I personally feel that I've lost my drive to have sex. I masterbate, but that's more along the lines of releasing stress and to lessen the chances of wet dreams. I simply find no interest in sex. I understand it's important for the relationship but, I don't have any sort of compulsion for it. When I was in a relationship where we had sex, it simply didn't interest me to achieve orgasm. I was far more interested in my partner's responses. In fact, towards the end, I simply told her not to even give me any blowjobs or handjobs, while I continued to give her oral, and a number of times, I simply gave her oral and was not in the least interested in having 'intercourse' at all.
And now that I don't have a girlfriend, I find a disdain about even entering a sexual relationship. I'm simply not motivated to going out to find a person to have sex with, and I'm not the type that would pick some one up at the bar and have a one-night stand. Heck I've even been propositioned by people, and my answer is always 'no, thank you'. Not because I didn't like the person or because I wasn't attracted, but rather simply because...it didn't interest me.
I'm nearly twenty-three and sexually I feel like I'm ninety-three, and even then I probably know a couple of ninety-three year olds that are more sexually motivated than I am.
It kind of worries me, because I question my ability to have any kind of emotionally binding relationship with a woman if I'm truly disinterested in sex. I did take anti-depressants for a while, but I ceased taking them a year ago. So I doubt they're the current cause.
I recently have kind of become attached to this woman, emotionally anyways, and part of me wants to turn this into more than a friendship, but I simply can't seem to get interested in the more physical things. I'm already aware that it's probably too late and that I'm firmly locked in what is often termed 'the friend zone'.
I guess I wonder how long woman usually wait/remain interested in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship before they get impatient sexually?
The only reason I'm even considering it is, that I would be willing to have sex if it meant that she would stay with me. I guess that sounds like a selfish motivation or a selfish action. It's just I really like her...and I want her to stay with me.
I'm sure dancingdoc will have some good advice for you on this one. But from what i've heard a huge number of things can influence your sex drive going from diet to stress. Sometimes simply cutting back on fatty junkfoods can increase your sex drive.
Hi...I read what you wrote, when you were put on anti-depressants did you have any similar difficulties; ie: no libido? Perhaps, it's depression setting in again? Since I do not know you it makes it difficult, but you are 23 and have no libido which is not normal especially if it was much higher in previous years (I assume it was). Try going and talking to your MD, maybe he needs to check for a physical condition first.
As far as women, it varies how long we stay in a relationship w/out a sexual aspect. When I was younger I waited longer before getting involved w/someone who I had an emotional connection to. Now, at this time in my life I give it about 2 weeks, either I feel as the relationship is going somewhere or it's not. If I see there is potential, I test the water as far a sex to see if there is compatability.
Honestly, it depends on the individual, many people post they have been together 3-4 months, other's 8 months and they are just exploring sex together. But help yourself out first and get an appointment to see what's happening.
[QUOTE=sera300;164979]Hi...I read what you wrote, when you were put on anti-depressants did you have any similar difficulties; ie: no libido? Perhaps, it's depression setting in again? Since I do not know you it makes it difficult, but you are 23 and have no libido which is not normal especially if it was much higher in previous years (I assume it was). Try going and talking to your MD, maybe he needs to check for a physical condition first.
As far as women, it varies how long we stay in a relationship w/out a sexual aspect. When I was younger I waited longer before getting involved w/someone who I had an emotional connection to. Now, at this time in my life I give it about 2 weeks, either I feel as the relationship is going somewhere or it's not. If I see there is potential, I test the water as far a sex to see if there is compatability.
Honestly, it depends on the individual, many people post they have been together 3-4 months, other's 8 months and they are just exploring sex together. But help yourself out first and get an appointment to see what's happening.[/QUOTE]
It's hard to say if anti-depressants had any side effects. I really didn't have much of a sex drive ever. I simply did it with my last relationship because I was curious. It was ok, but I wasn't overly excited. It simply was something to do. It just came off as such a chore, either I desired it and didn't want to bother her about it, or she felt frisky and I felt off about it.
If she wanted to do things for me. It would make me feel uneasy and I'd simply change the subject or tell her no. She'd get annoyed with that, which would make me feel bad, I guess. After sex, I'd always have this nagging bad feeling in the back of my head, like guilt. Eventually I guess it sort of just made my already low, sex drive nearly non-existant.
As to the depression. It never went away, and there is a whole slew of new problems that stretch from the relationship and hidden things underneath, like guilt. The thing is, I don't mind giving, I just simply would never ever wish to recieve, it doesn't interest me, and I always feel uncomfortable about it.
This woman I'm interested isn't a virgin, and quite truthfully I wouldn't want a virgin. I simply lack the drive to want to teach or bring someone into the 'sexual world'.
I know there are people who are asexual and do not wish, want, require, or feel in a sexual way. I honestly do not know much about the group, but I watched it on 20/20 (or similar show). They date among their own, and marry within their group. The mindset is sex is not part of the relationship b/c of no drive.
But what I am picking up from you is you do not seems satisfied w/your lack of libido, and are frustrated when it creates friction in your relationships. Have you spoke with your doctor about this? There are several medical problems which can create similar issues; I believe one is w/the pituitary gland and is detected w/labwork and a MRI.
Seriously, find out if it's medical or if it's just your genetic makeup. You cannot go through your entire life w/this frustration.
You really do need to get with a doctor on this one. You aren't asexual. You might also want to explore why you felt guilty when you had sex.
With me it is sex by the second 'date' or he's gone.