I disagree with just about everyone else here. Why bring it up at all? It's not something the other person NEEDS to know. Sex really isn't all that hard to do - if you know what goes where and how, you should be alright. If I were you, I wouldn't say a thing about it...

I don't know if it works the other way, but being a guy, if I know a girl is a virgin I'd likely avoid having sex with her. If she doesn't tell me, well, I can't make a decision based on something I don't know...

....I thought my signature would give me away as a guy. Or YOUR signature as well LOL.

I wouldn't keep up the act of pretending when it comes to things you don't know. There is a difference between feeling your way and putting up a front.

Reality is, when you start, you WILL be experiencing it for the first time (no matter how much you read up on it), you can get carried away and have sensation overload.
Thing is, it's completely acceptable (to fair minded people) and you can get away with not knowing how to do this or that.

However, if they think you're not? You can't get away with anything, particularly if they're experienced and have expectations.

[quote=the_moth;211385]wow,think i worded that second part wrong,i guess what i meant to say is,in future relationships should i act normal until the time comes, and tell her about me still being a virgin? or explain to her before it gets to that point?[/quote]Well so far you have been doing foreplay, so no big stranger to that part. If you get to the point where you think in a relationship that intercourse or more heavy petting is going to be inevitable, that's the only point you bring up that you are still a virgin. It's not something you need to disclose to people you date, no discussion on the topic unless sex is on the table. No need to discuss past partners & here no need to discuss no partner until you are ready. But it's not something you will be able to hide when you are at that point. Its pretty obvious to women & men if someone is; so don't lie. In the interim, read and learn so you have a good concept of what goes into it and proper birth control for both of you.

I strongly urge you to go out and find an experienced partner to teach you the basics. No, you do not have to be in a relationship to have sex and this is for educational purposes, should you require some justification.

Why? Reason 1:Because if you don't know, you'll make poor choices; mainly because you have no way of properly judging potential partners. For example: out there, there are Princes/Princesses, Train wrecks, Narcissists, OCDs, Psychos, and Predators, to name just a few. Can you recognise them?

Reason 2: because most people prefer someone with a bit of a resume'. No, they do not want to know the details. They just want to know that you can be relied upon, sexually speaking.

Reason 3: because if you're 30 or 40 and still a virgin, most women will run from you even if there's a phalanx of axe murderers waiting for her outside. Most men wil think there's something dreadfully wrong with you but they'll take a chance if being seen with you will not negatively impact their reputation with their friends, the "I'd do her if no one ever finds out." thing.

As to "when to tell" - it will be unnecessary for you to say anything as most people will be able to tell. Not the people in the street, but those you get close to with the aim of forming a connection. Your responses will be slightly off.

> In the interim, read and learn so you have a good concept of what goes into it and proper birth control for both of you.

START HERE:

--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics

> in future relationships,should i be a little shy about my virginity? or should i carry on pretending i know what im doing? seeing is how i'll probably be the virgin in the relationship.

DO NOT fake or lie. Doing so will get a person into more trouble in the long run. Be honest. You do not have to discuss your status until the time comes to explore intercourse.

Sera, he stated doing things through their clothing so I'd consider this more "Heavy Petting" than Foreplay; this happens with the clothes (partially) off.

Everybody has been a virgin up to some point in time. Making love is a partnership and one in which we do things with and for each other. I recommend exploring and learning together. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. It is simply a state of being and one to be proud of especially as your relationship transitions into a more intimate one.

If both people are virgins then learning together can be fun if you do not get all hung up on perfection. If one person is experienced, often it brings him/her much pleasure to bring the other partner along. Either way, have fun with this and do not be worried about performance issues or failure. Focus instead on communicating your love on an emotional level and the physical aspects will improve over time and with practice. Practice can be fun if you take the angst out of the equation.

There's no reason to ever be shy about virginity. I lost it at 28 and wouldn't change a moment. In fact I flew it proudly like a flag (when and only when the topic came up) until I lost it due to how rare that is these days. Be honest about it, let it be an enjoyable learning experience. If your partner is anything less than 100% understanding or does not take care of you emotionally through your learning, find someone that will. Nervousness with your first time at anything is OK, and natural, and you need someone who can take you by the hand and guide you through it in a secure and yet enjoyable way.

Hint: we were all born virgin. Sooner or later, the vast majority of us choose to change our status. Nothing to be either worried or concerned or upset about. You make the choice.

[QUOTE=oedipussy;211469]I disagree with just about everyone else here. Why bring it up at all? It's not something the other person NEEDS to know. Sex really isn't all that hard to do - if you know what goes where and how, you should be alright. If I were you, I wouldn't say a thing about it...

I don't know if it works the other way, but being a guy, if I know a girl is a virgin I'd likely avoid having sex with her. If she doesn't tell me, well, I can't make a decision based on something I don't know...[/QUOTE]

See guys have told me before they LOVE to be a girls first-makes them feel they've summitted a mountain or some such thing. Being a girl, I dunno about that, but that's how it was described to me.

And if the more experienced one doesn't know you've never done this before, there could be emotional things going on they can't watch out for, which will make the experience negative for the newbie. For example, if a girl cries after because it was her first time, wouldn't it be easier for you to help her understand and be ok with what's going on if you knew ahead of time?

And, it can be cool to know that you're teaching someone something they're interested in learning and that they're enjoying. I was always up front about it, and my current flame was up front with me too. It didn't make me avoid it, just made me more careful about his feelings while we were doing it.

[QUOTE=latebloomer;211474]See guys have told me before they LOVE to be a girls first-makes them feel they've summitted a mountain or some such thing. Being a girl, I dunno about that, but that's how it was described to me.

And if the more experienced one doesn't know you've never done this before, there could be emotional things going on they can't watch out for, which will make the experience negative for the newbie. For example, if a girl cries after because it was her first time, wouldn't it be easier for you to help her understand and be ok with what's going on if you knew ahead of time?

And, it can be cool to know that you're teaching someone something they're interested in learning and that they're enjoying. I was always up front about it, and my current flame was up front with me too. It didn't make me avoid it, just made me more careful about his feelings while we were doing it.[/QUOTE]

Well I sure don't see it like that. For me, a virgin = inexperienced and uptight.

At my age, if a girl hasn't lost her virginity yet, it tells me that she's "waiting for the right person" and that she equates sex with love. I don't want to end up with a clingy psycho on my hands. I highly doubt I'd have enough in common with someone who's held onto their virginty for that long to have sex with them anyway...

And I don't see how someone's feelings about losing their virginity would be my responsibility - that's something that they need to deal with on their own. Seeing as the person who started this thread is a guy, I don't think there will be any emotional aftermath here.

So I guess now you can see why I probably wouldn't have sex with a known virgin!

Long, long time ago...I guy I dated was a Virgin yet failed to tell the truth [or omission of the fact]; stating little [sexual] innuendos which I will not go in to regarding oral and how great he is at it. Well, one night on a golf course...he had a tough time "playing & getting the hole". Good thing I cared about him & he was very sweet...needless to say by the end of the night he was a happy camper. I never said anything about his previous comments or the need to take over control. Later he was the first to make me have a full blown orgasm with penetration alone--I guess he repaid and learned! Still makes me chuckle & even when I run into him! Should have married him :) 9!

[QUOTE=oedipussy;211476]And I don't see how someone's feelings about losing their virginity would be my responsibility - that's something that they need to deal with on their own. Seeing as the person who started this thread is a guy, I don't think there will be any emotional aftermath here.

So I guess now you can see why I probably wouldn't have sex with a known virgin![/QUOTE]

I wasn't speaking of feelings surrounding loss of virginity. But rather of feelings surrounding the intimidation and nervousness of doing these types of things for the first time. I just know how nervous I was the first time I serviced a guy in any way.

Also, to each their own, I didn't mean to criticize your opinion, and I hope you didn't take it as such.

I could weep! "Service a guy??? Are you insane, latebloomer?? Where did come up with THAT attitude? As if you were a quickie-mart or something! "and would you like an orgasm with that?"

as if her value lies only between her legs!

If you had gotten rid of your virginity earlier there would not be nervousness and intimidation now, but rather a more joyous celebration and embracing your sexuality. You have missed a LOT of fun.

Ugh.....if only there was a "quickie-mart" people could go to in order to lose their virginity....you seem to think it's a lot easier then it really is EEK, I wish I no longer had mine in the way....but thus far I have not gotten the chance to get rid of it.....lol.

[quote=Cherry Cheesecake;211604]Ugh.....if only there was a "quickie-mart" people could go to in order to lose their virginity....you seem to think it's a lot easier then it really is EEK, I wish I no longer had mine in the way....but thus far I have not gotten the chance to get rid of it.....lol.[/quote]Sort of like the Seven-Eleven--"open for service 24/7"...kidding.

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;211562]I could weep! "Service a guy??? Are you insane, latebloomer?? Where did come up with THAT attitude? As if you were a quickie-mart or something! "and would you like an orgasm with that?"

as if her value lies only between her legs!

If you had gotten rid of your virginity earlier there would not be nervousness and intimidation now, but rather a more joyous celebration and embracing your sexuality. You have missed a LOT of fun.[/QUOTE]

I didn't mean it that way. It was a euphamism. The first thing I learned for the first time was to give a BJ. Call it pleasure a guy, call it go at it, call it whatever the H you want. The point is the same: first times are nerve-wracking. And no, my value most definitely does NOT lie merely between my legs. Admission is EARNED, and HARD-earned. But give those of us who are a little less dominant than you a bit of a break, ok? Slightly sub doesn't mean weak. Inside I'm the strongest little B he'll ever meet, and he is VERY well aware of that.

Nevertheless, you missed a lot of fun and for what? One does have to think one's life choices through BEFORE acting upon them. You, latebloomer, had one idea and then "one thing led to another". That doesn't sound as if any thought was involved.

Sure, it is easy, Cheesecake! Look at all the men out there! Some of them would be more than happy to help given half a chance. Clean yourself up, be prepared, and smile at them. Most men would be so happy you even noticed their existence that they'd leap at even a smile.

Yes, I am dominant but "Tigress" works for me. I have a great deal of fun with men and think that, on the whole, they are wonderful people. It may well be that "fluffy bunny" works for you. But never describe yourself as being a bitch. There are enough "female esteem-killers" out there already. We do not need any more.

....Well, as much as I would love to lose it to another man......

I WOULD be more then happy to help out any ladies out there!

Then do your marketing more effectively! For example: with a handle like "Cherry Cheesecake" most would expect a female simply because "cheesecake" is traditionally associated with women while "beefsteak" or "beefcake" is associated with men.

Or.....I just like cheesecake LOL.

cherry, i assumed you were of the female persuasion as well.. ha!

Marketing principles say to be clear, concise, and witty in your ENTIRE presentation. A masculine tag line does not make up for a feminine handle.

when i met my current bf (about 3,5 yrs ago) he was in his early 20's and still a virgin, but he kept it vague... like he had an open box of condoms at his apartment but he had them there just in case, but because it was open it gave the impression he had used some before lol.. anyway, after a little while of dating we did have sex, and well he came like ultra quickly so i was like hmm something isn't right here lol.. but had i known he was a virgin i would have been more understanding about it (not that i did anything or said anything, was just thinking gee that was inconsiderate to come so fast)...
But lucky for him my best friend at the time who was a guy said "im sure he's a virgin" when i told him how inconsiderate in bed i thought my new bf was... So i let it slide for a while (dont remember how long, couple of months maybe), and things slowly improved, so then i brought it up and he said that indeed he was a virgin and that he was embarassed to tell me...
I was a little annoyed at first (like, what else has he been lying about, or well what did he think i was going to do, laugh at him or something?!), but we're fine now... Lucky for him my best friend totally took his side on this issue, but i say IF you're close enough to your gf you could tell her, but if its not a relationship that you think is going to last then perhaps there's no need to tell her. ... and lucky for me i trust my friend and he never made fun of him for being a virgin lol (well hey, that friend only had sex with 2 people... me, and his current gf lol.. anyway i digress)...
My bf and i hope to be married next year and i think it's sweet that i'm the only girl he has been with (altho a while back i had some insecurities about that... like will he get curious and wander elsewhere type insecurities, but i dunno over the years i just dont see it happening)
Hope my store sheds some light for you, or at least something to ponder... meow!

No virgins for me tyvm!!!

I'm a virgin as well and was worried that I would be the "only one" eventually but speaking for myself, I would love the fact that you are a virgin. I am absoulutely positive that other people will think the same even if it's not very many and the fact that you're a virgin would make me feel more comfortable with you. Personally speaking I think it's sexy that you're a virgin :)

What's sexy about someone who's never had sex?

That's kind of like being a fan of a boxer who doesn't have any arms...

ha yeah dude. a virgin has no idea what they're doing! i get it if you love them, but someone you don't even know...?

that just reminds me of a 60 minutes i watched where a 14 year old muslim suicide bomber told the reporter that if he had successfully blown himself up then his religion says that 72 virgins would be awaiting him in heaven, or some bull****.

I'm sorry, let me expand a little: If I met him and ended up going out with him, I would like the fact that he is a virgin because I am as well and I wouldn't have to be self-conscious about my own skills. I would feel more comfortable around him. And to me comfort is important (even if you are supposed to go outside your comfort zone). It would be like if you went into a class on art, and had no experience at all while every one else had a few years. I know I would be self-conscious.

So we are all to be ignorant just to save you a bit of social discomfort?!?!?

Just stay at home and play with your dolls. Why? Because you're NOT ready to have sex.

Would you take automobile driving lessons from someone who cannot drive a car? NO, you wouldn't. Yet, you want "the blind" to lead "the blind" when it comes to sex. Does even make SENSE to you? It is a virgin's business to learn. So it is best for their first partner to have experience but ALSO to have patience, patience, and more patience.

I see your point EEK. Thanks for the analogy. It completely makes sense.