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[QUOTE=m4speedway;264077][COLOR="blue">I've been casually seeing a guy for 8 month that likes anal sex and I don't. I've let him try twice mainly just to please him.

That was along time ago and I've since said I don't like anal but tonight we were chatting on msn about an upcoming night we are spending together at the weekend and he said he will be doing it (never asked), I said you can't unless I let you and he said you will and just ended the conversation by saying 'cos you will want to I hope'.[/COLOR]

You and every woman has the right to to agree to or disagree with whatever you want, no questions asked. You are in charge of your life, not anybody else, pure and simple. Do not give your power over to someone who does not display any care or compassion toward you and only wants what he wants when he wants it. You are better than this; there are better men than this. I strongly urge that you end the casual relationship and move on.

It is important to know and understand two principle relationship facts: It takes on "NO" and two "YESes" for something to happen or not to. Second, that relationships are partnerships and not something we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other, together. Both of you, and especially this guy, needs to appreciate these rules of the road.

[COLOR="blue">I haven't had chance to reply to that as he just logged off but I want him to know I really really don't want anal sex but I'm worried if I say that he won't bother to see me as we planned cos he won't get his own way. [/COLOR]

So, what you are telling us is that you would much rather have a date with this person along with the drama and potential trauma, or, give in, rather than stand by your decision and principles. Why are you interested in continuing this casual relationship instead of looking for someone else? Please read the article on dating and what it is all about, that being to go out with many people in order to find Mr./Ms. Right from among those who come into your life. Relationships should not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest.

[COLOR="Blue">He is a very dominant type of guy when it comes to having sex, we do things in positions he likes etc and when i try to say what I like its always his way. [/COLOR]

You are seeing a demonstration of what is likely to happen once a relationship moves from casual to serious. If history is any determination, he will begin to control more and more of your life and limit your access to what is acceptable or not on your part.

[COLOR="blue">Scared of saying something as he may decide not to see me. None of he previous g/fs would do anal sex with him. Can anyone give me some advise on what to say to tell him how I feel without offending him (he gets stroppy easily). I don't have any female friends to talk to about this either.
:confused:[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

You have just described a [COLOR="red">HUGE[/COLOR] danger signal sent by a potentially controlling and potentially abusive personality. My recommendation is to cancel your weekend get together, and set about dating more interesting and well rounded men.

I cant agree more with dancing. This is not a good form of relationship. he is telling you what you will do and he seems very demanding. I would drop him before it gets any further. No man is worth you doing things you dont want to do. If he cant accept and love you for who you are then he is not worth your love and acceptance. Beyond that if he cant sexualy satisfy your needs and give you what you want and crave, The why should you do what he wants. This relationship at a quick glance seems full of holes. I would drop him and get a man thats worth it.

> The reason I am still with this guy after 8 months is pure and simple loneliness.

It is better to entertain yourself than to be in a controlling abusive domineering belittling uncaring relationship any day.

As for being in a relationship, if you cannot live by yourself and must rely upon a partner to complete you, then there is a problem to be fixed. A successful relationship is when two autonomous adults with pasts choose to come together and build a future. I recommend that you work on becoming one with yourself, first.

> I would love to ditch him and find someone else but that is my problem. I don't have any single friends left to go out with

The primary problem is that you do not think enough of yourself or value yourself enough to end a dependent relationship in which the man places no value on you.

> and my only options left are internet dating and speed dating - both of which i keep trying and never getting anywhere.

Please tell us your age, whether you are in school, and, working. In addition, please tell us what size town or city you live in and whether it is within an hour or so of a large metropolitan city.

My point is that I grew up in a small town in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada mountains in California in the heart of the Mother Lode gold country. Whether you live in a small community, medium, or large city, any person can be isolated and alone. It is a lifestyle choice. Not to be is also a choice. What to try and do about it is this:

1. Join a church
2. Find volunteer work at a hospital or charity, food bank, etc.
3. Introduce yourself to neighbors, co workers, or other people and see if you can develop friendships with any of them.
4. Inform one or more that you are looking for a good man to date and ask if they know of any guy from among their family and/or friends, and if so, ask to be introduced. This is not the internet--IT IS CALLED NETWORKING.
5. Call the local or nearby Chamber of Commerce and ask if they can give you a list of service clubs and hobby related clubs that you can join--then network.

> don't need to be with someone right away but I'm scared of being alone again for along time to come - i was on my own before i met this guy for over 5 years so I have reason to feel very lonely and even scared and it felt nice to have someone like me.

If you are unhappy with this person, why stay? Why not look for better? Why not take my suggestions, above, and implement them? If you want to make a change in your life, do something and network with others. Become proactive.

Dating services are OK if they are reputable organizations. Meeting in a chat room of some kind is potentially very dangerous and I would recommend against it. Ya just never know who you are really talking to. Never ever, give you personal information or your address. If you do choose to meet someone, meet the first time in a public location. Most restaurants have front doors that swing both ways in case you need to make a hasty retreat.

In the meantime, please begin reading the articles listed in the Index and add the information to what you already know. Knowledge is empowering and right now I see you without resources and ideas. Now, you have both.

As for participating in anal sex or any other activity sexual or other, you have every right to make a pro or con decision as does anyone else; however, I do suggest that you read the article in the Index on this just so you have more information about the activity. Anal play can be very fun when a finger or dildo is used. Anal play can be an exterior (rimming) form of play, or, you can have some degree of penetration using a finger or dildo.

Anal "sex" need not be all about having a penis entering the anus and beyond. Many women put up a boundary at anal intercourse yet fully enjoy the use of a finger and/or toys. I encourage you to learn more before making a final decision one way or the other.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

Yes i agree with jessica and dancing doc.I was in an abusive relationship for 7 yrs.We've been separated for 10yrs and i'm soon to get a divorce.He was very dominating and controlling also and i haven't ended the relationship earlier because i was afraid of being alone also.And like you i had no female friends to talk to.It seems this man like my husband wants his way regardless of how you feel.Please PM me if you'd like to chat to a woman who understands how you are feeling.

i very much agree

Way to go!!You tell him girl

Boy, this guy seems like a real jewel of a human being and you are oh so lucky just to be able to have a casual relationship with him. Just the kind of guy every woman want's!!! I can see why you're scared he'll dump you if you don't consent. He's such a Gods's gift to woman kind that he had to find himself a lonely woman with no sence of self esteem or worth so he could feel great about himself and use and abuse you.
Only you can decide if you are worth better treatment from your intimate partners, whether casual or not. He'll keep right on mistreating and disrespeting you as long as you allow him to. He specifically zoned in on you because of your lonliness and has exploited his position in the relationship as well as your body because he figures that you'll put up with it. I'd send him a MSG that the hot weekend he's got planned for himself requires a prostitute, not you since the relationship is only casual and it's all about him anyway. The only differance is he'll have to pay for his kinks rather than abusing you to get his jollies!!!! This would be a strong and assertive way of telling him off and showing him that you are no doormat and he's not walking all over you anymore. You can dump him before he dumps you and don't that sound empowering!!!