I am very much in love with my man. He had surgery that caused neurological damage, which in turn has caused ED. He can get hard but cannot stay hard long enough for intercourse. I understand but would like to be able to help. Medications are not an option. Cock rings seem to help a little as does oral sex but it takes so long, I'm completely spent.
He is awesome and pleases me immensely but I would like to please him as well. He gets really bummed if he can't maintain for intercourse so I'm open to any and all ideas. Other than that, our sex life is fabulous.
Thanks
Well, what a revoltin' development this is, to quote a line from an old '50s TV show.
Unless Brandye can add some real insightful information my input for you is this: As you probably know, an erection is not necessary for him to have a climax. It's just nicer if he can maintain the erection. If the ring helps, then use it; however, there have been some cautionary warnings about them in the past on the Board. Here are two of her cautionary warnings:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/sex_toys_and_products/16952-cock_ring.ht...
and
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/other_sex_topics/16670-keeping_up.html?h...
> I would like to please him as well. He gets really bummed if he can't maintain for intercourse so I'm open to any and all ideas.
If one of the ED drugs are unable to be used, then you may have to be content with oral and manual stimulation (the dynamic duo as I call them when used in tandom).
The key for this to work is to learn to mimic the way he masturbates. For more on this please read my Sticky post: "How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?" at the head of the NEW TO SEX forum.
Just out of curiosity, how long does he usually remain hard once he does achieve an erection? Are you incorporating any ongoing caresses in order to maintain and prolong his erections?
If he is loosing "it" during intercourse, can the erection be re-established with additional foreplay? Regardless, my recommendation is to try waiting to begin intercourse until he is on the raw edge of loosing control, yet not so close to the trigger point that he'll coast beyond the point of no return from simply moving into position. In other words, he should already be "ripe and ready" and should not be spending lots of time stroking in order to build his arousal.
Stroking maintains an already high state of arousal and thrusting peaks it. If he is attempting to use lots and lots and lots of stroking to build to a peak then he and you are going about this backwards. Even if he is not, see if waiting until he is on the verge of a climax improves his ability to achieve an orgasm.
If either of you have additional information to contribute, please send it along. I hope this is of help.
Why are the ED medications NOT an option???
Weren't they made for this situation?
They are not recommended if a man is taking certain other medications.
Incidentally, I sometimes use a cock ring and find it helps, but I'm very careful about it. I've tried several, but the only one I'm comfortable with is made of soft jelly material. It provides just enough constriction to enhance my erection, but not so much that it causes blood flow problems. In fact, I can even go soft while wearing it. Being made of soft jelly, I can easily remove it at any time in an instant, and I never keep it on for extended periods of time.
I'm not sure if a cock ring would help in this case though.
He can't maintain an erection in the time it takes me from me giving him oral and hand manipulation to moving on top; gone in seconds. His doctor told him that it's permanent damage and ED drugs would be of no use. He can't feel anything until the very last second befor ejaculation but he can feel that.
Forgive me, but doesn't neurological indicate nerves and not blood flow? Erections are a matter not only of feeling and desire but also about blood flow.
Hmmm.
He had back surgery and nerves were cut and can't be restored; that's what I know and I'm just trying to find a way to make it better for him; it's quite the opposite of what we had before his surgery.
Once a nerve has been cut, it is gone. Very rarely do they "heal." Your doctor has given you the information. Among the "handicapped," sex can still be very enjoyable and pleasing. Just watching you please him is probably very satisfying to him.
It is possible that a cock ring would give some help (and I am the one here who is always railing against those things). He should check with a urologist. If the erection can be captured, it may buy you the time to switch from one end to the other (of you). There is rougher stimulation by manual and oral means than in the vagina. That is the reason some men lose their erections just after the switch. - it seems less stimulating (I say not having a penis).
You can be quite certain that he is being adequately served. I would question whether you will be satisfied over the longer term. It may be a good idea for the two of you to talk this out with assistance. Sex therapists can usually be recommended by urologists or gynaecologists. Some family doctors may also have references.
Although he can't satisfy me with his penis, he gives great head and I have a fabulous vibrator that he is very adept with. I just feel bad because he loves intercourse with me so much; I thought there was something I could try. A pump did nothing but he really seems to enjoy when I deep throat him.
Thanks for all the help; I'll keep you posted.