Disclosure of STD's to prospective partner

[cjrd94]

I have met amost wonderful woman and we are both attracted ,each to the other. I was one of those who was not informed of a previous partner's HSV2 infection (Several year's ago) I'm very concerned that when she is informed that it's Hasta la bye,bye. We have not had relation's but as it was headed in that direction I felt obligated to tell her for her health and well being. Is there any way to salvage this? My fear is that she'll drop me like a bad habit. This would be almost more than I could bear. I know that what ever happen's I will go on. How can I help her to understand and accept this without losing her? or is there even a chance?

[mike]

Well you definetly need to tell her before you get intimate, but it sounds like you already realize that. I would just sit down with her and be honest. Tell her how you contracted it, and (if she doesn't know about it) be honest telling her the risks, symptoms, and etc.

How will she react? I can't really say and hesitate to try to guess. If you're in a long-term more serious relationship, I would say there's a better chance that she would accept it. Or she may not want to take the risk no matter how serious your relationship is. You really just have to hope for the best.

[cjrd94]

Thank's for the quick response. I have already sent an E-mail to her trying to explain all the where's and how's. And no we have not been intimate.This is so devastating. What is a person to do? spend the rest of life by yourself? all because of another's lack of honesty and integrity!I have put myself on the sideline's for so long because of this. I'am at a total loss on how to move on from here,as this is never going to become a non-issue.

[Rawbob]

Hi. I am glad to hear you initiated the discussion. However, sending an email really isn't the best way....no matter how convenient.

There is no doubt that you need to tell a partner of any STD's that you have. The issue is really WHEN do you tell. In my opinion, having had my partner tell me he had contracted HEP B (not the deadly kind of HEP), it really should happen when the issue of intimacy comes up (no pun intended).

Don't wait till the head of the moment, but rather, if you sense that your evening is progressing in a way that may include intimacy, you should then take a break and talk.

Bottom line, no matter how she reacts, you're doing the right thing. Even if you dated her for a year, but never got intimate, I woudn't tell her till then. Because, if a person loves someone, and they do have some sort of affliction (not just STDs...there are people who are epileptic, or narcoleptic, or have high/low blood sugar, high blood pressure, etc), it's more a matter of timing.

Also, if you are really afrid, there are LOTS of websites that help those who are infected as you are, meet. Here's one: http://www.positivesingles.com/index.html

Good luck and thanks for being honest!

[cjrd94]

Thank's for the word's. All is good I guess,we have since talked and I was all freaked out for naught. One real cool lady!
I'm glad that this site was here any way,cause I did need the reassurance that I was right no matter the outcome. I also new enough about her so that I had to give her the benefit of the doubt. And as a result my trust could'nt have been in better hand's.

[Junocozmos]

I have a close friend who has ,unfortunately, the herpes virus. And to be honest the she comes out with it before she engages in any kind of sex, and always seems to have no problem finding "love", or anyone to stay with her. Honesty is respectable to intelligent people...and perhaps thats what makes one able to look past other faults. Good luck with this.
I can only imagine how hard it must be.