But there is one thing. Have you replayed those "events" and looked at what happened? Was there a certain way it came about? Thrusting, deep penetration plus grinding, oral? Were there specific events that led up to it? Such as those three nights you were out on a romantic date, maybe feeling sexier than usual, more relaxed and happy?
All these factors are something to consider. Orgasms are very tricky when your first getting the hang of it. Especially the over thinking and stress. You have to relax. If you stress over not orgasming your gonna wind up not orgasming. Remember....you said it yourself...you have great sex, and from what it sounds like a caring and dedicated partner, and you normally don't orgasm! You should be happy that you enjoy it so much. This just means your orgasm will be more of a "great addition" as opposed to "the only way I will have decent sex".
Relax! Enjoy yourself! When you see your partner looking at you with the "I would do anything to be in you" look, that you have a person who finds you sexy and desireable. When your laying there right before remember that your going to have amazing sex! You will find it a lot easier to relax this way...
Let us review some facts: One-quarter of all women never, or very rarely, experience orgasm. Half of us (I am in this group) generally require supplemental or additional stimulation to reach orgasm (I adore receiving oral and it almost always works very easily).
One-quarter of women commonly reach orgasm through penetration and thrusting.
You seem to be in the middle group that includes half of us. You and your b/f need to be exploring alternatives and may be interested that there is an entire movement standing for "ladies first." You come first and then it is his turn. The idea is based upon the fact that most men have no difficulty reaching orgasm whilst many women need some special treatment. This gives the man a chance to address her needs and we can address his without the fear of being left high and dry (and frustrated).
This is an additional reason for having a complete gyn exam to the bleeding issue in another post. Whatever religion, all women should have these exams regularly and we recommend the first one on the sixteenth birthday. This has nothing to do with sexual activity; it is simply a good health practice.
I think you would have orgasmed the first few times if it was the "new and exciting". Curious...did you notice bleeding after having sex those times? I know you said that you bleed in another thread. Did it happen with those times?
Uh, well...
I have some news...
After over a year of not having an orgasm, it finally happened... yay! He was going down on me and I don't know what he did, but he did SOMETHING right and, well...bam. Now I just have to worry about getting that couch cleaned up.... :o oops....
> He was going down on me and I don't know what he did, but he did SOMETHING right and, well...bam.
Please consider the possibility that the two of you have a communication problem--verbally and/or non-verbally. In other words, as the ol' adage states: "the left hand does not know what the right hand is doing". If you are not indicating what you require from him now/next, then understand that none of us are mind readers. Regardless of whether he is pleasuring you or vice versa, no one can expect a partner to just know what to do when.
That you can experience orgasms and know what sensations are to be expected as you get close is a great first step. I suggest that you work on yourself (masturbate) frequently in order to connect the proverbial dots (nerves in the skin with the pleasure center in the brain along the autonomic nervous system) so that future climaxes come easier, AND, to be able to convey to your boyfriend what you need him to do. You may even need to help him with the "how" of what to do by taking his fingers and moving them in ways that help you along your path to an orgasm. The same goes for him with your fingers!
Please begin working together and understand that making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other in partnership.
[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;267017]> He was going down on me and I don't know what he did, but he did SOMETHING right and, well...bam.
Please consider the possibility that the two of you have a communication problem--verbally and/or non-verbally. In other words, as the ol' adage states: "the left hand does not know what the right hand is doing". If you are not indicating what you require from him now/next, then understand that none of us are mind readers. Regardless of whether he is pleasuring you or vice versa, no one can expect a partner to just know what to do when.
That you can experience orgasms and know what sensations are to be expected as you get close is a great first step. I suggest that you work on yourself (masturbate) frequently in order to connect the proverbial dots (nerves in the skin with the pleasure center in the brain along the autonomic nervous system) so that future climaxes come easier, AND, to be able to convey to your boyfriend what you need him to do. You may even need to help him with the "how" of what to do by taking his fingers and moving them in ways that help you along your path to an orgasm. The same goes for him with your fingers!
Please begin working together and understand that making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other in partnership.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?[/QUOTE]
Hm, good insight but I don't think that is the issue. Our communication, to my understanding, is actually very good. I tell him/show him what I want and it feels great. We even talk about it when we're in the act, and also reflect upon it when we're done. And I have been masturbating frequently (about 3 times a day) since I was about 10... so yeah, I have already explored that area and I've just never actually came from it. I know it sounds weird but even though I have learned how to pleasure myself and I really enjoy it, I have never climaxed from it. I have also guided him physically and verbally and it's gotten me near to waking up the neighbors if I'm not careful (I have to try really hard to keep quiet), but there was just some sort of block there that didn't allow me to just go over. After 10 years of not being able to get myself to cum, the problem was that he couldn't help me with it either, and I couldn't experience it either way. And I have just grabbed his fingers and moving them in ways I like, or when he's going down on me I'll move my pelvis or his head to just the spot that it feels the best. When he fingers me I hold on to his wrist and guide him. But that never got me there either. An idea he had is that it's rare we can get the house to ourselves and I have to refrain from making too much noise, and that it affects me differently than if I can just let go and relax.
And I KNOW it's not what we do to each other, that it's what we do with and for each other in partnership... but, that's what we're doing. Thanks for the advice but I've already got that covered
Also we have only had sex for a little less than two years, and we were virgins then... so we are still very new to this and learning and getting better and better. And that's why I posted this topic, because advice from others can never hurt! :)
Here is some reading material that may prove helpful:
The Anatomy of the Female "O"
For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?
Orgasm - Never Too Late
The articles doc provided are perfect.
But there is one thing. Have you replayed those "events" and looked at what happened? Was there a certain way it came about? Thrusting, deep penetration plus grinding, oral? Were there specific events that led up to it? Such as those three nights you were out on a romantic date, maybe feeling sexier than usual, more relaxed and happy?
All these factors are something to consider. Orgasms are very tricky when your first getting the hang of it. Especially the over thinking and stress. You have to relax. If you stress over not orgasming your gonna wind up not orgasming. Remember....you said it yourself...you have great sex, and from what it sounds like a caring and dedicated partner, and you normally don't orgasm! You should be happy that you enjoy it so much. This just means your orgasm will be more of a "great addition" as opposed to "the only way I will have decent sex".
Relax! Enjoy yourself! When you see your partner looking at you with the "I would do anything to be in you" look, that you have a person who finds you sexy and desireable. When your laying there right before remember that your going to have amazing sex! You will find it a lot easier to relax this way...
Let us review some facts: One-quarter of all women never, or very rarely, experience orgasm. Half of us (I am in this group) generally require supplemental or additional stimulation to reach orgasm (I adore receiving oral and it almost always works very easily).
One-quarter of women commonly reach orgasm through penetration and thrusting.
You seem to be in the middle group that includes half of us. You and your b/f need to be exploring alternatives and may be interested that there is an entire movement standing for "ladies first." You come first and then it is his turn. The idea is based upon the fact that most men have no difficulty reaching orgasm whilst many women need some special treatment. This gives the man a chance to address her needs and we can address his without the fear of being left high and dry (and frustrated).
This is an additional reason for having a complete gyn exam to the bleeding issue in another post. Whatever religion, all women should have these exams regularly and we recommend the first one on the sixteenth birthday. This has nothing to do with sexual activity; it is simply a good health practice.
Post deleted..
I think you would have orgasmed the first few times if it was the "new and exciting". Curious...did you notice bleeding after having sex those times? I know you said that you bleed in another thread. Did it happen with those times?
Post deleted..
Uh, well...
I have some news...
After over a year of not having an orgasm, it finally happened... yay! He was going down on me and I don't know what he did, but he did SOMETHING right and, well...bam. Now I just have to worry about getting that couch cleaned up.... :o oops....
> He was going down on me and I don't know what he did, but he did SOMETHING right and, well...bam.
Please consider the possibility that the two of you have a communication problem--verbally and/or non-verbally. In other words, as the ol' adage states: "the left hand does not know what the right hand is doing". If you are not indicating what you require from him now/next, then understand that none of us are mind readers. Regardless of whether he is pleasuring you or vice versa, no one can expect a partner to just know what to do when.
That you can experience orgasms and know what sensations are to be expected as you get close is a great first step. I suggest that you work on yourself (masturbate) frequently in order to connect the proverbial dots (nerves in the skin with the pleasure center in the brain along the autonomic nervous system) so that future climaxes come easier, AND, to be able to convey to your boyfriend what you need him to do. You may even need to help him with the "how" of what to do by taking his fingers and moving them in ways that help you along your path to an orgasm. The same goes for him with your fingers!
Please begin working together and understand that making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other in partnership.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;267017]> He was going down on me and I don't know what he did, but he did SOMETHING right and, well...bam.
Please consider the possibility that the two of you have a communication problem--verbally and/or non-verbally. In other words, as the ol' adage states: "the left hand does not know what the right hand is doing". If you are not indicating what you require from him now/next, then understand that none of us are mind readers. Regardless of whether he is pleasuring you or vice versa, no one can expect a partner to just know what to do when.
That you can experience orgasms and know what sensations are to be expected as you get close is a great first step. I suggest that you work on yourself (masturbate) frequently in order to connect the proverbial dots (nerves in the skin with the pleasure center in the brain along the autonomic nervous system) so that future climaxes come easier, AND, to be able to convey to your boyfriend what you need him to do. You may even need to help him with the "how" of what to do by taking his fingers and moving them in ways that help you along your path to an orgasm. The same goes for him with your fingers!
Please begin working together and understand that making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other in partnership.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?[/QUOTE]
Hm, good insight but I don't think that is the issue. Our communication, to my understanding, is actually very good. I tell him/show him what I want and it feels great. We even talk about it when we're in the act, and also reflect upon it when we're done. And I have been masturbating frequently (about 3 times a day) since I was about 10... so yeah, I have already explored that area and I've just never actually came from it. I know it sounds weird but even though I have learned how to pleasure myself and I really enjoy it, I have never climaxed from it. I have also guided him physically and verbally and it's gotten me near to waking up the neighbors if I'm not careful (I have to try really hard to keep quiet), but there was just some sort of block there that didn't allow me to just go over. After 10 years of not being able to get myself to cum, the problem was that he couldn't help me with it either, and I couldn't experience it either way. And I have just grabbed his fingers and moving them in ways I like, or when he's going down on me I'll move my pelvis or his head to just the spot that it feels the best. When he fingers me I hold on to his wrist and guide him. But that never got me there either. An idea he had is that it's rare we can get the house to ourselves and I have to refrain from making too much noise, and that it affects me differently than if I can just let go and relax.
And I KNOW it's not what we do to each other, that it's what we do with and for each other in partnership... but, that's what we're doing. Thanks for the advice but I've already got that covered
Also we have only had sex for a little less than two years, and we were virgins then... so we are still very new to this and learning and getting better and better. And that's why I posted this topic, because advice from others can never hurt! :)
Post deleted..
"You go, girl!"