hello trusty friends =) i'm having yet anotherrrrrrr problem. lol
my boyfriend really loves to do anal, but i hate and i've told him that. he dosen't like to use a condom for anal either, even though i have told him a billion times that's its safer to use a condom. but hes always hinting and i really really hate doing it. it hurts no matter how often we go at it, and it's a bitch to clean out later on.
any advice on how i can suck it up and let him do it, or does anyone else have a thick headed boyfriend that they've had to pound this point into? lol. =)
thanks guys!!
If you are not enjoying it then just tell him so. If he doesn't want to use a condom then just say no. If he truely cares about you he will accept it.
Courtney:
Never sacrifice your comfort for another in that way. If you ever engage in anal--condoms are a must for your health and his.
It sounds like you've given it more than a fair shot and just don't enjoy it, don't find it pleasurable and don't want to do it again. Then that's that. Any sexual activity has it's fans and people who don't like it and you shouldn't be subjected to something you hate. All sexual relationships worth their salt are give and take - your boyfriend's just going to have to adjust to it. And yeah, condoms are really a must.
Seriously?
Tell him where to get off.. why would anyone put up with that? =/ If you don't wanna do it, don't do it, and if he won't respect that, I very much doubt he's even worth keeping around.
It's one thing to experiment, to try new things such as stimulation of various spots; however, when a partner keeps at something you hate and are firm on--don't be afraid to kick him/her to the curb. Trust me there are plenty of other people out there. What you are willing tolerate is exactly what you will get. You tried it, did not like, he is foolish for skipping condoms, he pressures you...drop him! There are times we may not be specifically fond of a specific act--I don't care much for doggie style but will accommodate a kind partner and enjoy it b/c it's what's turning them on. However, pressure me after I said no? Done & he is history.
We each have our limits and if he does not respect yours,' move one.
The worst cases of urethritis/prostatitis I have treated in men resulted from anal sex without a condom. Performing anal bare is just plain dumb for both parties.
thank you guys so much!
i really should point out that he is not at ALL forceful or controlling, nothing like that. i think i could be a little more assertive when i tell him my opinion, and he gets confused because he believessss i climaxed during anal (shh..) so he thinks i like it. i actually didn't know that condoms for anal was a must until after we had done it, and part of anal's appeal was that he didn't have to wear one. i usually do my research before the fact, so of course the one time i didn't, it became a problem.
i get frustrated but i want to be able to do everything for him, and for the most part i do. he really loves the one thing that i don't want to do anymore and its SO AGGRAVATING. there are tons of other things he loves to do, but i guess since it's been a while for anal it's been particularly on his mind.
part of my frustration is that i want to be able to like it, too. sex is not something that i really hold in high regard, considering i'm included in that large percentage of women that don't get off during sex. this is why i asked if anyone had any ideas of how to get used to anal, etc. though really i just find it kind of gross, and painful. nothing against anyone who likes it!
next time it comes up, i'll lay down the law...strongly. so far it's just been me going "eh, well isnt there something else? it's really not that great". if there is really no way to get used to it, then i'm all for throwing in the towel on this particular sex act.
you guys are awesome =)
Just try with external anal play...many nerve endings and different sensations to be had! Try it while he is performing oral on you, let him just touch the surrounding area. However, do not cross anal to vaginal since you can get a awful infection.
[QUOTE=courtney114;214612]
i get frustrated but i want to be able to do everything for him, and for the most part i do. he really loves the one thing that i don't want to do anymore and its SO AGGRAVATING. there are tons of other things he loves to do, but i guess since it's been a while for anal it's been particularly on his mind.
[/QUOTE]Well, as the Stones song goes "You can't always get what you want . . . " :) It's a frustrating situation for both of you, but not that uncommon. I won't say anal sex is an acquired taste, lots of people who started out not being crazy about it have come to enjoy it a lot. If it's a matter of him refining his technique that's one thing, but if it's just a big turn-off to you on every level it probably won't help if he does. There's tons of info on this forum about different approaches to it, and tons more on the 'net in general. But if you're done with it just put it out to him nicely but forcefully you dislike it a lot and don't want to do it anymore. Then see if you can figure out a good consolation prize. :D
If he wont listen to you toss him although you could always buy a strap on and tell him you want to fulfill a fantasy ;) he might be willing to listen to your choice if you will listen to his :P :D
[quote=DVDBear;214695]Well, as the Stones song goes "You can't always get what you want . . . " :) It's a frustrating situation for both of you, but not that uncommon. I won't say anal sex is an acquired taste, lots of people who started out not being crazy about it have come to enjoy it a lot. If it's a matter of him refining his technique that's one thing, but if it's just a big turn-off to you on every level it probably won't help if he does. There's tons of info on this forum about different approaches to it, and tons more on the 'net in general. But if you're done with it just put it out to him nicely but forcefully you dislike it a lot and don't want to do it anymore. Then see if you can figure out a good consolation prize. :D[/quote] First attempt was young and foolish as was he...swore, never again. Tried again after some "play" and there is something to be said for it! But...no pun intended there, I have to be in the mood for it and 100% comfortable with the man!
I think that's the problem with many people . . . . they have a REALLY BAD first experience and think "enough of that!". Some just don't want to work with it. And I can understand . . . bad technique can be EXTREMELY painful! But once both parties know what they're doing the rewards are many. :)
I remember years ago a doctor gave me a rectal exam. He wasn't aware I was gay. His technique, to put it nicely, SUCKED and he rammed his finger up there in a most unpleasant way. When I made a disapproving grunt he said, "Sorry . . . if you were a fag you'd be enjoying this." This was years ago and needless to say if this happened now I'd give him holy hell for both his roughness and the slur. But it just goes to show even M.D.s can be clueless on what hurts and what doesn't!
Learn to give mind blowing blow jobs and everytime he mentions anal sex give him the best BJ a man could ever dream of.