring it to your sex life.

Don't worry, try new things, and orgasm will come to you!

[Brandye]

Only a quarter of all women regularly have orgasms from penile penetration and thrusting alone. And those usually have more practice. At the other extreme, a quarter never experience orgasm. Most of us (half), therefore, require some additional stimulation.