Ok recently ive been spending a lot of time with a female friend of mine. She has a bf and he treats her like shit. Well last sunday night she came for the first time in a long time. she lives about 4 hours north of me. and we spent the whole night cuddling on my friends floor watching tv. it was so good. Then out of nowhere she kissed me and we just kinda did that for a while. Again, catching me off gaurd she grabs my hand and puts it under her shirt. Ive been in love with her for almost a year now so I am loving this but at the same time im kinda worried about how shell feel later.
Wednesday comes around and she calls me to tell me shes coming over. Ive got no problem with that. Well she gets here and we go to the beach. Its f***ing cold so we go back to the car and again this happens, the kissing the feeling. Only this time she gets naked and starts stripping me. I think we are going to have sex. But i go down on her for a while and then thats it..
My question is: What should i do about this. I dont feel 100% right about this because she has a bf but i dont feel wrong about it at all. She feels kind of guilty but she isnt going to tell her bf. I did feel like i was being used but i know there is emotion behind it on her end she has told me a few things so... What should i do?
Mon, 03/08/2004 - 03:24
#1
Being the side lovin'
Wally, i mwith you.. I dont buy it for one minute. And i Personalyl don't belive... that she will leave her bf.. any time soon.. becaus really.. she isnt that stupid, shes getting what she wants... theboyfriend whoshes been with but then someone on the side who shows her the respect which she "craves" once and a while.. lol
jamie
Sorry, I don't buy it... go back and read your original post. It's not about how much you and her think alike, share the same values, etc. It's about kissing and getting your hand in her shirt.
Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course!
But be prepared for a powerful lesson: some women "enjoy" being treated like shit. (The more precise term is called "abused woman syndrome.") In other words, there's a good chance she'll be all warm and cozy with you, but she'll run back to the bf when it comes down to it.
Reality check!
Wally
well then why is she letting some scrawny guy push her around.
tell her exactly what you told us in your last post. explain to her you don't want to see her w/ that jerk and she deserves better.
Its not all about sex for us though. We can just sit and talk for hours and stuff. I mean its always been that way with us. The sex is just something that recently happened. i want her more than anything else right now. i feel wonderful when im around her. im in love wiht her.
Lady's right... Fish or cut bait, as they say.
I don't mean to be brutal, but it sounds to me like you just want to boink her and you're hoping to justify it by explaining how "mean" her bf is to her.
Just do it (or not) and accept whatever the consequences are.
I guess I'm not feeling very compassionate this morning.
Wally
hun, there isnt much more advice you can get.. it all really comes down to.. Do you want this.
yeah i thought about that.. but ive met him and he aint shit.. never been in a fight scrawny guy. im like 300 pounds so.. not worryed about him kickin my ass. besides if he did step me id just back down and not fight him.. i dont like to fight. now if he hit her.. id kill him. i want some brandeye advice on this one.
well it sounds like her b/f has irrational and maybe even violent tendancies.
i suggest she focus on breaking if off w/ him and leaving a potentially dangerous situation instead of trying to hide an affair w/ you.
on the other hand, she might be one of those types of girls who loves the drama. she thrives on the fact of the hostile b/f and the new guy on the side. the thrill of maybe getting caught.
just be prepared that if you get involved you might be the one who ends up in the hospital if the b/f finds out about you and her.
something to think about.
They dont live together, they have been together for like 4 months. He yells at her over shit she cant control or has nothign to do with. If he has a bad day and she says something to agitate him he gets all pissed off and yells for no reason.
I think Lady brings up a good point, but that said, if we all judged people on how they treated their "boy/girlfriend" during dating, then maybe NO ONE would get married!
I'm not diminishing the point, just that i don't think i've met ANY dating couple where they weren't totally honest with their boy/girlfriend near the end of their relationship.
That said, there is a HUGE difference between dating, committed relationships, engagement and marriage. Yes, two people should always be honest about their feelings - some are, most are not.
DCX, is your "gal-friend" living with her boyfriend? How long have they been dating? When you say he treats her like shit, how do you mean? Before i can really give advice that will mean anything....I need that info.
if her b/f is all that bad why don't she just dump him.
i never understood cheating on someone for months when you don't really care for your old b/f or g/f anymore. just get it over w/ and break up w/ them. it saves everyone a lot of time and misery.
nods.. well... i think you gotta really think about that.. and realy do you want a girl like that??? i duno.. it took me a long time to figure out i didnt wantguys like that.. but i did eventually and man im glad i did
jamie
its really funny you said that. my ex imed me today and was taking about her new boyfriend and how shes in love blah blah.. well come to find out she did cheat on me with him. yay more for the mind.
well one thing i would ask myself was.. if she can do this.. to her bf she has now.. would she do it to me?
i duno i think you should stay away? because.. i duno.. put your self in the guy's shoes.. how would you feel if ur gf was cheatin on you.. with some guy... but you had no idea.. lol i duno.. and.. maybe its time to sit her down and figure out what she wants.. because it can get dangerus.. bein in the middle like you are.
jamie