I have been dating online and many women I have come across tell me they have been victims of abuse one way or another.
I have no way of verifying this although I suspect is part of a strategy play more than factual since many whom I spoke to are not even married or they so dumb that they just choose the wrong type of guy more often than not.
So what is it in their selection criteria to pick the wrong person all the time?
Mon, 08/27/2012 - 22:27
#1
battered woman syndrome?
Fact: About one woman in five has been a victim of physical abuse at some point. Women leaving abusive relationships more often than other women enter into another relationship that becomes abusive.
Opinion: A disproportionate number of women leaving abusive relationships have no idea how to go about vetting the field and use the internet as a way to "have a relationship" at low risk.
I do not know but it seems that some personality types (if there is such a thing) are attracted to males with a violent predilection.
Thanks Brandye I did not know that many people would urn abusive and you may be right of those in internet chose deliberately to be in internet because of perceived low risk.
In fact I was asking a young woman a few weeks ago if she had a list of red flags. Why would she get it wrong time and time again. She said that I was right in my assumption but she felt attracted to the wrong sort of partner by her own choice so she thought time would be essential to be comfortable with me. I then decided Iwas spending toomuch time wriing long sentences and return for one liners so I call it the quits. So much for low risk assessment.
Part of being abused is buying into your abuser's view of you - as something to be used - hence low self-esteem and the comfort of staying with what you know - abuse. They become twisted, lose hope, and begin to think "maybe my abuser is right". This is why I tell women to stop being "nice", don't bother saying "goodbye" and just leave such abusers flat. But I'm one who hasn't been abused and only once have I been sexually harassed - guy smacked my ass at work. The next instant my hands were around his throat. "DO that again and I won't stop." Then I called up his superviser and laid into the superviser verbally. Having made my position on the subject clear, no further incidents ever occured.
A lot of us are subject to some kind of abuse.
I don't think it's necessarily that women are attracted to violent men, and while some are just idiots who don't learn, most of them are not in that situation out of stupidity. As EEK says, an abused person beleives of themselves what they are taught to by their abuser. I know a young woman who seeks out vile men, and when questioned she will acknowledge that she doesn't really like them but she does not believe that she can do any better. She thinks she must cling to bad men because good men won't have her. It's very sad because this self perception her abusers have taught her DOES sabotage her chances with better men, and thus it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
That's a tough cycle to break. Women in her situation will need several years away from abuse and in serious therapy. So for that reason I'd suggest you be wary. They're almost certainly not lying, and t's not necessarily a deal breaker but you probably don't want to be the rebound guy for someone only just out of an abusive relationship.
Hmm Thank you both some enlightening thoughts. That brings about the subject of S&M, Bondage requests and also some women often refer to weirdos online. S&M Sado-Masochism I have never experienced nor would want to perform such discipline I think it is demeaning to the other person.
But online weirdo I am lost. How can a woman differentiate between a good guy and a deranged one when she never met the guy?
But there are clues that can signal possible trouble. 1. if all he does is make demands for example he wants a "feminine" woman - tends to indicate a man who may have a skewed idea of what "feminine" actually is. 2. if all he does is complain about his ex's - bad news right out of the gate. 3. if there are discrepancies between what he says about himself in part A and part B, also a bad sign.
The same can be said about women and their profiles online.
Good points there EEK
I have burned few bridges but hopefully left behind. But I do like feminine by that I mean graceful, delicate and playful personality as my wife was.
Sometimes I can't resist making parallel comparisons and I get flagged for that LOL!
when your idea of feminine is incompatible with what her idea of feminine is. I tend to find men far more 'delicate' than women - mainly because most women cannot afford the luxury of being delicate.
I know a few delicate women... not the best prospects, imho. What does delicate mean except easy to break?
I agree with EEk that I would take a request for a "feminine" woman to be a red flag if I saw it on a dating profile. What you describe is a gender stereotype that enforces harmful roles and tends worryingly towards being submissive and decorative.
If you want to list that you're looking for someone "graceful and playful" then I would list those seperately from "feminine" because as EEk says, people don't necessarily agree on that definition of feminine and it may reflect badly on you.
was, perhaps still is, Mrs. Emma Peel as played by Diana Rigg in the 1960's spy spoof The Avengers.
She too is a brunette.