My boyfriend lost his virginity before I came along. I was a virgin up until early this June when the moment just seemed too perfect to pass up. He hadn't had sex since his last girlfriend about two years ago. He and I have been together for about a year and a half. The first time we had sex we had been fooling around for about an hour, so he didn't last all that long and I didn't orgasm, which was just fine with me. The next time we had sex, I did orgasm from intercourse and so did he. We've had sex some 7 or 8 times. A few days ago we were laying around he mentioned that sex really isn't that great for him. It never has been and it still isn't. He says that the blowjobs and handjobs I give him are way more intense than the orgasms he gets from having sex. He thinks it may be because he concentrates so hard on getting me to climax that he doesn't concentrate on himself. His one thing about it though is that he feels if he doesn't concentrate on me and thinks about himself he won't last as long. SO, my big question is, how can the sex be as good for him as it is for me? Guys are always talking about how great sex is... Why is it that my boyfriend doesn't really enjoy sex and what can we do to make sex better for him?
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This one kind of hit the nail on the head for us. My husband (of 5 years) has told me before that he doesn't really feel all that much during regular sex. However, I have noticed that while giving him a blow job and then just before he starts to cum I start stroking him with my hand, I can get him shaking all over. He has told me before that that is by far the best for him.
If you think it is to do with him conentrating too hard on satisfying you, consider the possibility of first letting him bring you off through either fingering or oral, letting you basque a short while and then recommencing in foreplay before intercourse.
I know i had worries earlier in my relationship through fear of being poor in bed, and all that was really going through my head was whether i was being good for my girlfriend.
I wouldn't say that him having more intense orgams through handjobs is particularly odd. If you continue stroking back and forth after ejacualtion it can provide particularly intense sensations, far stronger than merely cumming (in my case anyway, i could always just be an oddball
).
Experience and experimentation are probably the best course of action. Poking around sites like this doesn't hurt either
I read your post twice and am now comfortable pointing out that he did NOT say he doesn't enjoy sex. I think what he said is that he cums harder (more intensely) from hand and blow jobs and finds intercourse a bit less pleasurable. That's not necessarily a bad thing and I also suspect it's not that rare.
What I do hear is an important conversation, the kind more people should have... you and him talking about sex openly and honestly and exploring things together. I'd say, "Keep doing what you're doing." That includes "mixing it up" technique-wise and having these kind of dialogs.
Most of what he said is true, by the way. If during intercourse he simply enjoys himself and doesn't concentrate on you, he will cum quicker. That doesn't mean he's suffering; it makes him a good and thoughtful lover. A new partner is almost always "a little more work." For your part, you can tell him what pleases you... encourage him to relax and enjoy himself, etc.
7-8 lovemaking sessions is simply not enough to learn each other's bodies and responses. Give it time. And lots of practice.
Hi ktbabe3724.
I'm guessing that you both are young. Hence, his worry about not lasting long enough. Have you tried going for two orgasms for him? Let him "get the first one out of the way" so to speak, and he should last longer the second time. Maybe that might help him relax and not worry so much. It also happens to be true that all men- like all women- are different. What feels good to one person may not work on someone else. Personally, I don't get off easily from blowjobs. But handjobs and intercourse can bring me off fairly quickly. He needs to find what feels good to him and learn that "That's okay." The philosophy being "It doesn't matter how you get there as long as you enjoy the ride." LOL
Take care and good luck.