Do people really believe that monogamy is natural or something that is a normal desire of people like the need for H2O? Or is it the case that people fervently wish to be monogamous notwithstanding their real desire for many partners?
I acknowledge that this may be a bit different between men and women, but I'm asking about it on fairly general terms...
I am curious to hear what folks have to say.
Thanks!
i personally think that true intimacy can only be established through monogamy. the thought of sharing the woman that i am deeply in love with has NEVER crossed my mind and the thoughts of being with other woman have been purely fleeting. we are human so temptations will always be there and i really believe that anyone that tells differently is not being honest. we have the ability to act or not act on those fantasies.
my 2 cents anyway
Still another question. Are you writing a paper for a sociology class?
Nope. I just have a lot of questions about why North American society has all these strange beliefs about sex.
For example the poster above speaks about "true intimacy". What the heck is that? Why didn't he answer my question rather than go on about "true intimacy"? Do you really believe that monogamy is natural or not? Yes or no? Why yes or no?
This is a place where people ask questions about sex, so I'm here asking. That's all. :)
I guess since you have never married you cannot understand all which is involved and the happiness.
Sera,
You are correct. However, I did observe my parents marriage for 37 years until my father died. I'm not a complete stranger to marriage, just never a participant. Due to the ideas flying around these days, a lot of kids don't even have that experience.
[quote=wet_suit_one;227792]Sera,
You are correct. However, I did observe my parents marriage for 37 years until my father died. I'm not a complete stranger to marriage, just never a participant. Due to the ideas flying around these days, a lot of kids don't even have that experience.[/quote] Mine have been married for 40+ and still happy...I am the only one divorced...everyone while around was happily married. Even my brother who I wrote of before is...things happen.
I don't regret being married...I know what I was drawn to & why it was wrong for me. I thought authority also implied trust worthiness; that was how I was raised. I have learned to meet men who choose to be with me & do not "need me" in the sense of needing me to make their life better. Find the man who wishes to be there, not the one who is compelled due to personal agendas...I thought people were honest, it was how I was raised. My second ex...with him it was the thrill of the chase but he fell in love with her & she also found out she was pregnant. He said she needed him more; I was capable of taking care of myself & had my family.
None of these three things are mutually inclusive nor mutually exclusive:
SEX, MARRIAGE, LOVE.
_____________________________________________________________________
However in a good marriage you have those three; as well as, common goals, individual interests, communication, values, goals, ethics, shared financial/career plans, respect, admiration, commitment, understanding, friendship, trust, empathy, forgiveness, etc.
Sera,
I concur with your final statement (at least the first part). I'd have to think about the rest a bit longer. That laundry lists of "needs" just seems to make marriage harder to be enjoyable, not easier. The less you expect, the easier it is to be happy with your situation (in my view), otherwise, there is ALWAYS something missing, or wrong, or unsatisfactory etc.
I expect to wake up dead everyday and I am very pleasantly surprised to be alive. One day I won't wake up, but I won't be disappointed as it was what I expected anyways. Clever trick, no? :D
[quote=wet_suit_one;227853]Sera,
I concur with your final statement (at least the first part). I'd have to think about the rest a bit longer. That laundry lists of "needs" just seems to make marriage harder to be enjoyable, not easier. The less you expect, the easier it is to be happy with your situation (in my view), otherwise, there is ALWAYS something missing, or wrong, or unsatisfactory etc.
I expect to wake up dead everyday and I am very pleasantly surprised to be alive. One day I won't wake up, but I won't be disappointed as it was what I expected anyways. Clever trick, no? :D[/quote]
The laundry list? No. It's things you look for in a person you date for a long time. In the interim you date many people; when one has all the goodies, you consider marriage. Meaning; you align well with ease, not forced or making someone that way. You date until you find that needle in the haystack. The parts which are not so great is where there is compromise since the good outweighs the bad., that's easy. When a relationship is tough all along; it's the wrong one. When you just hit on all the subjects that's the one you CONSIDER!
Yeap, expect nothing & you will never be disappointed, only pleasantly surprised when good happens. Murphy's Law & eternal pessimist.
On our other thread? Wait until 40? The gene pool to choose from is so limited and tainted. Marry early & you have better choices; meanwhile you can grow together and the issues are not so major!
Do you think I did not "know" my then spouse was having affairs? Yeah I did. I just wanted him to be honest. He began to lie for no good reason & that was what I could not take which lead to the inevitable argument about "her, she need him more than I, & he loved her"...the argument ended up with a fist being raised to me. He left...went out for a ride and never came back [Everybody has a hungry heart"--Springsteen]. Never removed a belonging of his from the house, I changed the locks, I "lock & loaded" too. All was fine until a year or so later & filed for a divorce on all three grounds; then he became violent at me in public. Yes, he was "nuts" near the end due to guilt of what he did & death of a family member who was elderly. I just did not want to hear the lies; I did not want to wake at 4 am to find he did not come home, call work & they tell me he left at 11! And "Hello"; I did the laundry--duh! It was the ongoing lies which lead me to file--not the flings. He was full of deception & I believe a habitual liar since he believed his own lies...even his family which believed him [rightfully so] changed and apologized to me. YES, he was very normal for the first near ten years of our marriage...one day his guilt got him, even his PD would not allow him to work [only dispatching]...no guns for him. Yet he refused to work as an attorney!!!
What I am saying; you find that one at the right time in life which you sync with; otherwise, you keep dating many. This does not imply sex with everyone either. Casual dating only. The only reason I am saying anything about this is I do hope someone learns from my mistakes; then it will not have been all in vain...but I still want it all--maybe I should be locked up???
The only thing I can think is someone you were involved with messed you up!
I've only been involved with one woman. SHe was unpleasant. Otherwise, I did a lot of thinking for myself, studying the issues and came to the conclusion I have stated about how I want to live my life. It has been a very long and deliberate road. Also, I'm tired of being celibate. 33 years of celibacy is unnatural and finally unacceptable to me.
I have been pleasantly surprised about just how well the sex industry functions in my home town. It's not quite satisfaction guaranteed but definitely more good times than bad. It's a far from perfect situation personally, but at least I'm getting laid on a regular basis for the first time ever. All is well!
BTW, I'm not a pessimist, I just don't expect anything good. Good things however continue to happen in the normal course, so my happiness quotient goes up! Yay me! :D