My BF n I are in a relationship for 5 years,our sexlife was not so good for the last one year. Recently I am getting excited in the packed train when i rub against strangers(men) and i am having an orgsm. also recently i let a guy drop his fingers in my panty and rub it for me. Is it considered cheating?
Sun, 04/17/2011 - 10:08
#1
am I a cheat n my behaviou is slutty?
Yes,it could be considered cheating,but if you say that your relationship with your boyfriend hasn't been good for the last year,then maybe you are looking for satisfaction somewhere else.I'm not going to judge you and say that you are slutty,because we all express our sexuality in different ways.You say that you like rubbing up against strangers in trains and let someone put his fingers in your panties.Perhaps you are living out some kind of fantasy that you have in your mind.I'm no expert but it does seem like this to me.
There are those on here who would tell you there's no such thing as cheating if there's not a marriage certificate. IMO, the definition doesn't come from an objective source like a dictionary. There's no one single definition, or a checklist where if you score 15 or more you're cheating but anything less and you're fine. It depends on you two--what is your mutual understanding of your relationship? Do YOU consider it cheating? Does HE?
The only other thing I'm going to say----these things are only a symptom of the larger relationship issues. Get stuff sorted out with your boyfriend sooner rather than later, okay? Yesterday it was fingering. Tomorrow, who knows, and it will only complicate it more. Figure out if your relationship is worth saving to you, and COMMUNICATE WITH HIM.
To me your sexual drive is higher than his. You are fantasizing sexual things you wish to experience. Talk with your boyfriend and see were his fantasies are. Try to enjoy them together. If you two are on the same page, then let him be that guy on the train next time. What I mean, you two play (act) your rolls out together. Now if he is not sexually motivated like you are, you have choices to make.
I don't think its that her sex drive is higher. There are too many unknowns. Is it bad because she doesn't get it enough? Is it bad because she doesn't cum regularly? Perhaps they are just bored. And after dating for 5 years it can happen.
Cheating is relative. I know someone who will jump in and say your not cheating. But I feel that if you both agreed to monogamy then yes.
As far as slutty. I don't believe that you can really call someone a slut. Sexuality is something that should be celebrated...that being said id doest sound to safe to be letting ranndom strangers finger you. Nor does it sound too safe to be rubbing up against strangers...you never know when someone will be offended or take it too far.
generally speaking cheating is best defined by the other person in the initial relationship. While you probably don't want to ask your bf if he considers this cheating, can most easily define it your self with a couple of questions. Are you getting pleasure out of it that you wish you were getting from your boyfriend? Are you hiding it from your bf? if both of these are YES, there's a good chance that your bf will consider it cheating.
Want to find out for sure? ask you bf in terms of your own relationship what he expects from you, tell him you have been feeling left out and fantasizing about other people. Don't tell him you let a stranger finger you on the train as that probably won't go very well.
Thank you for all ur inputs, let me clear few more details, I love my BF, he is gentle, caring, loving and very accomodative. But for the past few years the sex drive is very slow( infact if we do it once month i should feel lucky), I didnt want to damage our relationship for that reason. I have done and tried everything to increase our sexual drive, I tried sexy accessories, perfumes, dirty sex messages all lead up to big nothing. I am getting horney day by day, i tired self satisfaction by fingering myself, but still i am not satisfied i am getting so aroused in places very i shouldnot be. I try to discuss these things with my BF but he felt like i am pressuring him. so I dont know what i should do.
Try talking to your boyfriend again,but don't make it sound like you are blaming him for your lack of sex.Perhaps he is stressed out at work,or having health problems,ask him gently if any of these things are the reason for his low sex drive.Tell him also that you miss sharing intimate moments with him,and ask him if he has any ideas on how to improve your sex life.Let him know that you love him and want to share intimate moments with him.
why does men always run when you want to talk about the problems, i guess there is nothing wrong of having some fun outside if this is the way he reactswhen ever i wanted to discuss about?????
Katie, turn on your pm options
if a guy turns away when ever you want to talk about something serious, that might be an indicator of how he views your relationship. Many immature guys just don't know how to be empathetic
Yes Katie,please turn on your PM options so we can talk about these issues.Men always seem to internalise everything,and they also assume that we women automatically know how they feel about us.That's why you need to find a time and place where he can't avoid talking to you,and don't blame him for the way you feel.Use I statements such as 'I feel that i....' rather than You statements such as 'You always....'.This way he knows that you are not blaming him.
Katie, sound like you have tried talking, and he isn't listening. Give him an altimatium. Be honest with him. He could be doing this to drive you two apart. You have a lot of questions to ask, demand answers. Based your decision on those answers. I know how you feel that you can't act on what your body is telling you. Don't cheat, people get hurt. Be honest, if that doesn't change, move on. Other wise years down the road you wished you had moved on. Be strong girl and demand he stand up and be that man you want him to be.
Okay - Devil's Advocate time!
Why aren't you two married yet? 5 years? What are you waiting for?
Well, we know why - there's no thrill there and you're off enjoying something risky after having tried all the usual ways to get him interested including trying to talk with him about this.
So it is time for a new BF. Sorry, dear, but there it is. Can you seriously see yourself in 20 years STILL rubbing up against strangers on a train? Yes, your current BF is all caring and gentle and sweet -and yet - and yet - and yet - AAARGH! The man just isn't facing up and stepping up. You aren't cheating (a stupid idea) and you aren't a slut (a stupid word). This behavior is what happens when you get emotionally invested in the wrong man - one who does not meet your sexual requirements.
So to save yourself from a jail term for strangling him out of frustration - drop him.
EEK let's face it after her ballsy PM session to me I think I turned her way from this site forever.
Katie, just want you to know you not the only one.
I'm far worst. My hubby n I making love once year.
Am so horney. I don't wanna hurt/ cheat him and damage the relationship because of this issue. I end up with self satisfaction by fingering myself.
I'm so desperately needed someone who can help me out.
[QUOTE=original sin;269690]Katie, just want you to know you not the only one.
I'm far worst. My hubby n I making love once year.
Am so horney. I don't wanna hurt/ cheat him and damage the relationship because of this issue. I end up with self satisfaction by fingering myself.
I'm so desperately needed someone who can help me out.[/QUOTE]
what kind of help're you looking for miss?
This is not a damned hook up site. Post reported