so the other day i was talking to my girlfriend and i was asking if she hadn't met me, would she ever really be horny. she said no, this kinda bothered me. she also never masturbates unless i ask her to (we're talking about being on the phone here.) this too worried me. from the lack of all this i was worried because i always read the girls can never be pleased by partners if they can't be pleased by themselves and she is very uncomfortable with herself. another thing is, it kinda upsets me she would masturbate more often when she says she does randomly get quite horny thinking about me. it makes me feel kinda bad about myself honestly. what i wanna know is, am i just paranoid? i mean (about her not masturbating to the thought of me ever) i was addicted to porn for five years, is that just the left over addiction telling me that's normal?
Sat, 12/11/2010 - 03:36
#1
am i scarred?
i'm not an expert,but most women including me don't orgasm during vaginal penetration,or very rarely do.I'm in the second category.It depends on what position(cowgirl gets me off pretty much all the time)I can have some wicked orgasms while masturbating on my own and through clitoral or oral stimulation with a partner.I am pretty much horny all the time and if i had a partner well whenever we could make time for fun and games i wouldn't say no,unless one of us were sick or just not feeling all that into it.How long have you and your girlfriend been together?Because familiararity can have a big part.She might not need to be horny all the time to feel like she wants you.I might be barking up the wrong tree so please correct me if i'm wrong
we've been together for a little more than a year now but one problem is that we hardly ever see each other. we live 20 miles away from each other, we're still in our teens and can't drive, and her father is the most irrational thing ever
I think I'm reading you wrong....it makes you feel bad about yourself that you're the only one that makes her horny? Why would that speak negatively about you?
Oh well that kind of makes things difficult then.Are you seeing each other exclusively or dating other people as well.As you are both pretty young it might be better to see other people to get an idea of how you and your girlfriend feel about each other
[QUOTE=onlyformygirl;262433][COLOR="blue">so the other day i was talking to my girlfriend and i was asking if she hadn't met me, would she ever really be horny. she said no, this kinda bothered me. [/COLOR]
You've been a member of the site for nearly a year, yet it seems from your description of events that you have not done much if any reading--either forums or the articles listed in the Index.
Being horny is physiological, and while the condition is, it manifests itself differently in males and females. Orgasms are a biological imperative for boys/men, not so for women.
[COLOR="blue">she also never masturbates unless i ask her to (we're talking about being on the phone here.) this too worried me. [/COLOR]
Women also tend not to masturbate nearly as frequently as guys. These facts are important for boys, especially, to know and understand. Now, having said that, and without knowing either your ages or her level of development, it may be that right now she is not automatically horny as she may very well become in several more months.
[COLOR="blue">from the lack of all this i was worried because i always read the girls can never be pleased by partners if they can't be pleased by themselves and she is very uncomfortable with herself. [/COLOR]
Please define "be pleased by". I presume you mean being able to achieve an orgasm and this is pretty generally nearly always correct; there are rare exceptions. Now, having said that, do you know if she can regularly and consistently climax when she masturbates? If she has yet to "connect the proverbial dots" and make the transition into an orgasmic woman, then, yes, she probably will not be able to climax from your caresses.
It is not unusual for young girls new to physical intimacy to be uncomfortable with their body. Give these people some more time to mature, remembering that the teen years are transition years that span a decade! There is more to becoming mature than puberty.
[COLOR="blue">another thing is, it kinda upsets me she would masturbate more often when she says she does randomly get quite horny thinking about me. it makes me feel kinda bad about myself honestly. what i wanna know is, am i just paranoid? [/COLOR]
"Paranoid?" Slightly, although more to the point, uninformed. If you masturbate more than once a day, consider what you'd be doing after making love to a woman earlier that day. There is also an article in the Index on the benefits of masturbation that you should read (Pg. 2).
It is not at all unusual for boys/men to masturbate one or more times a day and make love sometime in between. One has nothing to do with the other. It is the same for you, it is the same for her. There is no failing on your part.
i mean (about her not masturbating to the thought of me ever) i was addicted to porn for five years, is that just the left over addiction telling me that's normal?[/QUOTE]
Have you ever heard the saying that you can't believe everything you see at the movie? There is not much real and factual in a porn movie except for the stimulation.
I recommend that the two of you begin reading the articles listed in the Index either together or separately, then discussing what you have learned, and adding the information to what each of you already knows.
I hope this is of help.
I had an ex girlfriend who had never played or touched herself sexually until she met me and started having sex. She was a virgin when we first met and after a month or so we started to do it.
I showed guided her on where everything is down there and after so long into the relationship we bought a vibrator and we are still friends. She has told me that its used every so often.
Does seem alot of females don't masturbate at all or not sure how to touch it the right way. The other thing i have found that some would rather a guy does it for them because it feels better, I know thats true but you can't wait all the time for someone else to do things for you.
[QUOTE=CLVR-HNDS_GUY;262444]some would rather a guy does it for them[/QUOTE]
I have to agree here. I can't hold a candle to T :D Kind of a connectedness thing, in part. It's just so much more satisfying when we're doing things together than when I'm helping myself.
[QUOTE=onlyformygirl;262433]so the other day i was talking to my girlfriend and i was asking if she hadn't met me, would she ever really be horny. she said no, this kinda bothered me.[/quote]
Bother you it may... But why exactly? Because you feel that she should have been horny in the first place? Or because it makes you feel responsible for it?
[QUOTE=onlyformygirl;262433]she also never masturbates unless i ask her to (we're talking about being on the phone here.) this too worried me. from the lack of all this i was worried because i always read the girls can never be pleased by partners if they can't be pleased by themselves and she is very uncomfortable with herself. [/quote]
It is true that masturbation helps you to learn about your body and whatever (not) pleases you. Logic is that you therefor can better tell your partner more easy. And that you recignize that good feeling better. But I can speak from my own experience that it actually was my bf who helped me learn how to please myself. He played with my body at first and I orgasmed, then I learned how to play with mine while he lay next to me and in about a month or 3 I could do it all by myself. Still; it's so much easier to orgasm and far more exciting when he does it for me or while he's next to me :o
So; it isn't necessarily that girls who can't please themselves can't be pleased by their partners. What could be of importance is that she needs to be open to pleasure. Is there a reason why she is so uncomfortable? Upbringing, religion, bad experiences, poor body-image, etc...
[QUOTE=onlyformygirl;262433]another thing is, it kinda upsets me she would masturbate more often when she says she does randomly get quite horny thinking about me. it makes me feel kinda bad about myself honestly.[/quote] I don't understand the first phrase... She randomly gets horny thinking about you, so it upsets you she masturbates often??? I guess I should be reading that it upsets you she doesn't masturbate more often, given the rest of your post(?) Why does it make you feel bad? Because you feel bad for her she can't? Or because you think she apparently doesn't get horny enough thinking about you to actually masturbate (iow: your ego being hurt, not trying to be offensive)?
[QUOTE=onlyformygirl;262433]what i wanna know is, am i just paranoid? i mean (about her not masturbating to the thought of me ever) i was addicted to porn for five years, is that just the left over addiction telling me that's normal?[/QUOTE]
You've kinda lost me here (sorry)... What is it the left-over of this addiction tells you? That women should happily masturbate? (yes, they should. But if there are things in the way that makes her uncomfortable, it may not work as happily)
Paranoia is an unfounded and exaggerated distrust of others; believing someone is plotting against you without there being clear motives. So are you trying to say you don't trust her? Or that you think she may be lying?
Excuse me for posting more questions than answers... I hope you could clarify things :)