So I'm 23, I've been married for 4 years, I have 3 beautiful babies with my wonderful husband. I Very much enjoy sex, however I have Never had an orgasm, I have a problem pleasing myself, even if I'm by myself I feel very self conscious. It might have to do with the fact that I was raised Very catholic, and that's not so much considered ok to do... But really I want to know if there's anything I can do, everyone that I've talked to about it, or looked up on internet says that I need to relax, but I get so worked up that I Really can't relax. My husband says that he knows it's not him, because I've never been able to have one, with anyone I've been with, but I also think it upsets him to some degree... I also have really bad self-esteem issues, and I don't think that I'm pretty or attractive, and I don't really understand why my husband is attracted to me, but whatever.... SO basically, what can I do to achieve and orgasm, be more comfortable during sex, and be comfortable with myself? Any ideas would be very helpful... Thank you
Wed, 12/15/2010 - 20:00
#1
Being Comfortable with myself
bubbles,i'm 44 and i've only just recently learned how to masturbate properly.I had self esteem issues too,and an abusive husband who treated me like a sex object,not a wife.Please refer to the SI101 index,there are lots of helpful articles and tips on female masturbation and other useful topics.These helped me,i hope they will be of benefit to you too.
Also, I've tried using a vibrator, and although I'm not real comfortable, I have tried giving myself an orgasm, but I can't seem to get there...
Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating.
I recommend reading the articles listed in the Index, found at the top of the main screen. There are a couple of articles that discuss your situation and how to solve it.
Boys pretty much connect the proverbial dots {nerves in the skin with the pleasure center in the brain along the autonomic nervous system) right out of puberty; not so girls, who learn to masturbate much later, if at all.
We do not give orgasms away, each person is responsible for his/her own. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve them. For women, this requires that they make the transition into an orgasmic entity. This requires a conscious and deliberate effort. You can employ the exercise described in one of the articles, then, once you can masturbate and regularly and consistently climax with your own fingers, you can how your man how to mimic your technique. This requires communication and feedback. Keep in mind that making love is a partnership, this is not something we do to each other; rather, it is something we do with and for each other.
Please set some time aside when you can work on yourself without distraction and learn what to do and how. Once you succeed work as a team.