Dear EvanescentDream,
Welcome to the forum! And what a beautiful nick you have chosen! :)

I'm sorry to read about your angst. Please don't give up hope!

After reading this and your other thread (http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/married-long-term-relationships/29662-no...), it seems to me that you did experiment a lot. Which is a great thing to do! But maybe in all the excitement of trying the next an next and next thing, you skipped the basics?

First of all; start with yourself. Get to know your body. Forget about those guys being "blunt" and trying really hard to make you orgasm. If you or your guy "tries really hard" that will easily lead to him being to rough on you, or you being rough on yourself. And when trying hard to achieve orgasm, it makes it hard for you to let go. Surrendering and letting go is what having an orgasm is all about :)

The following description I have roughly made after watching a show on masturbation, feauturing Betty Dodson, which I thought to be very inspiring. Betty helps women achieve orgasm, even those who are having sex for ages and are already in their fourties, but haven't achieved orgasm yet. She helps getting them there! According to her an orgasm isn't magic, it isn't rocket science, it isn't pushing buttons. It's about pleasing and loving yourself and allowing your body to do what it knows very well it can do. (her website: [url=http://dodsonandross.com//]Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross | Women, Sex Advice, How to Orgasm, Masturbation, Relationships)

[INDENT]Know and love your pussy
Her first tip is before you start on masturbation, is to get a mirror and see what your pussy looks like. This could help you locate all the essential parts. Have a picture of the female anatomy ready for your convenience. I don't know if you've ever done so, dear ED, but it would be a recommendation to do so. Other than getting to know it, it could also helps to accept it as a beautiful part of you. The essence of masturbation is self-love :)

A session of self-loving
Create a nice atmosphere in whatever room you will please yourself. A nice warm temperature, a nice scent, maybe a bit of music. Anything that makes you feel relaxed. A bed, a couch or pillows on the floor; anything comfortable to lie on. Than start of by just lying there and relaxing; just as you would going to a spa. Let every bit of stress leave your body, breathing easily, until you notice you've become calm and serene. Feel how every part of your body is relaxing. How your feet lie against the ground or bed. How your arms lie next to your body. How the pillows feel soft against your buttocks.

Once you are relaxed, you are more open to sexual arousal and touch. In your own time; gently, caress your body. ANY part; just caress your hands lightly, go up along your arm. Or start by putting your hands on your belly, feeling it move with every breath and moving your hands along with it. Maybe after a while you'd like to sit up and massage your feet? Caress and even massage your body in a way that feels good to you. Establishing that connection with your body and starting to feel really good.

Once you feel like every part of your body is present and relaxed, you can continue, in your own time, to your erogenous zones; like breasts, ears, buttocks, etc (different to each person). Slowly taking it one step to another, building arousal. Until every part of your body is screaming to touch yourself in between your legs.

From the thighs go slowly towards it. Caress the labia majora. Spread them a little. Now you may take a little lubricant if you'd like and very gently caress the inner labia. Focus on each movement to find whatever feels good. Circle towards the clitoris and find the rhythm that feels good. At this point; you could also use a clit-vibrator as well. But remember to start very soft and gentle, building up a little pressure at a time. Once you start rough, you've beaten up the clit, making it impossible for her to accept the light touch. It's packed with nerve-endings there, so it really doesn't need to be rough. While touching yourself, you can do this in any position and you can move every part of your body the way you like. Rocking and twisting your hips, etc.

Every step of the way towards excitement, you need to focus on yourself and your pleasure. Don't make it a competition or an orgasm that needs to be "achieved". Just enjoy yourself! Orgasms are more like sneezes. And the more able you are pleasing, stimulating and loving your body, the more easy your body will get into that natural flow. If you didn't orgasm, than you still have provided yourself pleasure and relaxation in this self-loving session.[/INDENT]

There are also some excellent articles that I recommend you read on this site:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new-sex/19803-women-only-help-why-cant-h...
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/pleasing-her/21388-anatomy-female-o-answ...
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new-sex/25177-too-sensitive.html

More articles can be found in the Index, or do a search.

I hope this is of any help.

You are stopping yourself from having an orgasm.

"it gets feeling soo intense it feels bad" - well, DUH! Unlike men, women have to finalize their body to brain connections in order to orgasm. Yes, it will feel so intense that it feels bad BECAUSE your brain is MISINTERPRETING the additional sensation with pain instead of pleasure because the intense stimulation is NEW and DIFFERENT.

What you do, after learning to masturbate as Red has detailed below, is to RELAX both brain and body, breathe deeply and calmly through the "pain" and just let the resultant orgasm flow through you. Once you do, your brain goes "oh so THAT's what that is" and correctly assigns the additional intense stimulation to pleasure.

As to not liking yourself and/or your body - STOP THAT
Everyone on the planet dislikes/hates something about themselves and most of this is just BS. Instead of focusing on this part or that aspect - regard yourself as a whole. You're not just 'this part' walking around - you're You walking around.

Turn off the Negative Thoughts running in your head and focus instead on the Positive Thoughts.

You have read around. Good for you and now you know that there are many women experiencing the same frustration. The extreme sensitivity you experience right before a possible orgasm does not mean "stop." It means do something a bit different - less direct pressure, less speed, touch other spots.

The best training for women to become orgasmic is masturbation. Use whatever it takes and many women find vibrators to be a great help. They are widely available in pharmacies and department stores; no need for visiting sex shoppes.

Do a search, both here and on the web, for female masturbation. The ideas will be overwhelming. One caution is that too many of those sites are really for the titallation of men rather than to help women. It will take a few seconds reading to identify what is helpful and what is not.

Take the pressure off yourself. Of the quarter of woman who do not experience orgasm, the majority are not unable but, rather unwilling. I have several patients experience first orgasm in their thirties; one waqs 54. A willingness to explore your own body and figure out what you respond is key. Once you experience orgasm you will know what you are striving for and it gets easier.

Reaching orgasm is an almost foregone conclusion for the adolescent male; we women need to learn how to reach orgasm.

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about--like yours! In addition, if you click on the site's Home Page you will find even more information. I recommend that you read each of the articles mentioned in the Index and add all the information to what you already know. Knowledge is empowering.

[QUOTE=EvanescentDream;263606][COLOR="blue">Hi, I've been looking for the forums and reading around. Im 18, and never had an orgasm....in fact it's worse than that. I dont think i've even come close with another person before, and I've had sex with 5 different people, 2 of them...a lot. [/COLOR]

It is important to know that we do not give orgasms away. Each of us, male and female, is responsible for our own orgasms. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve them. For this to happen it is necessary to learn how to masturbate and then to be able to climax regularly and consistently on our own. Boys learn to masturbate right out of puberty, not so the fairer gender. Girls generally learn much later in life as you are finding out, and, finding that the process is much more of a conscious concerted effort.
[COLOR="blue">
By myself...I think i've come close through clit stimulation, but never managed to get there. It just gets toooo intense it starts to feel really BAD, not pleasurable and I just cant do it.[/COLOR]

The tip of the Clitoris is much smaller than the Glans of a penis yet has as many or more sensitive nerve endings. What you feel and will later enjoy is going to be much more intense than what a man without a foreskin will feel. The only fellas who can come close to feeling what you feel are uncircumcised men. This is because the nerve endings in the Glans are under wraps so to speak and shielded from exposure and thus contact with the elements that over time will dull sensations.

As for the stimulation becoming too sensitive, please read this article from the Index:

What to do when the Clitoris becomes too sensitive

[COLOR="blue">I dont own any toys and at the moment cant afford them/am too uncreative to find a decent hiding place. So, ae there any other suggestions?[/COLOR]

These are not matters of being "uncreative"; rather, of being unimaginative. Please read the comments Brandye and I have to offer in this thread.

[COLOR="blue">I have a friends with benefits who is really blunt, and so was my ex. Both of them had an aim that they wanted to make me orgasm and I know they tried really hard. I know it isnt them, and I know it's me. They've tried talking to me about it, and I just feel so bad about myself that I cant have an orgasm, I've almost cried becaus of it. Im so scared that i'll be one of those women that cant EVER come.[/COLOR]

Possible, tho, not likely. Please read this article:
The Anatomy of the Female "O"

Next, please read this article:
For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?

Here is an article also listed in the Index full of benefits that should encourage you to work on learning how to masturbate:
Benefits of Masturbating for Boys and for Girls

[COLOR="blue">Even during sex...I havent got close, and to be quite honest, it doesnt even feel that good. It's not that it feels bad or I cant feel anything...it's just meh, but the techniques they use, are and would be good on a different person.[/COLOR]

As explained in at least one of the articles we've mentioned, above, is the fact that while we all learn to masturbate in generally the same basic way for our gender, each of us develops a slightly different technique that is unique to us. Add to this that as we masturbate, we frequently make tiny mid course corrections for what we are doing.

Once each of us learns to masturbate, we can then show our partner how we do it, and, we should take his/her hand and move it according to what works for us in the moment. Do this over several sessons until your partner learns to mimic what you do when home alone. Also, key to all this is providing feedback (verbal and/or non-verbal) on how we are responding to his/her caresses and for what we need now/next.
[COLOR="blue">
I just want to be able to. Im scared that I cant.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

As noted in one of the articles, above, some small percentage of women do never climax and enjoy orgasms. For these women, sex can still be incredibly enjoyable because orgasms are not a requirement that they are for men.

Please read each of the articles we have offered to you, more than once. Practice the exercise several times when you are rested and relaxed, and with no outside distractions. Understand that learning to connect the proverbial dots between the sensitive nerve ending in the skin with the pleasure center in the brain is a process and it will take practice. So: practice, practice, practice. Understand that as you get close to an orgasm, you may have an urge to pee. If so, and you have an empty bladder, just push thru the sensation. If/when your clitoris becomes too sensitive to touch, switch your caresses to surrounding areas. Cover the clitoris with the labia and massage it thru them, indirectly.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?