can't orgasm

[jess]

now i haven't read EVERYTHING posted on here but i have looked around quite a bit. there is a question that applies most of the time to females but can also apply to males about why one cannot orgasm. now true, self exploration helps you to become more comfortable with your body in which case you are more comfortable with others and it is easier to orgasm but there is another reason. for woman that have been sexually abused (and aparently no one seems to want to talk about this) it can be difficult. if you think you may have been or you know you have been the best thing to do is to talk to a therapist (this is the position i'm in right now) it helps a lot and even if you think you will not be able to talk to someone you don't know there are good ones out there (and not so good ones) and the good ones can really help you. and if you feel you are not ready to talk to someone there is a book i have found very useful. it is called the courage to heal by ellen bass and laura davis. it is mostly aimed at women survivors of sexual abuse but may be able to help men also. i always had a really hard time talking about it, in fact i never did until recently but once i acknowledged that it might be a reason for some of my behaviours i decided to explore it more deeply. please look into getting help if you think this may be a problem. it's hard but it's so much easier after you take the first step. you are not alone. 4 out of 5 females have been molested. if there is anything i can do to help anyone let me know. sorry this was so serious but on a sex chat board i believe this is a topic that needs to be looked at.

[Guido]

Hi jess, welcome to the Board.

You make an excellent point about sexual abuse sometimes being the underlying reason why females and males have sexual problems later in life. I agree that it is critical for an abused person to get professional help to overcome the trauma and after-effects of such an experience. So I applaud you for bringing the subject to our attention here.

Without wishing to undermine your post in any way, I must say I do find it difficult to believe that 4 out of 5 females have been molested (although I am sure it is much more common than most of us would like to believe). But, if that is true, it is a sad indictment of mankind! Where did you get that figure from and how sure are you of it's accuracy?

Of course it goes without saying that even 1 out of 5 would be one too many!

[jess]

Ack I didn't mean to write it as fact I meant to say somewhere around that number and I was going to get back with the real number. The real statistic is 1 out of 3 girls and 1 out of 7 guys. I first heard this from my mom, then my therapist and then the book I mentioned. You would be surprised how many people have been victims of sexual abuse I alone know ten between my friends and my moms friends. That's a lot.