Broken up over sex

[JustTrying2BeAGOODBoyfriend]

After 6 months, 4 of which were a constant struggle, my girlfriend and I have finally broken up... pretty much the issue of sex in our relationship. We both wanted to have sex, she was scared of getting pregnant, so i took meaures to get condoms and what not... we failed to have sex about 8 times, either it was too much pain for her or she just "didn't want to any more", this went on and all the while i was jonesing cause i wanted her so bad, and her the same of me. Don't get me wrong, i loved her to death, and that is why i took the initiative make myself NOT want sex, i jacked off like crazy to get myself under control, i forced myself to practice a non-sexual-contact relationship, I waited to see if she was ready, We talked... the first issue was that my penis wouldn't fit and it hurt for her... and i tried fingering her, getting her nice and wet... NO AVAIL... next came the issue of pregnancy, she got paranoid about this AFTER we had tried several times before and so i waited until she was "ready" to try again... so i waited, and i was falling apart i wanted to be with her wholly and happily, and i'm sorry but in my mind this is how i wanted it to be, and it tore me up inside wanting to be with her, and share that intimacy with her exclusively, i felt like committing suicide, i was literally tormented, i couldnt sleep, i fell into depression, all the while i was expected to deal with it on my own... fast forward 2 months... during thanksgiving break, she said that she no longer wanted to have sex... and it crushed me... i was hurt, cause it felt like i could enver be perfectly happy with her, and i wasnt wanted... this just stacked on top to my depression, and i was so angry with myself, i HATED being me, something is obviously wrong with me for her not to want me any longer, and i couldnt figure it out... she reverted back to her story of not wanting to become pregnant... but she put forth NO effort to getting birth control or anything of the sort, her mind was made up and i was left to suffer... was it SOO much to ask? we were almost there like each time we tried and thenshe just cut me off completely, and it hurts... so i finally broke up with her... its not like it helped anything... i am stil a f***ing wreck as i always was... i feel, just horrible... and the anger is infathomable... what is wrong with me? i have noone to talk to about how i feel... i cannot talk to her 'cause i appear like a complete impossible asshole to her, when i threw forth so much effort for her, so that i had hope of eventually being happy, i was hoping the break-up would have severed that connection with her in my heart... but it hasnt... i dont know waht to do... i hate it... what is wrong with me...

[canoestripper]

First I want to say that I feel for your situation. I really do, and I understand that your post comes from the distress of your breakup, not to mention your age...BUT

It sounds yo me like your g/f is not ready to have sex. Sure she said she wanted to in the beginning, but when things didn't go smoothly, and there were pregnancy/pain worries to deal with, she changed her mind as is her right.

And what do you say that you did?

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]i took meaures to get condoms and what not...
i was jonesing cause i wanted her so bad
i loved her to death, and that is why i took the initiative make myself NOT want sex, i jacked off like crazy to get myself under control, i forced myself to practice a non-sexual-contact relationship, I waited to see if she was ready
i tried fingering her, getting her nice and wet...
i waited until she was "ready" to try again... so i waited, and i was falling apart i wanted to be with her wholly and happily, and i'm sorry but in my mind this is how i wanted it to be, and it tore me up inside wanting to be with her, and share that intimacy with her exclusively, i felt like committing suicide, i was literally tormented, i couldnt sleep, i fell into depression, all the while i was expected to deal with it on my own...
i was hurt, cause it felt like i could enver be perfectly happy with her, and i wasnt wanted... this just stacked on top to my depression, and i was so angry with myself, i HATED being me, something is obviously wrong with me for her not to want me any longer, and i couldnt figure it out...
so i finally broke up with her... its not like it helped anything... i am stil a f***ing wreck as i always was... i feel, just horrible... and the anger is infathomable... what is wrong with me? i have noone to talk to about how i feel... i cannot talk to her 'cause i appear like a complete impossible asshole to her, when i threw forth so much effort for her, so that i had hope of eventually being happy, i was hoping the break-up would have severed that connection with her in my heart... but it hasnt... i dont know waht to do... i hate it... what is wrong with me...

Take a moment to re-read your post. That's an awful lot of "I"s. Like I said, I understand that you feel like crap right now, and we don't have a straight perspective of your relationship from this post, but you're coming across as very selfish and unsupportive. So this has hurt your pride. How do you think she feels? Suck it up.

You're young, learning to handle the tough things is what life is all about. Even if it's over between you, it's not too late to talk to her. Come to a civil understanding. No accusations, no anger. You'll both be glad you did.

Good luck.

[iamawesum69420]

I agree with canoestripper. Your post didn't sound like you were taking her feelings into consideration. Did you ever stop to think how awful she felt? And did you ever stop to think that maybe the reason she wanted to have sex in the first place is because she wanted to only please you or that you pressured her into it? You need to respect her feelings. Sex isn't everything in a relationship. Communication is. If there's any hope with this girl you need to just sit down and talk to her about how you feel. You said you felt unwanted. That's something you might want to emphasis, not the fact that you were upset that you weren't getting any. And to hit on the point of you feeling unwanted, there's really no reason to feel that way. Just because someone isn't comfortable having sex with you doesn't mean they don't want you. She may just not have been ready for sex. I have all these possiblities and ifs because I don't know everything about the situation. To find out what's really and truely going on you need to sit down and talk to her personally.

[Brandye]

You never mention age. Recognize that a woman's risk in sex is much greater than the man's. She is, apparently, not ready to assume that risk. It takes more than your having condoms to reduce that risk to acceptable limits for many women. You both could use a little education on sex, its risks and how to reduce those risks. There is no way to aliminate those risks completely.

[vagabondprince]

sex is by far not the sole ingredient to a healthy relationship, in fact not even being one of the necessary ingredients. From your post it seems quite a bit like you want to have sex really bad, and very little like you actually care for her and want a real relationship with her. you keep calling her reason not to have sex because she's afraid she'll get pregnant a story as if it sounds like a lame excuse or something, but it could very easily be a large part of why she doesn't. she could also have seen your overblown obsession with having sex with her and decided that she wanted to see if there really is something more to the relationship before going on with sex. speaking as a guy, not as someone of the opposite sex who is just saying it because it's typical...you're thinkng way too much with your nether-regions and not enough with the head on your shoulders. I know where you're coming from, i've broken up with someone over sex, but knowing what i do now, knowing what i've lost because of it, i can say it's not worth it.

[missyh]

your poor girlfriend!! sorry, but two months and yous went to have sex ,
if u are young which it seems you are the girl wants to have wonderful experiance of sex when she does it(sounds like loosing her viginity here)
you want sex, she needed to be reassured and be on a combined contrceptive, like wow you think its great cause u bought condoms! u are expected to!!
this girl and you are not ment to be you want your sexual frastration to go, she wont let u, maybe shes a emotional girl and sex has to have the emotional side,
to you it seems not. women can be senisitve, respect them and youll eventully when the time is right get what you want, and seen as shed be ready, it would be great!!!