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Anal Sex Issues

I'm a homosexual male, usually of bottom (catcher/passive; the partner that is penetrated) inclination. While, I usually do not engage in anal sex, I have been getting serious with my current partner. My issue lies in the fact that I feel uncomfortable with anal sex afterwards, feeling dirty (b/c of feces; physically, not emotional/mental).

While it is pleasurable for me and him, I feel like I can't seem to do "enough" to be as clean as possible (all jokes aside, please). While he has no issues with it, I am trying to find any information from others (men and women as well, sorry if I offend anyone not the intention) on what are their practices to prepare for anal sex; before, during, and/or after.

As of this moment, I currently use different soaps, make sure the surface is as clean as possible, have a bowel movement several hours before hand, and usually (if I have time) will use a lukewarm water enema to clean the immediate area inside the anal cavity.

I know this may seem odd, but no matter how much I look into it, not much is said about this other than "take a shower" or "wash up".

Thank you for your time

Not much more is said because there's not much more you can do, Motion. There is no way to guarentee you're completely cleaned out or that there won't be some residue. I'm very fastidious about it as well and do all the things you mention (I'll do three quick enema rinses, or until it comes back clear), but occasionally **** happens (pun intended!). Try not to let it bother you too much, just make sure you have towels and whatever available to clean up quickly after the fact. Since your partner doesn't let it bother him try to relax and not worry about it. You're doing everything possible.

From a female prospective...I enjoy the same and had similar concerns the first few times. It took me a bit of time to relax and realize all was clean enough. You have gone far above the call of duty to ensure cleanliness and from a medical prospective there is nothing more you can do to cleanse the areas. High colonic's are not a good idea.

If you are concerned, try taking a shower or hot bath together before...lather each other up. If he cleaned the area then it's clean enough for him. I find a hot bath together with some lathering action is a real turn on, with some play at the same time...it help keep all areas nice and clean!

Ty for the replies, it's nice to know that it doesn't happen just to me (now I just feel a bit paranoid O.o). I will try the shower/hot bath thing, haven't done it with him yet.

Use your soapy hands to wash each other, do not use a washcloth as it is not nearly as intimate. In addition to just bathing each other, you can begin to incorporate some massaging and fondling and making out in the water, too. Sera300 has great advice.

What type of solution are you using for the enema? Experts caution against using tap water and recommend using only distilled water. I suppose giving yourself an enema is OK, however, I do not like them for other than medical reasons unless you are using plain water for a general rinsing. If you are adding anything to the water there is a good chance of upsetting your body's chemical balance if done frequently.

> I currently use different soaps

Soapsuds enemas are not a good idea, and while popular fifty years or more ago are no longer the defacto-standard. The use of soapsuds (even mild castile soap) enemas was found to be associated with adverse reactions caused by its irritant effects.

You do not mention using condoms, and I believe this is a must for the active partner. I favor using a condom and not doing an enema. An enema takes away from the spontaneity of events in my never to be so humble opinion. In addition to providing protection, a slightly soiled condom can be quickly and easily disposed of.

Your questions and concerns are not odd and are actually quite relevant.

If you are planning a nice bath...take a good bottle Champagne, a plate of Strawberries, and lots of candles!!!

Condoms are a must. I always use them. Until recently i was using condoms with spermicide: nonoxynol-9, however I recently read that N9 is actually more dangerous it can become a catalyst for std/hiv transmission during anal sex. I am currently in the market for better condoms, looking for condoms specifically for anal sex, not sure if they are commonly found.

When I mention soaps, it is topical, not for enemas. The enema is just a flushing of the area immediately after the anal sphincter, I do not go beyond perhaps 3 or 4 inches. I may do so twice or three times, until it run clear. I do not use any solutions generally (unless for a health reason); no Monobasic Sodium Phosphate and/or Dibasic Sodium Phosphate. I fear if I use any actual chemicals on a regular basis (other than water), I may become irritated or may end up hurting myself in a more serious way.

And TY Sera, I will be hitting the supermarket this week =)

wait why would you use spermicides if it is with another guy?

It was believed until recently (not sure exactly when) that N9 helped against HIV and some other STD's. However, they discovered that N9 during anal sex can irritate an area that absorbs moisture and make the chances of becomming infected higher for the person being penetrated.

Hi Motion,
Just thought I'd add another gay man's opinion... It sounds like you are taking all the right steps. In general (for those who are regular), the rectum is clear of fecal matter anyway. A quick rinse is usually sufficient to make sure you are clean. By and large, just try not to worry about it too much.

As another female that likes anal sex, this is a very common and normal concern. Like everyone else has said, you're doing everything right. You said your partner doesn't have a problem with it, so take this as a cue that you have no reason to feel "dirty". I understand it can be annoying, and cause someone to feel self conscious. But you said your relationship is fairly serious, so try and relax and enjoy!