Thanks Wally. I was nervous when I put that up cause I didn't think it would be understandable, or that anyone would take what I said seriously.
Now where did the original poster go?? I wanna know what he has to say! And if he made any decisions yet. You out there dude?

Thanks, Monie... it's nice to hear that someone at the other end of the "old fart" spectrum understands the issues.

It's something I've wrestled with when I read posts like the one that starts this thread. One reason I probably avoid answering a lot of the "first time" sorts of posts is that I think we sometimes do only half the job when we simply answer questions with "how to" information. But I also know young people don't come here for lectures and only a few want advice, really.

One of my "best" threads (unfortunately it has slipped into ancient history) was a dialog with a very young gal during which she decided to stop having sex and wait until she was older. She probably THOUGHT she was mature when she lost her virginity, but she demonstrated maturity when she "took it back." (I know that's not physically possible, but it's a way of saying she regained her true identity.)

As long as I'm swaying on my soap box, I'll add that while age is not a number, there's something strange about a kid who's not old enough to drive... probably has a curfew... if he's a guy is not even shaving yet... worrying about how to perform oral (or whatever) on his gf or her bf. Age may not be a number, but it is a reality.

Since I'm probably way off topic, I'd have to say that my reply to the original post is this: if you and her are not mature enough to have an adult conversaton with her mom (and your parents), you are probably not ready for sex and it's consequences.

Very good post Wally. That "old fart" perspective (as you put it ) was necessary. I just turned 19 today- so I am nowhere near being the parent of a teen. Also, I wasn't even considering being sexually active until i was 17- that's when my first serious relationship started. At that time, I was already on my own for a while, so I'd like to say that mentally I was further ahead than a 16 year old who still lives under his parents' roof, can still get punished or grounded, etc. Well, the reason that I did not try to be sexually active until that age was this- I knew that I was not mentally or emotionally ready yet. That probably doesnt sound right. I mean, I had desires to be sexually active when I was younger, I just knew that I was not yet mature enough to handle it. Then I guess something just sort of happened and it felt right. And I have never regreted my decision.
Now the point that I am trying to get at is this: it would be very nice if all kids could do that. But that is just not reality. Reality is when you are 11 and your 12 year old friend has a baby. We can try to instill things on our children to prevent them from winding up hurt or in trouble. But the bottom line is that they will make their own decisions, whether they are truly ready for it or not. And I know that you fullly understand this, but I just wanna get it out there. Mental and emotional maturity is needed before sex and the consequences and pleasures of it can be fully understood. Its just too bad that our bodies sexually develop before our minds get the chance to catch up.

Okay, I have to offer an "old fart" perspective...

I've known a lot of teens (including my own two children)... and I'd say that in some cases, if I were the parent, I would not want them having sex simply because they want to. My reasoning is not about MY beliefs or convictions, it's about theirs. Some kids are not even close to being ready for the responsibilities that go along with being sexually active.

There are physical responsibilities and consequences, those are "easy." (Although I know one couple who had a child because they decided unprotected sex would be okay "just this once.")

There are emotional responsbilities and consequences. None of these are limited to teens, by the way. I know some adults who are a little confused about the relationship between sex and love.

There are intellectual responsibilites and consequences. I think it's a valid question to ask: is a (pick a teen number) year old equipped to reason out their own convictions? I suppose we could debate defining virginity, but once it's gone, it's gone.

A parent should feel some obligation to encourage off spring to develop the physical, emotional, and intellectual maturity necessary to make sexual (and many other) decisions. I occasionally wonder if we posters in our haste to be helpful and informative ignore those issues. (That's not an attack, I'm including myself.)

A parent is not necessary a "bad" person because he or she does not support the idea of a "child" becoming sexually active.

That's certainly not to say that parents are perfect; far from it. But they are still parents.

Good one tease, a reality check would be nice...

Well, is her mom going to go into the room with the doctor?
Because if not, the doctor cannot tell her. There is a doctor/patient confidentiality thing.

And the doctor themself can't tell if a patient has had sex...atleast, not to my knowledge.
If her mom would go off the hymen theory, and the doctor would go off that theory as well, both of them need a serious reality check in life.

Hmm... Thinking about people young enough to still get grounded having sex... That's just weird to me. But anyways, I would just wait until she is on the pill and it has taken affect. That way, she would have already been to the doctor, and you two would be safer with her on the pill. But still, use a condom! Now, why would her mom be so mad? Is it a religious thing? Or does her mom just have strong convictions? Honestly, I think yuor girlfriend should have an honest heart to heart with her mom about the topic. I know, its hard ot do that, but its good to have everything out in the open between a mother and a daughter. But that is completely up to her. Like I said, wait until she is on the pill. Hope that helped.