Hey All
Firstly thanx for reading, I shall try and keep this short.
Me and my Gf are just coming up on our 2 year anniversary but I'm having some issues deciding if we should continue. Our realtionship has been great, we argue very little, have alot in common and are just generally happy to be with each other. The problem I have is that, something has gone, I don't know what exactly it is but all I know is that I'm simply not that excited about seeing her as I once was. I know in all realtionships the spark does fade, but for several months now I've just been feeling that were driffting apart. I know its a stereotypical thing to say but I feel like we are just friends, I'm very comfortable with her and love being with her and we have a great time but there is just something not there in terms of a spark/excitment. The issue I have is that I dont want to split up with her, there is so much about her that I would look for in a long term gf/ wife, but if there is no spark im worried that im living a lie and only just hurting her and myself. I was just wondering what other people thought and if anyone had been in a similar situation, and also if people think its possible for us to remain friends if we do split up?
Cheers people.
[color=blue]the spark doesn't fade in all relationships.......it's up to you and your partner to keep the sparks there......relationships are lot of work and for some, it's more work than others
Are you two always around each other?? I ask this because when you and your gf are around each other all the time, it's not healthy and things will get kinda routine and boring. Or it will lead to more arguments.......You have to give each other some space here and there
before you jump to splitting up, you need to figure out what's missing or what's not missing.....nothing maybe missing at all.......maybe you're just bored of the same old things and you need to change it up a little........live a little and go do something crazy.......well doesn't have to be crazy but do something out of your norm
Anyway, If you are IN LOVE with the person, the spark is always there......you just have to work to keep it there[/color]
There is a difference between friendship and romantic love. There is also a time in which those crazy feel good feelings fade. It can happen after a month, a year, or a decade. There has actually been studies that show those "feel good" feelings actually decrease after a while. There isn't anything wrong with it.
As far as that spark. Yes you must work to keep it going but if you really do feel like its a friendship then perhaps it has evolved into a friendship rather than a bf gf thing. It happens, I've seen it, experienced it, its just life. Perhaps attempt to give the relationship a "kick in the pants" and if it doesn't work then go your seperate ways. Remain friends and be happy. DO NOT try to force it because that will cause a lot of problems.
You two are in transition. You are moving between Romantic Love - that heady feeling aka Infatuation and Attachment - that deep abiding love aka the "real thing".
This is where most relationships fail and they do so because of unresolved doubts and/or suddenly revealed issues.
You have to talk your doubts over with her.
Perhaps your relationship has simply run its course. Perhaps she shares your doubts and worries that the 'spark' has faded. There could be more (or less) to this than you even know. IF some change in your life is coming, you could be transferring your concerns about that to your relationship with her.
The only way to find out is to TALK TO HER.
I disagree that relationship require work. Relationships require paying attention to your partner as well as to yourself. Relationships require having a lively sense of humor and being filled with the joy of life. Relationships require honesty, courage, and comunnication. Relationships change over time and love ebbs and flows like the tides which is something each partner must understand and accept.
All of that, yes; but work, no.
I used the term "work" in the wrong way. I definitely agree with EEK, above, and simply did not expand on the matter like her. I do still insist that a lot of guys consider any of this as "effort" and this translates into "work" as far as they are concerned. "Paying attention seems like "work" to a lot of guys, so what happens is that they check out in front of the 'puter, garage, fishin' hole, or, with buddies, instead of investing in what should be their "better half" of the partnership. Many times once the girl has been wedded and bedded, husbands tend to place her on a pedestal and go on to other pursuits. Fun doesn't always require what they consider as work, especially when you don't have to figure out what is going on in a woman's mind.
Look, as soon as men accept that 'men will never understand women' - they have already set themselves up to FAIL. Dammit, we want the same things you want - only in a different order and in a more subtle way. And if men can understand complex betting computations, batting averages and gear ratios - they certainly have enough brain power to understand "the same things in a different order and in a more subtle way".
Think how you'd see the world if you'd been PREY for two thousand years.
Once you've grasped that, you're halfway to full understanding.
[color=blue]EEK had the right terminology "effort".....i just say work, but i mean the same.....work=effort[/color]
Yes you need to talk to your girlfriend,she is not a mindreader and won't know how you feel until you discuss your relationship issues with her.It doesn't mean that it's over between you two,but if it is then the relationship has run its course and you need to go your separate ways.Try some new things to spice it up a bit,and keep the fires burning.These things don't have to cost money,just a romantic walk on the beach,a nice bottle of wine and a dvd to watch together.Use your imagination and inventiveness to woo your girlfriend all over again.
Thanks for the comments guys, I'll give an example of what I mean, this weekend just gone we had plans to go out sunday evening, as it was she was called in to work (This is very rare and is not the issue) so our plans had to be cancelled. It frankly didnt bother me atal that we had to cancel our plans, I was disappointed for her having to work on her night off, but as far as us spending time together it just didn't stur any emotions in me atal. Thats what I'm getting at when I say something has gone. Yeah I have been thinking I need to talk to her and explain, as you guys have said she may feel the same, and if not we can hopefully get through it, if not then so be it.
[color=blue]i think you need a better explain than that[/color]
No, he doesn't - for all he knows she might feel the same as he does.
What usually happens is that one feels the other beginning to withdraw and being more or less desperate/uncertain tightens his/her grip onto the other. The party of the first part feels increasingly trapped and begins trying to find an exit which only leads to more desperation on the party of the second part leading to a frantic downward tightening spiral - until the entire relationship explodes and everyone gets hurt.
All because they did NOT discuss it.
Have the courage to be honest.