still young and I've lost interest in sex

[Jessica_L]

I'm 19 years old and have a serious boyfriend of 2 years, and our sex life used to be pretty good at the beginning. I also had a great sex drive while I was a teenager and thought about sex often during the day. Now I'm rarely in the mood and never think about sex, and even after great foreplay I'm still turned off at the idea of making love. Our emotional relationship is pretty good with few problems, aside from the sex issue. I have a few theories on what may be causing the problem, but still don't know what to do.

1. We moved in together this year, so maybe this could be related. I do love living with him and like the stability of the relationship, so I'm not sure if this is the problem.

2. I'm mildly depressed, since I'm taking time off school and don't like my job very much. I also moved far away from my family and friends.

3. Some kind of hormonal imbalance? I'm not sure if it's possible at my age, but this could be a possible cause.

I'd really appreciate some help, because I'm afraid it's causing a rift in the relationship.

[finewine]

I'd go and get some professional help for the depression. Sometimes you may need a little help medically to get the mind feeling better. Talking it out is a good start to overcoming depression. *

Get a new job, learn something new. You don't have to actually go to school to keep on learning new things.
The thing is to take action which you have started to do by posting a message.
Depression can definitely affect your sex life.
It will affect the hormones too.

Could you just be bored? *Have you tried anything new with your boyfriend...
You're coming up on the 3 year mark in a relationship. That is one of the mile marker years of growth towards commitment and deeper relationship or growth towards ending the relationship in any long term relationship be it living together or marriage. *It is a year when there is sexual dissatisfaction and the potential to have thoughts for other partners which will sometimes stem from unmet expectations. *Talk this out with your boyfriend.*What were you expecting when you moved in with him? What was he expecting? Be completely honest with each other. This could also be a factor in your depression, and any rift in the relationship just adds more depression. So while you are waiting spice up your sex life. *Start courting and flirting again. *Never stop doing that in your relationship. *That's hard to do to begin with when you are not interested and you take each other for granted, but once you get rolling it becomes easier. *Never take each other for granted.
Tell me this: How would you feel if some guy took notice of you and let you know about it right now? Depressed? Sexy?
How would you feel if some lady took notice of your man and let him know about it.

[Rawbob]

I"m not so sure you need "professional" advice just yet.

It sounds to me like you took on a LOT of changes in your life and you're stressing over the adjustment!

One of the key things i've found to help me deal with the reality of decisions i have made in my life is to ......

CELEBRATE THE CHANGE!

Many people make big decisions (some on the spur of the moment and some after alot of consideration).....either way, once you make a decision like that you MUST celebrate and embrace it! If you start second-guessing it, you start a nasty spiral of self-doubt and fear over the potential consequeses ..as opposed to the potential benefits!

Either way you're learning alot about decision-making!

But, since this involves alot of other people, you owe to yourself AND them to embrace your own decision.

I'm sure your BF is also feeling and seeing the changes in your behavior and is equally concerned - especially if it's impacting the sexual part of your relationship. You do NOT want him to think you're using sex as a weapon or a means to non-verbally communicate your fears/stress, etc.

So, try and replace your fears and anxiety with the absolute opposite - when u start feeling less sexy - get in some lingere and seduce your BF! Go for a ride and neck in the car again..do things you USED to do when you were NOT living with him to help rekindle those memories! Just an idea!

Hope this helps!

[vagabondprince]

I'm not an expert or specialist or anything, so my ideas are only from the little experience i've gained through my own life and through listening and reading about others...

the things you listed are possible causes for your disinterest in sex. one other thing that crossed my mind that i've read about causing a decrease in sex drive...have you recently started the birth control pill? that is one known cause for a drop in sex drive.

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]1. We moved in together this year, so maybe this could be related. I do love living with him and like the stability of the relationship, so I'm not sure if this is the problem.

part of this quote stood out to me, as indicated by the bold...i'm curious, what are your feelings toward him directly now? are you still attracted to him? or is it more like a friendship kind of feeling? is the stability that the relationship gives you the main reason you like it? if this last question is the case, i'd think about what this relationship is providing you. You can't rely on your relationship for all of your support and stability. you need to be able to find most of your stability on your own. otherwise you're putting quite a burden on your significant other to provide that support.

Just a little something to think about.

[Alspals69]

Wow, a wealth of good advice. I'm not sure I can add much of interest.

I was pondering on your age. You will have learned a lot about yourself in the recent years. The person that is you now, is probably very differant from the you of a few years back.

And you have had a lot happen to you recently.

No idea if this is relevant, its just an observation.

I hope things work out for you.

[secretly_shy]

hey dont worry, im 20 and i lost instrest in sex for a while (poor bf was getting a bit frustrated!) but mine was caused because of stress. Took a while to get over, but once i had delt with the stress and worry i was able to relax.

So dont fret, take some "me time" and chill for a while