Hi, I just started having sex about 3 months ago, oddly it was the day after having my first kiss, which I know was rushing it. I totally hadn't planned on doing anything, but anyways I'm still having sex and I really do enjoy it because of how close it makes me feel to my partner. The only problem seems to be, I can't orgasm, which I have repeatedly heard is common, but I know I can do it on my own so I've equated my not being able to orgasm to a psychological block. I've been trying to think what it is, and I don't believe that it's I'm not ready to have sex because I still eagerly go back for more, rather I've noticed some anxiety.
Before he had found my g-spot, I just didn't really feel I could get it to build up enough, the feelings were too mild and at times I would have a lack of sensation altogether, mostly just the areas that are supposed to be highly sensitive (breasts, vagina). He's complained of a lack of sensation to, and blaims it on the condoms.
The closest I had ever gotten to having an orgasm was with my ontop and him seated and without a condom. That was something forced on me and I immediately regretted that decision and will NOT go without a condom again despite feeling slightly closer to reaching an orgasm.
Just recently he found my g spot, and I had thought I was one of the few who "doesn't have one." It was during the early stages of a uti, and the feeling from the g spot was so intense I had to ask him to stop. I felt like I was fighting with the feelings, trying to fight them off. It almost felt like it hurt and I started kind of panicking and trying to move his hand and then I eventually told him to stop. The weird thing is I don't know if it was a good feeling or pain. I lean more towards pain because he was rubbing really rough.
He was trying to tell me to relax and I said I was trying and for some reason I could've easily cried right then. Am I just feeling a lot of pressure to orgasm? Am I scared? I'm not sure, and I don't expect someone to answer those questions for me, but would just like some input and maybe some advice or forwarding to previously posted advice on how to relax more during sex. Thanks so much because I'm at the point where I just started sex, yet already feel that it may not be for me, that I might just not like it, which ultimately I hope is nothing more than a fear.
Wed, 09/10/2008 - 10:48
#1
Anxiety prior to orgasm?
It likely took you three months to really learn to be comfortable on a bicycle. Sex is much more complex and difficult to master. With a male partner with limited experience, mastery is even more difficulty.
A quarter of all women, or rarely, never experience orgasm and another half of us need more stimulation than penetration and thrusting. The G-Spot and its associated play are rather advanced sexual techniques and you really need to begin with regular old-fashioned masturbation. The best training for orgasm is getting there yourself. Once you learn to successfully masturbate, you will know what is working and what is not. And you will know how close you are really coming to orgasm.
There are good ideas here and at clitical.com.
Welcome to the SI101 Board. I hope you enjoy participating.
Please look at the Index at the top of the main screen. It contains a list of many helpful articles. You will find several articles that discuss the female sexual response and orgams from different aspects.
One of the topics discussed is the fact that we do not give orgasms away. Each person is responsible for his/her own. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve them. In order to do this we must know how to achieve climaxes on our own. Once we can do this we can then guide our partner's hand/fingers over the course of several sessions in order to learn to mimic our rhythm, tempo, and pressures. Once we learn to duplicate these we can be more confident that our fingers will match what they do when home alone.
Key to all this is in providing feedback (verbal and/or non-verbal) on how we are responding to their touch and caress and for what we need next/now.
Masturbate, my dear, masturbate! Teach yourself to orgasm and then show him how it is done. He still is rather inexperienced himself. BTW - worrying about orgasms will stop you from having them. Think of yourself as a jellyfish floating in a warm ocean during a hot summer's day just riding the swells as they roll along.
Do not EVER permit yourself to be forced into ANYTHING. Does not matter what "it" is - if your answer is NO then it is NO. Be prepared to walk if he does not accept "NO MEANS NO". No does NOT mean "keep pestering me about until I cave in just to get you to STFU!" It is YOUR body so YOU have the final say. Own your sexuality.
Next point, yes the intimcay of sex is wonderful but please do not think that sex = love, because it doesn't. Sex is the physical expression of desire while Love is the emotional bond. 3 months does NOT an emotional bond make. So this is just sex and that's fine. Get your birth control, he gets his condoms, a bit of lubricant and off you go! Wonderful!
Please see the sticky post entitled Body Worship and The Program - that is what you two should spend your time learning.