Can't cum with girl

[problemboy]

I have masterbated my entire life using a method that as far as I know is completely original. I lie on the ground face down. My right hand is underneath my left which is then underneath my pelvis where the root of my shaft attaches to my body. Not under the penis but on top. i.e. not testicle side. then my penis is pushed down almost parrallel with my legs. for stimulation I imgine having sex and then I rub the thum side of my left wrist down the shaft(towards the head of the penis). I do this rubbing by thrusting my pelvis. It may seem complicated, however, it works really well. I usually lay down a towel to catch the jiz. I have never ejaculated when trying to masterbate the normal way either! The big problem is that I have never ejaculated with my girlfriend... ever!!! She has gone down on me repeatedly for long periods of time, and tried as hard as she could to make me come and I still can't. During sex nothing happens either and we've tried all the positions we can think of. I'm afraid that what is happening is that I massage my prostate somehow when I masterbate which is causing my ejaculations. However, my it is very frusterating for my girfriend when she tries so hard and nothing happens at all. I went to the doc and he said as long as I'm producing sperm and it comes out somehow I'm ok. However, I'm afraid that someday I may not be able to concieve in the natural way. I think it is possible that I also have a psychological problem as well. Sorry this is such a long message but this is a huge problem for me. If anyone has any advice or experience with this kind of problem I would increadably happy if you could help me.

[ItalStall]

hi problemboy ... welcome to the board.

Your doctor is right. There doesn't sound as if there is anything physically wrong with you, or even necessarily anything pyschologically wrong for that matter. If you can make yourself come, then so can someone else - they just need to know how. The answer is deceptively simple - show her what you like and help her do it!

We all get turned on and stimulated by different things. She just doesn't yet know which buttons to push for you.

Next time she gives you oral, help her by adding your own hand stimulation. Same with the next time you are having intercourse. If something isn't working don't just beat it to death - there is nothing more certain to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy! Start her with what you know and like; once you've both mastered that, develop variations from that "safe place" until (my bet is that before no time is up) you will be able to come any which way you like!

Finally, read this Board and the rest of the Sexinfo101 site thoroughly to gain a full understanding of your body (and hers) and how it all fits together. Unless I am seriously misunderstanding the technique you use for masturbating, you seem confused about the location and stimulation of the prostate. The more you read and understand, the more you will realize that your problem is not unusual and that all you really need to do to overcome it is to help your girlfriend to help you.

Good luck!

p.s. Get her to show and help you with the things she likes too ... it works both ways!

[problemboy]

Well you see the problem is that I have tried and tried to use my hands in the normal way a lot. Even when she has been going down on me. Also we have been comunicating about what we each like and what makes us tick. we've been having great successful sex for like six or seven months now. The only problem is that I still can't cum. I've done my homework and read all there is to read about having successful sex with communication, experimentaion, and so on. However, its not that the it doesn't feel good. It feels great, but I just don't come... I even think I might cum sometimes but It still doesn't happen. There is something profoundly different from when I'm having sex, recieving head, and masterbating. When I masterbate I don't touch the penis barely at all. I only come in contact with about one to two inches up the shaft from the root. The rest is just suspended in the air. It must be really confusing for someone to visualize. Anyway, do you think there is any possible way that I am applying pressure to my prostate from the outside. I know that it is usually done through the anus, however, I think I might be doing it through the front as well. I am pushing quite hard with my hands. I push just above the root and just below the bladder which it where it would seem logical for the prostate to be. Anyway, if you have any other further input I would be much obliged.

Sincerely Problemboy

[demonbuttercup]

to massage the prostate externally you would need to rub the perineum or area between your testicles and anus.

[Rawbob]

Greetings Problemboy!

You're right that the prostate is actually inside the lower colon and really only accessable via the anus.

Based on both of your post's i'm leaning towards something more psychological. Clearly you have the ability to ejaculate sine your "push your penis down towards your feet and rub" style of masturbation.

That said, my initial thought is that deep in your subconscious you're fear of getting a woman pregnant may be at the source of your inability to achieve orgasm during intercourse.

Perhaps you had a strict upbringing, perhapse you came from a very "closed" house where there was only negative images projected to you by friends and family, or perhaps there was some "dramatic" issue within you immediate family (your sisiter/mother/aunt, etc) got pregnant outside of wedlock.

Until you can come to grips why your MIND won't let you achieve orgasm when you are being intimate, using all the toys and techniques will be useless -- albiet fun!

This does NOT mean you are mentally ill..it means that something deep inside your subsconscious, you're mind is interrupting the orgasm process and you need to find out what that is and resolve it!

Based on my post, can you give us any insight on your sexual upbringing and history?

[?wiseman?]

Problemboy, I'm with Rawbob on this one to the extent that it's probably more in your head. The frequency of your masterbation could also have something to do with it. If you masterbate very frequently, you may be desensitizing yourself a bit and not letting the pressures build for release. Try laying off for a week or so.

Also, have you asked your g/f to masterbate you with the same technique that you use?

Basically, I think you may be thinking so much about wanting to get off with your girlfriend, that you have a brain cloud in the way when the two of you are together.

[problemboy]

To all,
Although I can see how you could arrive at the conclusion that my household could have sexually oppressed my by my post, it is quite off the mark. My father is very open with me about sex and so is my mother. There's never been any anxiety about my having premarital sex or anything like that.

I'm starting to lean towards the phycollogical as well although I don't think that it is something that I need to let go of in my subconcious. I also have had a long history of viewing porn on the internet which I think has cuased me to come possibly to rely on it. However, this also loses its merth since I also ejaculate when masterbating and focussing on the expieriences I have had with my girlfriend.

My conclusion is that (and this is just what I think I still want any input anyone can give me) my body is too used to masterbation or a certain way of movement in order to ejaculate. I think I will have to simply resist masterbating altogether. However, this means total abstinence from ejaculation untill I am able to do so with my girlfriend. I'm sure that there are others out there who know that abstaining from ejaculation can be very very hard to do.

When you normally masterbate once a week or once every 3 to 4 days and then stop altogether, it is increadibly hard to simply ignore the fact that you could balance the empire state building on your pants every time an attractive female walks by. I've gotten up to 2 weeks or so no masterbating and then trying with my girlfriend and there has still been no go.

Anyway, this is just a bit of my speculation. I would still greatly appreciate any advice or opinions anyone might have. It is comforting to know that people are interested enough in my problem to respond. thankyou all for what you've said so far.

Sincerely, problemboy