My boyfriend and I have been engaging in sex since September '10, right? I lost my virginity to him. We've always had problems with sex, mostly pain during intercourse and me not getting wet, so we result to using lube. It helps the pain, but my boyfriend has become very insecure; he thinks I'm not turned on by him, which I am, I mean I really am! I just don't understand why I don't get wet. Things between us get hot and heavy, but yet my vag has nothing to show for it, heh. In all seriousness though, I couldn't tell you for the life of me what is wrong with me! Serious answers only please, as I am really concerned and I want to know how to fix this problem.
Tue, 08/02/2011 - 00:52
#1
Arousal problems? please help!
If your not getting wet then you probably aren't taking the time needed to become aroused, ditto with the pain, although if it's persistent you should get checked out by a doc, just to be safe.
Many people here advocate http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/married-long-term-relationships/22724-bo... and http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/married-long-term-relationships/23945-pr..., which I haven't tried myself, but many people swear by.
Good luck.
Some women get dripping wet; some seem do not produce any natural lubrication. There is a reason that "personal lubricants" are such big sellers. If your name indicates behaviour, that could be a problem. Alcohol causes dehydration.
All women should have a complete gyn exam before becoming active. If you have not, it is time and this issue should be discussed with the doctor.
The pain is no longer a problem, I guess I didn't clarify. That was more towards the beginning, but there is absolutely no pain at all whatsoever anymore. I get plenty turned on, we don't even have to engage in foreplay or anything. I don't even like foreplay. Honestly as soon as we start making out it's like, "oh my god, I want to have sex" but I never get wet.
> he thinks I'm not turned on by him, which I am, I mean I really am! I just don't understand why I don't get wet.
> I get plenty turned on, we don't even have to engage in foreplay or anything. I don't even like foreplay. Honestly as soon as we start making out it's like, "oh my god, I want to have sex" but I never get wet.
There is some confusion with terms. There is a difference between being "turned on" by someone, and being aroused emotionally and physically. The difference is not unlike the excitement of handling a gun for the first time and pulling the trigger before aiming.
I am sorry you say you do not like Foreplay; however, this too might be a misunderstanding of the terminology. Please read this article listed in the Index found at the top of the main screen.
FOREPLAY: The Prequel and Sequel
It is important for the two of you to know and understand that men and women are "wired" differently. Men can be UP and ready in a matter of minutes, not so the gentler gender. Women require a lot of fooling around and making out--generally a minimum of half an hour or more with in reason time permitting. It takes this long for most women to become sexually aroused and excited. If the two of you are rushing to the finish line then you are quite literally placing the cart before the horse.
I recommend that the two of you read the articles that discuss making out as well as those that discuss arousal. Discuss what you have read, add the information to what each of you already knows, and then go practice. I believe you will find that understanding the purpose for making out {Necking, Petting, Heavy Petting, all before getting to the Foreplay stage) will change the results for the better.
Also, just like learning to ride a bicycle, it takes lots of practice, nobody does so perfectly in the beginning.
Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating. Please begin by reading every article listed in the Index. Knowledge is empowering, and for the present the two of you require much more information and insight than you now have.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?