Hi, I'm new here, thought I might learn more and broaden my mind a little.
I'm a young 44 y/o guy, athletic build, healthy. Like to think that I can pleasure my partner/s. Have just started seeing a lady who seems much more open than I am with talking about sex. She also appears to be more experienced than I am. She excites me so much, very keen and playful. Trouble is I just can't get hard when we are playing. She thinks I'm just holding back, but I'm not. Just to add that I think it's more a thought process because I wake in the morning at attention (hard). So I know things are working ok.
Have been reading through information on this site and has helped me understand that it is probably just anxiety. I have never been with a partner that has been so forward, maybe I even feel a little threatened or intimedated. But I am just so into her it's crazy.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
caithness
It's probably worth pointing out that in terms of your erectile function, you are definitely not "young", but not old, either.
Anxiety is most likely the problem. Try reading more of the site and relaxing. Increasing your knowledge on the subject should increase your confidence and decrease your anxiety.
How much time do you spend fooling around and making out before ever getting to the Foreplay stage?
Do you have an erection at any time during that process?
That you do not greet her with an erection is not a big issue. Do you let her fondle your penis in order bring about an erection anytime during your necking and petting? What about during Foreplay? If not, why not? If so, what are the results?
I agree, most likely this is a case of anxiety because as you have stated, things do work at other times. To counter or calm anxiety, the general recommendation is to just go slow and do not push for any response or rush to have a climax. Spend no less than half an hour, and longer within reason time permitting, to making out. Women require this time and men can greatly benefit from it.
> Have been reading through information on this site and has helped me
Have you read the articles listed in the Index?
> She also appears to be more experienced than I am.
Here is one of those articles. Please read this one to help with the calming:
HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:
Lastly, talk to her about any fears as well as how you feel about her and what suggestions have been given you about solving the predicament. Involving her will most likely be beneficial. Don't hide.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
Thanks for the help,
I'm a little old fashioned, lady comes first in my book or together at the same time. Always enjoy long sessions of kissing and touching before any intercourse, find it a much rewarding experience that way. Thanks I will refer to the articles you mentioned.
With gratitude,
caithness
Hi Dancingdoc2,
Thanks very much, understand it a lot better know. I have talked to her about how I felt and she was very understanding. The issue lays with me, so I'm going to just enjoy ourselves like we have been then build up slowly. The other point I did not mention, which probably applies more pressure, is that she has rarely orgasmed. All my previous partners have multi orgasmed with me. I just love seeing them in that zone, makes me feel great as well as them. That being said I have not had intercourse with this new partner as yet, we both have a free weekend coming up and would like to have some fun together. I plan on just stretching the experience out and just simply try having a go without the added expectation that it has to be just right. I'll get there!
Thanks once again for this help.
Stu
> All my previous partners have multi orgasmed with me.
Back in the '60s after the "Sexual Revolution" the BIG deal was to have simultaneous orgasms with your partner. Fast forward a few years and what we've learned recently are:
* That making love is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other.
* As a result, love making is a partnership.
* We do not give orgasms away. Each person, male and female, is responsible for his/her own. All any of us can hope to accomplish it to help our partner achieve them.
* Simultaneous orgasms are nice if and when the happen; however, we cannot will them, compel them, or somehow time them to go off at or nearly at the same time as our partner's.
The female O is much more cagey than the males. Each one can be different in many ways from the previous, and each one requires more effort to bring about.
In order to help the cause and make each other's orgasms easier to have, communication and feedback (verbal and non-verbal) are required. You can do a site search and/or look thru the Index for more on the subject.
> she has rarely orgasmed.
What about during masturbation? How does she do when taking matters into her own hands?
If she can orgasm regularly and consistently thru masturbation, then she can also do this with a properly schooled partner. There is at least one article on this, also. Communication and feedback are required; so too is taking your partner's hand and moving it in ways that you enjoy and will bring about an orgasm. Do this over the course of several sessions until she learns to mimic what you do. The same holds true for her with you.
DO NOT get all upset if your partner does not climax each and every time. Not all women do climax each time and a certain percentage never do have orgasms. Just be content that she has probably enjoyed making love even though an orgasm did not happen. It is not the biological imperative for women of the species as it is for males!
I hope this is of help. Got questions?