Hi guys, I'm new here.
I'm a 21 year old female virgin, and although I've never had a problem with this before, lately I feel quite embarrassed about it. The only other people who know are my sister and my two best friends. I know its nothing to be ashamed of, and I know a lot of other people my age who are still virgins. But the problem is, the people I spend the most time with lately are my college friends, most of whom are very outgoing and talk about sex a lot. They're all much more experienced than me, and I have never felt comfortable enough to tell them I'm a virgin myself.
Recently I've become very close to one guy in college, and I think I'm ready to have sex with him. The thing is, he's already slept with a friend of mine (on the first night) and a few other girls before her. Because of this, I feel a bit uncomfortable telling him I'm a virgin. I'm really worried about how he'll judge me. I know it might sound a bit silly, but I can't help feeling this way.
So basically my question is: does it make a difference to your 'first time' experience if your partner knows? I know he may be more gentle and considerate if he does know, but a big part of me just wants to get it over with without any fuss.
What are your opinions?
ok so, from what i know about the guys here, in my town, love virgins, i guess they like taking it, but be honest with him, its better for him to know about it so that he doesnt have white sheets or something like that on his bed when it happens cause its going to be really bloody, but do tell him, just make sure this is the guy you want to have your first time with,
Thanks everyone, you've really helped.
I don't know why I feel like this at the moment. I haven't seen this guy for a few weeks, we finished college and he moved back home, but I will see him again next week. I do care about him a lot and I know he cares about me. When I'm with him he always makes me feel at ease and I never thought the virgin thing would be an issue. Its when I'm not around him that I start thinking like this, and I'm probably just being silly.
I will tell him when/if the time comes. I wanted to even though I was nervous, but reading your messages has convinced me it is the right thing to do
First, I'll repeat what has been said already, don't be ashamed of being a virgin. We all start out that way. You have sex when YOU are ready and not before. Anyone who has a problem with that isn't worth wasting time on.
Now, as for being worried about not having "experience"... Here's a little tip: Everytime with someone new is a "first" time. A guy may have been Don Juan, Rudolph Valentino, and Warren Beatty all roled up into one with the last person he was with, but he's never been with YOU before. He's going to have to learn what works for you- it'll be his virgin experience with you.
So you shouldn't worry about it. By all means, tell him you are a virgin. Any guy worth his salt will take his time making the experience a good one anyway, but knowing you are a virgin would mean he should take extra care to learn what feels right for you.
Have fun!
And don't forget to be safe.... condoms and a spermicidal gel or foam, at the very least.
i'd wait for someone that you really care about
and its nothing to be embarassed about. I lost my virginity at 13, was with someone i loved/love so its ok for me anyway.. but please wait for someone you really care about and they really care about you
I didn't lose my virginity till I was 22. I was almost 23 for that matter.
I was never ashamed I was a virgin and most people probably wouldn't have believed I was one as I could talk some dirty stuff. Most people I know still think I'm one as I feel that it's my business and not theirs... and none of them flat out ask me. They just assume. But yea, I was never ashamed.
I had never been kissed before my guy and never even been "felt up" before him either. I was pretty much a virgin in every aspect.
But yes, I think you should tell him. I told him I was one and eventually told him I wanted to lose it to him. He didn't understand why him exactly, but that's another story. But I knew I wanted to lose it to him and I couldn't imagine losing it to anyone else and I'm very happy with my decision. I don't regret it, neither does he, and he's happy that I chose him and he was happy to take it so to speak. Happy and gloating being different things to me. He's never gloated about it.
He was very considerate my first time. Made sure I was ok throughout it all and made sure it was what I wanted to do all the way up until right before her put it in.
So yes, I think you should tell. If you don't, he may assume you're experienced and pratically rip you in two when you're not ready for that yet.
But you can always read up on things or watch some things that can help you along in the sexual experience.
For someone who never did it before, apparently, I'm damn good at giving blowjobs according to him. And all I did was learn by reading some techniques and watching some porn.
So, even if you are a virgin, you can still educate yourself in ways and rock his world a little.
Hi, well I am Fenixs girl, I have a few things to say to you.
I am 20 years old, lost my virginity at 19. Girl even if you feel embarrassed around you're friends for being a virgin at 21 so be it..you should think of your virginity as a rare gift that God has given you to share with someone who will cherish that gift.
I am not saying the guy you might sleep with will not cherish it, But I want you to feel like you're 100% ready to give yourself to someone. You may feel alot of regret after you've jumped in bed ... then if you're not even in a relationship with them you've lost apart of you noone could ever give back to you.
If I could, I would turn back time and save myself for my Husband..I felt so dirty after I slept with my first..I always went through life saying I was going to save myself for my husband..it's all the more special for you and your partner/husband..
OH and another thing, you will be compared to other girls, you don't want to be in that position..you'll just be another girl someone slept with..you will feel degraded and its not fun.
IN all reality A guy wants a girl to be a virgin..She may be unexperienced but who cares, when you find the one you will give yourself to; you'll experience all the more with him..Right?! It will be that more beautiful...(hoping it's your husband)
There are some other things to consider, if you have your menstural cycle each month, then you use a condom it could break and there is the highest risk of getting pregnant...you don't want to face a lifetime of taking care of a baby for a couple moments of bliss..trust me..my brother is struggling for the poor choices he made.. My niece is the best thing thats happened to him, but he threw his youth away at 21. So before you decide that you want to jump in bed with the guy you " feel" for just read this over and continue to ask yourself " is it worth it?" I wish you the best in making your choices in the future.. Take care.
Fenix's girl.
Never be ashamed of the fact you are a virgin. It's nice to actually be different in a good way.
Now, on telling him. Yes! Tell him. Here's a little story for you. My bestest friend did not tell her boyfriend she was a virgin - she was about 25 at the time and was emberassed. They slept together. I have no idea how he could not tell, but he couldn't. Well later in their relationship he asked her to do this or that, she said she didn't know how and told him she was a virgin until him. Well he freaked the hell out! And broke up with her. Broke her heart. I thought it was a horrible thing to break up with her, but he was so upset that she didn't tell him since it was such an important thing.
Fast forward, a year or so later they talked again, they're now married and expecting their first baby! yipeeeeee! But it was tough on her. She should have been honest. He took it for granted that she had been with other men. Tell him! If he can't handle it, it's for the best. If he just wants a hoochee to screw around with it's better you know now!
libertine,
I am a 20 year old male, so I think my opinion might be valuable. In today's age there is a lot of marketing going into sex, so I would like to give you kudos of lasting till 21, it takes a very strong woman to do so. (not saying women who have sex aren't strong, just it's hard to shy away from such a pleasureful experience). I know in the same situation, I would enjoy making love to virgin, becuase I know there is a very high chance of no STD (however it's still possible). However, some guys can and will be guys and might make fun of you, or be very rough and really if thats the case you shouldn't waste your time with him. A real man will listen and be gentle or rough depending on what you want. Never be ashamed of what you are, I used to be, but my newest girl, has taught me so many things about enjoying all that I am, not being afraid of what i am or what im not.
So in closing, hopefully I have helped you, but if the guy does act like a dick or doesn't be smooth and gentle with you, then you shouldn't really give him the benefit of being your first. You haven't had sex for 21 years, so you are patient enough to make sure you find the right man to be your first.
My advice: be yourself, don't be afraid to be what you are.
Hope it helps,
Fenix