yea when the thrusting is fast and rough it just feels like im being jabbed in the bladder...lol. i like a more sensual rhythmic grind that way my clit gets more stimulation
Having lived a bd/sm lifestyle for nearly 10 years now, i must point out that there is a HUGE difference between "rough sex" and bd/sm.
Rough sex, spanking, lite bondage, toys, etc is just another form of sexual expression. It is NOT reflective of those of us who live bd/sm as a part of their daily life.
If you would like me to go on, I will, but I will defer to the moderator before doing so!
I agree, you have to be in the mood. When my husband and I are the mood rough is good. Pull my hair, scratch my back, call me a whore, lol. Just make sure you are both in the mood.
Oh my god yes. The vast majority of the population view any kind of hitting, striking or otherwise inflicting pain as tatamount to abuse.
They key to any kind of kinky play (like forcing your gf to do bi sex) is CONSENT.
You have to be 100% SURE that he/she will consent to try things he/she might otherwise not be willing to do - because they trust you. Or, because they know without the "force" they might never acutally do it.
So, again, the key is communication. Talk and listen to your partner about fantasies. That's usually the first hint of where he/she is coming from.
Thanks a lot for the insightful reply! I'd love to chat with you, on a variety of topics. I'll send you my Yahoo details. You didn't actually address the issue directly, but you supplied a lot of peripheral information that indirectly addressed it. I guess I was worried that a lot of guys had fetish for restraint that their girls simply didn't want to do.
Let's say a guy wants his fiercely hetero girl to go with another woman. Not an uncommon fantasy. Or, let's say a guy wants a normally sub girl to hit him. Again, it might be difficult, but I'm sure most women would fulfil an innocent fantasy.
But I always imagined guys WANTING to restrain, or hit women wasn't quite so innocent. I always imagined it was symptomatic of a more ominous subconcious desire to subjugate her in all areas of waking life. I suppose my late 20thc societal programming has indoctrinated me with the rigid misbelief that any guy who gets off hitting a woman is some kind of psycopath serial killer-in waiting.
Until recently, I had no idea it was as widespread and as innocent a fetish as WANTING to be restrained, or beaten. Just thought I'd mention it, I wonder if you've come across the same knee-jerk prejudice.
I know EXACLY how u feel! Trust me, its not always easy to take on a DOM role in bed or fantasy play if it's something new to you.
When i first got into bd/sm...i was learning how to flogg. That is using a whip-like instrument with 20-30 strips of thick leather to hit the back of my partner. I knew it would hurt him, he knew it would hurt him...but we'd seen others do it and received instruction on how to do it safely......but it was still the issue of takin that first swing - i would ask myself..how could i knowingly inflict any kind of pain (or in your case, restraint) on a person i cared for.
Bottom line? Just go for it. There are many books you can read on this, and i can email u a list of them if you would like. You CAN enjoy kinky sex safely...just have to take it one step at a time.
Also, let me share this with you. Communication is one of the most crucial parts in any relationship. When a couple both agree to participate in kink, the level of verbal and non-verbal communication is 10 times more important. Watching her body, seeing how it reacts to whatever you are doing, hearing the diffrence in how she moans from when you do one thing, versus another. It's incredibly powerful..and really helps the overall relationship.
Now, remember, a woman who's in a "sub" role or headspace is willingly giving herself to you. So, it'snot YOU taking her sexual freedom..she's handing it to you!
To help you take some first steps, you might want to move the kink play out of the bedroom. I know at first i had a tough time doing kinky stuff in the same bed where we always "made love." It was a visual thing that just dind't jive with me at first.
So, many times, we played in a differnt room. From the garage, to a spare bedroom to a tree outside our home....you need to be creative to help set the mood for u both.
It's not so much that a woman wants to be "forced" ..its more of her giving herself to you to take what you want!
Being submissive can take on many forms. Talk to her about some of her inner most thoughts and fantasies. Maybe she would like to be dressed a certain way ..if so, go with her to buy the clothing..that will help it be a couple thing. Maybe you can go to an adult bookstore and buy a leather collar and leash.....that is a good way to get her into a submood and yet not relly incur alot of restraint.
I have ALOT of ideas on the matter..if you want....feel free to send me an instant message here. Or, maybe i can talk to u online on a chat program! Let me know! I'll help however i can!
[QUOTE=Quote (Rawbob @ Sep. 22 2004,13:37)]Being a 10+ year practitioner of BD/SM/DS/MS/LEATHER ...please do NOT stereotype "rough sex" with the acronyms above.
There are MANY books you can reference on the subject, including one of my favorite books to newbies "SM101".
other books to check out include:
Beneath the Skins: The New Spirit and Politics of the Kink Community
Come Hither : A Commonsense Guide To Kinky Sex
When Someone You Love Is Kinky
Please know that there IS a fine line between kinky sex, and the kink lifestyle!
Each can be exciting, erotic and rewarding when dealt with upfront and honestly! It's a great journey to take togeather. Explore and deepen your relationship thru candid converstation.....not just assumptions![/QUOTE]
Bob,
I wonder if you could let me have your thoughts on guys who like their girls to play the sub, without those same guys themselves necessarily getting off on being doms (sorry for the clumsy phrasing, I'm in new waters here!)
To explain, I've never felt comfortable with the idea of taking away a girlfriend's freedom of sexual expression. In fact, it seems counter-productive to chain her hands to the headboard when they could be producing near-electric thrills up and down my back. Gag her? I WANT to hear her screams (genuine, that is!!). A girls actions turn me on. Sometimes, anyway. Inaction never does - although I do have a particular fantasy where she lies there impassively, but that's another story.
I DO appreciate that it's a matter of personal taste, first and foremost; and that secondly, many women WANT to be treated as subs. Again, I've got no issue with what women in other couplings want. I would have no problem tying up a girlfriend if the drive for that emanated from her. I aims to please, just so long as I don't end up cuffing/gagging her EVERY time. Nor do I have a problem with being forceful; many a time I've flipped her over, or thrown her on the bed, and growled, "You're mine!". And each time, she LOVED it.
I just find the idea of the drive for the woman to be tied up, coming from the MAN, to be somewhat creepy. I mean no offence, and I'm sure lesser minds would be tempted to say, "Well, if you don't like it, don't do it!". But I see you're above that; I'd be grateful if you could oblige me with some insight here. I'm simply trying to understand something I have pondered for a long time.
Being a 10+ year practitioner of BD/SM/DS/MS/LEATHER ...please do NOT stereotype "rough sex" with the acronyms above.
There are MANY books you can reference on the subject, including one of my favorite books to newbies "SM101".
other books to check out include:
Beneath the Skins: The New Spirit and Politics of the Kink Community
Come Hither : A Commonsense Guide To Kinky Sex
When Someone You Love Is Kinky
Please know that there IS a fine line between kinky sex, and the kink lifestyle!
Each can be exciting, erotic and rewarding when dealt with upfront and honestly! It's a great journey to take togeather. Explore and deepen your relationship thru candid converstation.....not just assumptions!
can any of you tell me other then just being thrown around, what other ideas do you have for bdsm... tied up, smacked on the arse, candle wax... what other ideas do any of you have?
Stephanie, do you ever find yourself fantasizing this type of play? Do you ever read paperbacks with explicit descriptions
of this kind of sex? or would you even like to? I know of a few
online sites where you can visit to read such and discuss your intrigue. They are places for writers...many of whom are women who share your interest.
[QUOTE=Quote (eDJ @ Aug. 31 2004,21:44)]You're probably right Ringo, I'm not a "real Dom" by any stretch. eDJ[/QUOTE]
Nor me, although I've incorporated parts of the lifestyle with some partners. (see also This link)
If both of you want to treat AND be treated rough, ain't nothing better if you ask me.
I love it when she slaps me HARD on the buttocks, repeatedly, or beats her fists on my chest. Shame, the last one was a big strapping lass, but EVER so passive. She was shocked when I asked her, and I had to guide her hand for the first few hits.
I like it when a girl hits you of her own accord, utterly unprompted, in or out of the bed. It's one sign that she truly trusts you, you who are so much stronger than she. For her to risk that must mean you've won her intimacy.
I duno, i like nibbling.. almost biteing, but not hard... just enough to feel... and its like.. you press down with your teeth, into the skin, but.. your not acctually clenching.. its weird.. lol but i love it.. it just gives pressure.. hmm, no spanking here, that to me is too 'weird', umm i likeeeee just basically saayin things like.. "you like that" and then getting alittle rougher with sex... but not hard core.. just alittle rough....
MMMMM... Love the rough stuff. I like my man to 'take control'. . Pulling my hair, holding me down, spanking, the harder the better... There's been several occasions that after we've been together I hurt for a week after just to walk around, and can't have sex again for longer than that. Don't get me wrong I love it when we're all huggy and such too, but even when we try to be soft and sweet we get carried away and get rough again..
The BDSM as I understood it was, Bondage, Discipline, Sadism,
Masochism.
I once had a website virtual community which was for girls to learn bondage and discipline with lite S&M. It was all for fantasy. The theme was a large stone house academy called "The Stone Castle Estate".
I was creating it for a girlfriend who was quite into it, while I was learning web design. It was a very interesting time, and the links page was growing into a portal.
I've found the expression that the most erotic part of the body is the mind to be true. The power of suggestion prior to the rougher or more assertive sex goes a long ways to make a little physical stimulation seem rough.
We had many members and I had chat with each of them. Many of the girls had rape fantasies, or claimed to have been sexually obused as their introduction to sex. All were comfortable with their sexuality.
The guys who visited on "visitation nights" to cyber sex could listen to the girls fantasy poems etc, chat in the chat room, post on the message board or use an IM to cyber date across the web thru the links on the links page.
Most of these females insisted they wanted to be treated rough and forcefull(within limits....having a respect zone to be observed). I was the Dean of the school and a fellow I found in another website "Tickle Teaser" became the Dean of admissions.(as he had many contacts with those who would
enjoy such a place).
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;278053]There have been many many threads on this topic.
Please, please, please - go LOOK THE TOPIC UP BEFORE POSTING AGAIN, dammit.
Rough Sex and/or Bondage, Dom/Sub, S&M are great, though the more extreme things aren't something you want to attempt with someone you just met. Leave the "kinky" stuff for when you're with someone you trust. Or else you could end up explaining to the Doctor in the ER that you dislocated your shoulder because he/she didn't know how tight to hogtie you.
Welcome to the Board Giavania,
How do you feel about it?
It helps to get a discussion going if you have some context within which we could discuss this.
I've always liked it rough.
I don't realy like it
. Maybe a soft spanking while doing it doggy style but that's all.
yea when the thrusting is fast and rough it just feels like im being jabbed in the bladder...lol. i like a more sensual rhythmic grind that way my clit gets more stimulation
Whatever get y'all off
i duno....id rather hurt myself 10000000 times instead of hurting my g/f once
i like it a little bit rough but only in movements,not these SM things
I used to like handcuffs now I hate them. I like when my man gently holds down my hands and thrusts hard.
Having lived a bd/sm lifestyle for nearly 10 years now, i must point out that there is a HUGE difference between "rough sex" and bd/sm.
Rough sex, spanking, lite bondage, toys, etc is just another form of sexual expression. It is NOT reflective of those of us who live bd/sm as a part of their daily life.
If you would like me to go on, I will, but I will defer to the moderator before doing so!
Bob
It is a turn on but i would only do it sometimes.
I agree, you have to be in the mood. When my husband and I are the mood rough is good. Pull my hair, scratch my back, call me a whore, lol. Just make sure you are both in the mood.
I must admit, I'm a bit of a masochist, so the scratching of the back, the biting of the shoulders and chest... I love it.
Oh my god yes. The vast majority of the population view any kind of hitting, striking or otherwise inflicting pain as tatamount to abuse.
They key to any kind of kinky play (like forcing your gf to do bi sex) is CONSENT.
You have to be 100% SURE that he/she will consent to try things he/she might otherwise not be willing to do - because they trust you. Or, because they know without the "force" they might never acutally do it.
So, again, the key is communication. Talk and listen to your partner about fantasies. That's usually the first hint of where he/she is coming from.
Bob,
Thanks a lot for the insightful reply! I'd love to chat with you, on a variety of topics. I'll send you my Yahoo details. You didn't actually address the issue directly, but you supplied a lot of peripheral information that indirectly addressed it. I guess I was worried that a lot of guys had fetish for restraint that their girls simply didn't want to do.
Let's say a guy wants his fiercely hetero girl to go with another woman. Not an uncommon fantasy. Or, let's say a guy wants a normally sub girl to hit him. Again, it might be difficult, but I'm sure most women would fulfil an innocent fantasy.
But I always imagined guys WANTING to restrain, or hit women wasn't quite so innocent. I always imagined it was symptomatic of a more ominous subconcious desire to subjugate her in all areas of waking life. I suppose my late 20thc societal programming has indoctrinated me with the rigid misbelief that any guy who gets off hitting a woman is some kind of psycopath serial killer-in waiting.
Until recently, I had no idea it was as widespread and as innocent a fetish as WANTING to be restrained, or beaten. Just thought I'd mention it, I wonder if you've come across the same knee-jerk prejudice.
Jaybee.
Hi Jaybee:
I know EXACLY how u feel! Trust me, its not always easy to take on a DOM role in bed or fantasy play if it's something new to you.
When i first got into bd/sm...i was learning how to flogg. That is using a whip-like instrument with 20-30 strips of thick leather to hit the back of my partner. I knew it would hurt him, he knew it would hurt him...but we'd seen others do it and received instruction on how to do it safely......but it was still the issue of takin that first swing - i would ask myself..how could i knowingly inflict any kind of pain (or in your case, restraint) on a person i cared for.
Bottom line? Just go for it. There are many books you can read on this, and i can email u a list of them if you would like. You CAN enjoy kinky sex safely...just have to take it one step at a time.
Also, let me share this with you. Communication is one of the most crucial parts in any relationship. When a couple both agree to participate in kink, the level of verbal and non-verbal communication is 10 times more important. Watching her body, seeing how it reacts to whatever you are doing, hearing the diffrence in how she moans from when you do one thing, versus another. It's incredibly powerful..and really helps the overall relationship.
Now, remember, a woman who's in a "sub" role or headspace is willingly giving herself to you. So, it'snot YOU taking her sexual freedom..she's handing it to you!
To help you take some first steps, you might want to move the kink play out of the bedroom. I know at first i had a tough time doing kinky stuff in the same bed where we always "made love." It was a visual thing that just dind't jive with me at first.
So, many times, we played in a differnt room. From the garage, to a spare bedroom to a tree outside our home....you need to be creative to help set the mood for u both.
It's not so much that a woman wants to be "forced" ..its more of her giving herself to you to take what you want!
Being submissive can take on many forms. Talk to her about some of her inner most thoughts and fantasies. Maybe she would like to be dressed a certain way ..if so, go with her to buy the clothing..that will help it be a couple thing. Maybe you can go to an adult bookstore and buy a leather collar and leash.....that is a good way to get her into a submood and yet not relly incur alot of restraint.
I have ALOT of ideas on the matter..if you want....feel free to send me an instant message here. Or, maybe i can talk to u online on a chat program! Let me know! I'll help however i can!
[QUOTE=Quote (Rawbob @ Sep. 22 2004,13:37)]Being a 10+ year practitioner of BD/SM/DS/MS/LEATHER ...please do NOT stereotype "rough sex" with the acronyms above.
There are MANY books you can reference on the subject, including one of my favorite books to newbies "SM101".
other books to check out include:
Beneath the Skins: The New Spirit and Politics of the Kink Community
Come Hither : A Commonsense Guide To Kinky Sex
When Someone You Love Is Kinky
Please know that there IS a fine line between kinky sex, and the kink lifestyle!
Each can be exciting, erotic and rewarding when dealt with upfront and honestly! It's a great journey to take togeather. Explore and deepen your relationship thru candid converstation.....not just assumptions![/QUOTE]
Bob,
I wonder if you could let me have your thoughts on guys who like their girls to play the sub, without those same guys themselves necessarily getting off on being doms (sorry for the clumsy phrasing, I'm in new waters here!)
To explain, I've never felt comfortable with the idea of taking away a girlfriend's freedom of sexual expression. In fact, it seems counter-productive to chain her hands to the headboard when they could be producing near-electric thrills up and down my back. Gag her? I WANT to hear her screams (genuine, that is!!). A girls actions turn me on. Sometimes, anyway. Inaction never does - although I do have a particular fantasy where she lies there impassively, but that's another story.
I DO appreciate that it's a matter of personal taste, first and foremost; and that secondly, many women WANT to be treated as subs. Again, I've got no issue with what women in other couplings want. I would have no problem tying up a girlfriend if the drive for that emanated from her. I aims to please, just so long as I don't end up cuffing/gagging her EVERY time. Nor do I have a problem with being forceful; many a time I've flipped her over, or thrown her on the bed, and growled, "You're mine!". And each time, she LOVED it.
I just find the idea of the drive for the woman to be tied up, coming from the MAN, to be somewhat creepy. I mean no offence, and I'm sure lesser minds would be tempted to say, "Well, if you don't like it, don't do it!". But I see you're above that; I'd be grateful if you could oblige me with some insight here. I'm simply trying to understand something I have pondered for a long time.
Thanks in advance,
Jaybee.
Being a 10+ year practitioner of BD/SM/DS/MS/LEATHER ...please do NOT stereotype "rough sex" with the acronyms above.
There are MANY books you can reference on the subject, including one of my favorite books to newbies "SM101".
other books to check out include:
Beneath the Skins: The New Spirit and Politics of the Kink Community
Come Hither : A Commonsense Guide To Kinky Sex
When Someone You Love Is Kinky
Please know that there IS a fine line between kinky sex, and the kink lifestyle!
Each can be exciting, erotic and rewarding when dealt with upfront and honestly! It's a great journey to take togeather. Explore and deepen your relationship thru candid converstation.....not just assumptions!
can any of you tell me other then just being thrown around, what other ideas do you have for bdsm... tied up, smacked on the arse, candle wax... what other ideas do any of you have?
that site was interesting, but i like it rough but i dont like the ducttape but i do like being thrown on the bed but thanks for the info
Stephanie, do you ever find yourself fantasizing this type of play? Do you ever read paperbacks with explicit descriptions
of this kind of sex? or would you even like to? I know of a few
online sites where you can visit to read such and discuss your intrigue. They are places for writers...many of whom are women who share your interest.
I and some friends used to visit this(some is still free)
Lorielei's Force Fantasies
eDJ
i love it rough, i like it when my head bangs against the walls and i get smacked i love sex rough
[QUOTE=Quote (eDJ @ Aug. 31 2004,21:44)]You're probably right Ringo, I'm not a "real Dom" by any stretch. eDJ[/QUOTE]
Nor me, although I've incorporated parts of the lifestyle with some partners. (see also This link)
For the record, http://www.unrealities.com/adult/ssbb/a.htm seems to indicate that it can actually be a whole host of things.
Cheers,
Ringo
You're probably right Ringo, I'm not a "real Dom" by any stretch. eDJ
[QUOTE=Quote (eDJ @ Aug. 28 2004,23:49)]The BDSM as I understood it was, Bondage, Discipline, Sadism,
Masochism.[/QUOTE]
D is for Domination usually.
Cheers,
Ringo
If both of you want to treat AND be treated rough, ain't nothing better if you ask me.
I love it when she slaps me HARD on the buttocks, repeatedly, or beats her fists on my chest. Shame, the last one was a big strapping lass, but EVER so passive. She was shocked when I asked her, and I had to guide her hand for the first few hits.
I like it when a girl hits you of her own accord, utterly unprompted, in or out of the bed. It's one sign that she truly trusts you, you who are so much stronger than she. For her to risk that must mean you've won her intimacy.
JayBee.
Yea could you tell me what BDSM stand for and by the way Bob, i was really interested in knowing what more there could be....so please continue
Hey guys, i sound a bit stupid here, but what exactly does BDSM stand for? I'm an Aussie gal and no1 here i've spoken to knows what it means!
I duno, i like nibbling.. almost biteing, but not hard... just enough to feel... and its like.. you press down with your teeth, into the skin, but.. your not acctually clenching.. its weird.. lol but i love it.. it just gives pressure.. hmm, no spanking here, that to me is too 'weird', umm i likeeeee just basically saayin things like.. "you like that" and then getting alittle rougher with sex... but not hard core.. just alittle rough....
jamie
MMMMM... Love the rough stuff. I like my man to 'take control'. . Pulling my hair, holding me down, spanking, the harder the better... There's been several occasions that after we've been together I hurt for a week after just to walk around, and can't have sex again for longer than that. Don't get me wrong I love it when we're all huggy and such too, but even when we try to be soft and sweet we get carried away and get rough again..
The BDSM as I understood it was, Bondage, Discipline, Sadism,
Masochism.
I once had a website virtual community which was for girls to learn bondage and discipline with lite S&M. It was all for fantasy. The theme was a large stone house academy called "The Stone Castle Estate".
I was creating it for a girlfriend who was quite into it, while I was learning web design. It was a very interesting time, and the links page was growing into a portal.
I've found the expression that the most erotic part of the body is the mind to be true. The power of suggestion prior to the rougher or more assertive sex goes a long ways to make a little physical stimulation seem rough.
We had many members and I had chat with each of them. Many of the girls had rape fantasies, or claimed to have been sexually obused as their introduction to sex. All were comfortable with their sexuality.
The guys who visited on "visitation nights" to cyber sex could listen to the girls fantasy poems etc, chat in the chat room, post on the message board or use an IM to cyber date across the web thru the links on the links page.
Most of these females insisted they wanted to be treated rough and forcefull(within limits....having a respect zone to be observed). I was the Dean of the school and a fellow I found in another website "Tickle Teaser" became the Dean of admissions.(as he had many contacts with those who would
enjoy such a place).
eDJ
As a male I've recently been interested in spicing things up starting with me going from "top" to "bottom". Then add bondage and go from there.
:)
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;278092]yes well look at the dates on the thread - 2004 ?!?![/QUOTE]
Sorry I didn't see the original date, I saw the 6months ago date.
yes well look at the dates on the thread - 2004 ?!?!
There have been many many threads on this topic.
Please, please, please - go LOOK THE TOPIC UP BEFORE POSTING AGAIN, dammit.
Thank you.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;278053]There have been many many threads on this topic.
Please, please, please - go LOOK THE TOPIC UP BEFORE POSTING AGAIN, dammit.
Thank you.[/QUOTE]
Were you talking to us?
Rough Sex and/or Bondage, Dom/Sub, S&M are great, though the more extreme things aren't something you want to attempt with someone you just met. Leave the "kinky" stuff for when you're with someone you trust. Or else you could end up explaining to the Doctor in the ER that you dislocated your shoulder because he/she didn't know how tight to hogtie you.