Retarded Ejaculation

[Elco]

Before I get to the point of this post let me just explain
the terminology of this sexual dysfunction so we can be
clear. Retarded Ejaculation or RE is the name given to a
male ejaculatory dysfunction where the guy takes a long time
to ejaculate/orgasm...sometimes it takes up to an hour. This
however is the mildest form of this problem because the man
does, eventually, ejaculate.

Two other terms used instead of RE are more descriptive of
the problem in it's more severe form....the form where a man
cannot ejaculate with a partner at all, sometimes just
during intercourse, and often not by any means at all other
than self masturbation. The majority of men with these
problems suffer from the more severe form: Inhibited
Ejaculation or Male Anorgasmia.

Now young guys who have the version where you
CAN eventually ejaculate may find themselves
getting the more severe formin their late 20's
early 30's and beyond as their hormonal levels
begin to dip (this is natural) and they need
stronger visual and physical stimulation to
achieve orgasm.

Some men get so focused on the sex act and pleasing the
partner that they leave themselves open to a blocked
orgasmic/ejaculatory response. As one web site put
it....these men who suffer RE and Inhibited Ejaculation are
"givers" not "takers" and tend to be overly sensitive to
their partner's needs to the point of subconciously
neglecting their own. Many of them don't even realize they
are doing this.

Also, some men masturbate with a hard grip than cannot be
duplicated by vaginal or oral sex with a partner. If these
men are psychologically suseptible to RE or Inhibited
Ejaculation (ie: verbally or physically abused as children,
or come from a strict religious background, are anxious, shy
or sensitive or perhaps tend to suffer from sexual
performance anxiety) the "numb penis" these men experience
during sex can be combined with with a psychological
orgasmic block to create the conditions for this
sexual dysfunction.

RE and Inhibited Ejaculation not caused by an organic
problem (diabetes, multiple sclerosis, SSRI antidepressents
etc) but rather by a psychological dysfunction that sets up
a block at some stage in the arousal and orgasmic stages of
sex may be overcome by some method of distraction.

Overcoming this by distraction has proved to be very effective.
One of the most successful methods of distraction is to have
a television in the room playing an Xrated video. The couple
places the TV set in such a position that it is easily in
the man's field of vision. Many prefer to use a rear entry
sexual position with the woman on her knees and the man
behind her so that his view of the screen is unobstructed.

One man suffering from Anorgasmia and who had been trying
unsuccessfully to concieve a child with his wife for 8 years
managed to finally get her pregnant using this method. He
reported: "my wife doesn't particularly like pornography but
when our sex therapist suggested Xrated videos she agreed as
a last resort. I found that during intercourse if I took my
eyes off the screen and looked down at my wife, I would lose
the urge to ejaculate and begin to lose my erection. As long
as I kept my eyes fixed on the TV screen I was able to
easily ejaculate inside her in a matter of two or three
minutes. We were both so amazed by this that my wife agreed
to allow me to watch these videos every time she was in her
fertile time of the month and we concieved our first child
in the second month of trying. I had never been able to
ejaculate before with any woman or by any other method than
masturbation while alone."

In a commentary about this a sex therapist and psychologist
said that it may not necesarily even have been the
pornographic imagery that allowed this guy to finally enjoy
successful intercourse with his wife. Rather, it was the
fact that he was distracted by the images and was not paying
too much attention to the sex act he was involved in and so
the orgasmic block never appeared. The doctor went on to say
that perhaps pornography was not needed at all and as long
as the man was distracted enough "he could very well have
been watching the 6 o"clock news and still have ejaculated
during intercourse with his wife"

[Brandye]

Wonderful post, Elco. This family of conditions is not common and should not be feared when a man has an occasional bout going flacid.

I have never dealt with this situation but, then, men, especially Scots, do not usually bring these conditions to a woman doctor.

One of my woman patients had a husband experiencing RE to the point that they were both freaked out. He refused to do anything about it. Once we got him into treatment things improved. If you men are experiencing RE, help is available. No one is more interested in getting you help than your partner. Talk to her; talk to a sex therapist.

[Elamien]

Oh geez... this is sooooooo me... it takes me half an hour to sometimes 2 hours (and I can hold up to 8 hours when I want) and I need to focus to ejaculate, I though it was normal... what do I do?

[cba312]

my partner recently began having trouble ejaculating/acheiving an orgasm. For example: we will have sex at night before we go to bed and everything is fine and normal, then the next morning he is aroused and we have sex, for what seems like hours, but he cannot ejaculate or have an orgasm. is something wrong? or is it normal that he can't ejaculate because of doing so the night before? it doens't happen all the time, just on rare occasions. He tells me that it is still pleasurable to him, but it makes me feel uneasy.

[vagabondprince]

For one thing i just wanted to make this post more current so people with this problem can find it more quickly. I also want to let everyone with this problem know there is hope out there. Some of the things that have worked for me with this problem have been masturbating less frequently (as in don't do it at all until you start to ejaculate regularly during sex), pumping faster during sex and concentrating on the feel rather than just trying to make her feel good (although i'm not saying this should stop completely).

[SliderNL]

It looks like I might have the same problem. i find it very hard to come when I masturbate with my partner. I usually come very close but then back off for some unknown reason. The strange thing is I have no trouble coming when I'm on my own. Do you think I should stop masturbating untill I get beter?

[SliderNL]

After a week without masturbation, I can say it really helped. I slepped with my girlfriend this weekend and came like a rocket when we masturbated.

[anhedonic]

I didnt masturbate for a week also and i only got results by myself, that post was a great read, definatly relates to me alot, last night before me and my gf went to bed we both masturbated.

Im not sure what i did in my head but i didnt focus on my partner at all apart from her very yummy looking naughty bits and i didnt touch , and i paid %100 attention to what i was actually feeling and i didnt try to help it along like i usually do (because that just doesnt work) and i jismed! WHEE! i also had an ORGASM... everything i had before was nothing compared to it, i curled up into a ball it was so intense..

sorry for probably giving more detail than need im just excited!!

i definatly agree with Elco's post 100% , thank-u very much

[Tilston]

Seams to me that loads of people have RE. Ive spoken to it about a few people and they say that they sometimes take 2 hours.

I used to have it, now its fine. sometimes if i feel like it i can have 3hour sex it just depends on the girl.

i think that its kind of strange that so many people i know and have posted on here has RE and yet nobody knows what it is and if its normal.

can i just say, how do u guys go without masturbation for a week?!

[SliderNL]

I feel much better, now I know it's not just me. I thought it would be hard not to masturbate for a week, but it's actually quite easy (the thought of sex in the weekend is more than enought motivation). I have no trouble coming when I masturbate in front of my girlfriend. I find it still hard to come when my girlfriend masturbates me or gives me a blowjob. I come really close but to tend to back off for some unknown reason.