Blowjob/handjob problems

[Willis101]

please help me. My girlfreind wont go down on me. Ive given her all the signs and i know that she knows i want it. Weve been together for almost three months now. Shes fine with going down on her but when it comes to me she doesnt move an inch. Could someone please help me with my predicament.

[HngLkAMouse]

Yes, someone CAN help... YOU!!!

It may feel awkward if you've never done it before, but you need to TALK to her about sex. But the key is, you can't just come-out and say "Why won't you blow me...??" or anything that will make her feel defensive or pressured. You may want to start it with a simple question; "I have to ask, are you happy with our sex life...? Is there anything that you wish I would or wouldn't do...?"

Let her speak about what SHE thinks. If she shrugs it off and just answers with short replies; "it's fine" or something that makes you feel she's uncomfortable, then you need to use your judgement as to how far to take the conversation. You can get more specific with the questions; "Do you like it when I __ ?" and so-on... this might get her comfortable with the conversation because it focuses on HER needs and is asking HER opinions and concerns (if any).

If she's open for discussion, she will most-likely turn-around and ask YOU the same thing... "Are YOU happy with our sex life...?" which is an opportunity for you to; FIRST, mention the positive... explain what you DO like, what really turns you on, and then you can phrase your concern about what you'd like from her something like:

"I know there are things you seem uncomfortable doing and I feel bad because I feel like I'd be asking you to do things you don't want to do... but they really turn me on."

Most likely, she'll ask you what those things are... and you can tactfully bring-up the topic of giving & receiving oral and how you'd like that to be a part of your sexual relationship and quite possibly, reasons may surface. At this point, you've already strengthened the relationship because moving forward, you either; make changes towards your mutual desires and both benefit... or you at least get close to an understanding of WHY and might be able to work on things to make changes together.

No matter what... communication is the key. "She knows that's what I want" is not the same as telling her that's what you want.

I'll get off my soapbox now... heheheheh...

[vagabondprince]

Willis will probably have a more lucky outcome than myself, but unfortunately for me, talking won't help with my problem. my gf dislikes it so much that it'll be a huge deal if she does end up performing oral on me ever. Our relationship has become serious enough that (since i've never had oral performed on me before) she may end up choking down her dislike and performing it once for me, but that's not even certain.
Also...
She says the problem for her, when I do end up asking why exactly it is that she won't perform oral sex, is that it hurts her jaw; it's uncomfortable to have her mouth around it for so long. My wonder is if she may be doing something wrong? is there anyone out there that has had that problem and come up with a solution to it?

[Rawbob]

Ok.....time to nip this in the bud......you may be in lvoe with her and all that fluffy stuff...but oral sex is like any other form of sex, there are many types of techniques and such to make it enjoyable and as "painless" as possible.

I know it sounds crass to put oral sex on a pedistal, but it's not the act, its the attitude! If she knows u want it, and makes excuses about it...in a few years it's just going to be NO! So, here's my advice!

Make the discussion very serious but not heavy. Explain to her that oral sex is something that you enjoy and want to be a part of your intimacy! Now, when she says all her reasons she does NOT want to, you can tell here that you have thought about that and point her to some of the followiong resources:

http://www.blowjob-pics.info/blowjob-pics/71.html
http://www.a-to-z-books.com/GTTPBJ.html?hop=jef705
http://www.mypleasure.com/education/...sp?AID=Inktomi
http://sexuality.about.com/cs/sexual...rmfellatio.htm

You can also rent some "tasteful" porno videos and use those as a guide!

This is about TECHNIQUE.....if after you talk about it..and she's resisting...well...there might be something else, like family upbringing, religion, etc. But, you won't know till you hear it from her!

Make her talk about it! Trust me, you don't wwant to get into an LTR, and then 5 years later we're reading a post from you about how since your wife never performed oral sex on youk, that you went outside the marriage to get that need met!

[Nurse Naddy]

Okay, from a girl's standpoint here....

When did oral sex become a mandate? If the girl doesn't like giving oral sex there is nothing wrong with that and there is no reason why she should have to learn to. We all have different aspects of sex that we don't like.

For example, if a guy didn't want to be intruded from behind, but his girlfriend was curious, in most situations do you think it would actually happen?

And the fact that you go down on her does not put her in debt to go down on you! If you give her oral sex it should be because you love to do it or because you know that it pleases her and you don't mind that. But if someone really doesn't enjoy oral sex, don't make them do it! It's only going to kill the sex life!

And don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan or oral, I love giving it, but not always and sometimes it depends. I've had a boyfriend where I loved giving it, and another where I just refused. IT just didn't seem right.

Communication is key though, try talking to her about why she doesn't like it? Has she done it before? Is there anything that would make her more comfortable with it? And if not, then its probably best to drop it or get a toy that will give you a similar experience.

[vagabondprince]

Regarding my girlfriend giving me oral sex, i'm not saying she has to give me head or anything. I am just saying that she doesn't want to because it is uncomfortable for her (from her experience with other guys, she doesn't even know with me yet so she really shouldn't make conclusions too fast). I am just trying to see if there is any way to make it more comfortable/enjoyable for her. I definitely don't want to force her to do something she really doesn't want to do, but receiving a blow job is something I would like to experience, and since we've become so close, she is the person i'd like to experience it from. She has basically decided that she will perform oral sex at least once, and I would like to make it as comfortable as possible for her. so on that note nurse naddy is there any advice you could give?