Well, we seem to have the whole age range on here and long may it so continue.
Obviously as one gets older some of us lose our ability to function on a sexual plane. Some of us however (me included) seem to be in an adolescent time warp and are still as randy as when we first discovered what sex was all about .
Gaining satisfaction is not easy once one is well into retirement. Responsibilities prevent me from joining Gardening Clubs which for my age group are abundant with nubile female pensioners who would be fighting to get at my body.(According to my favourite contributor on here! )
I wonder if any of our elderly members on this site would care to comment?
(Or anybody else for that matter! We all have to get old someday and maybe this could well be a thread which will solve a lot of problems)
Fri, 02/04/2011 - 11:54
#1
Aged Sex.
C'mon, Mau, get a respite nurse for a few hours a week to go plant petunias! You will hace blue-haired beauties clinging to you.
> I wonder if any of our elderly members on this site would care to comment?
(Or anybody else for that matter! We all have to get old someday and maybe this could well be a thread which will solve a lot of problems)
Yup, I recently had a birthday! As the saying goes, "getting old is not so bad--it beats the alternative!"
What problems need be talked about and solved? Please give some examples so we have a direction to go.
One must always keep in mind that older women far outnumber older men and that most older women cannot be bothered with convention - Finally, the situation most men have desired for their entire lives has arrived!
Let us just hope he hasn't taken on more than he can effectively handle.
[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;264772]> I wonder if any of our elderly members on this site would care to comment?
(Or anybody else for that matter! We all have to get old someday and maybe this could well be a thread which will solve a lot of problems)
Yup, I recently had a birthday! As the saying goes, "getting old is not so bad--it beats the alternative!"
What problems need be talked about and solved? Please give some examples so we have a direction to go.[/QUOTE]
You are all undoubtedly well aware of the great novel by DH Lawrence whereby Lady Connie Chatterley has an affair with Mellors, probably the most famous gamekeeper in the world. Lady C's husband, severely disabled, gives her permission to have such an affair to stop her from going mad.
This is my situation, but obviously gender reversed.
So, maybe there are a lot of aged folks whose partners are unable to fulfil a sexual relationship. There is no question of one leaving the other partner, nor is there any desire to abdicate one's responsiblities.
I am of the opinion that I could provide somebody with a worthwhile relationship provided we both know where our boundaries lie.
Does this convey some idea of where I am coming from?
well I am quite young but personaly I am very attracted to older men (but turned off by older women. despite beeing bisexual). But only older men that are still atractive in decent shape still have looks energy vitality. I guess the older guys with dignity not just old run down one foot in the grave guys. i was with an older man a couple of days ago (late 40s allmost 50s). His stamina is not great but his sexual drive was high he was also skilled experianced and fantastic at giveing me pleasure. Our sex is always fantastic Plus he still has a fairly large penis and thats never bad lol. But we do have to keep our sexual exploits abit of a secret as he is worried about what others may think. I personaly could not care less if it botherd people. But there are other reasons not to go into specifics but he is still part of arelationship of sorts so yea. For his sake I keep it to myself.
> For his sake I keep it to myself.
And now several thousand of your new best friends world-wide! :eek:
> i was with an older man a couple of days ago (late 40s allmost 50s). His stamina is not great but his sexual drive was high he was also skilled experianced and fantastic at giveing me pleasure.
There is a trade off, and you have just learned what the other side of the equation is like. Pure sex when you are young is one thing; pure sex when you are older is quite another. (Don't knock it until you get there. As the saying goes: there is nothing like age and experience. You young bucks take note and learn well over the next several years.)
[QUOTE=Brandye;264763]C'mon, Mau, get a respite nurse for a few hours a week to go plant petunias! You will have blue-haired beauties clinging to you.[/QUOTE]
I am chuckling to myself musing over a latter-day 'Mrs Slocombe' of 'Are You Being Served' finding her way into my bed. She had many rinses, and blue was one of the less bedazzling colour! All the colours of the rainbow were part of her repertoire!!
I shall take your advice one of these days Brandye!
[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;265002]> For his sake I keep it to myself.
And now several thousand of your new best friends world-wide! :eek:
> i was with an older man a couple of days ago (late 40s allmost 50s). His stamina is not great but his sexual drive was high he was also skilled experianced and fantastic at giveing me pleasure.
There is a trade off, and you have just learned what the other side of the equation is like. Pure sex when you are young is one thing; pure sex when you are older is quite another. (Don't knock it until you get there. As the saying goes: there is nothing like age and experience. You young bucks take note and learn well over the next several years.)[/QUOTE]
lol lucky for me i dont know anyone on here face to face. And never gave names anyways heh. But yes his experiance is very valuable he really knows to treat girl.
[QUOTE=jessica roy;265013]lol lucky for me i dont know anyone on here face to face. And never gave names anyways heh. But yes his experiance is very valuable he really knows to treat girl.[/QUOTE]
Well, Jessica, you are surely hitting the nail on the head here. This is really what relationships are about. I am sure the way we treat each other is the basis on which the sexual relationship is founded.
Actually nearly three years ago I did have an extremely positive relationship but alas the dear lady lived too far away for regular conjugal meetings. She was a most kindly lady and the sex was really really exciting. However, she did find a gentleman who was more freely available than I and has since generated an extremely fine relationship. For her I am extremely pleased.
I have considered some 'booty sex' but alas there are no ways of finding such a partner, and in any case, I do want someone to whom I can relate and be a good friend to. It is not simply a case of "Wham Bam Thankyou Ma'am!"
I've known of a retired man who had permission to have sex with another woman every once in a while, since his wife was severely ill. But that arrangement was more of a "Wham Bam Thankyou Ma'am!". It was never talked about who the lady was. It was just clear when he went there; dressing up in a nice suit and putting on a bit of cologne.
I'm not sure I understand the question in this thread... Apart from that I can imagine the LadyC-reversed-situation and that finding a lady may be not so easy. When you find a lady, I think it should be clear what the idea is; really clear. I recently saw the movie "Shopgirl" in which there is a scene that nicely shows how two people have totally different views on the relationship and that only becomes clear to them over time. You see this sorta thing happening a lot in every day life: expectations that do not meet (just not displayed in a short summary :))
Of course there is a way of finding such ladies, mau. Simply get in touch with your local Swing/Lifestyle group.
I'm not sure I understand the question in this thread... Apart from that I can imagine the LadyC-reversed-situation and that finding a lady may be not so easy. When you find a lady, I think it should be clear what the idea is; really clear. I recently saw the movie "Shopgirl" in which there is a scene that nicely shows how two people have totally different views on the relationship and that only becomes clear to them over time. You see this sorta thing happening a lot in every day life: expectations that do not meet (just not displayed in a short summary :))[/QUOTE]
I am sorry RR if I have not explained the question in the thread too well. I suppose that there are two aspects to it.
Firstly there is the general aging problem when one partner retains the urge to have sex and the other does not. Then we have the second case where maybe there is severe illness or disability which prevents the one partner from indulging in sex.
I have tried various ways to find a sexual partner, but not yet found the regular situation you speak of with the guy who spashed the cologne when he was off to do the deed!
The no-go areas are the so-called contact-sites. What a waste of money are they. A pure con!
I don't know the lady he went to, could be she got paid for it... I can understand your preference for a friendship with benefits. I guess EEK's advice would be a worth a shot!
I can relate to your questions in a certain way... Since I am in a LAT-relationship with a man who is significantly older than I am and chronically ill. His sexual desire has been dropping, at the same pace of his healthtroubles increasing, and his sexual interest even flatlined for the past months. We've discussed our sexual wishes in the beginning of the relationship and at the time sexual commitment suited both of our needs. I've been asked by others why I don't discuss a new set-up of the relationship with him, so that I could seek for sexual gratification elsewhere. This I do find a healthy solution. And I would, were it not for a tiny personal problem:
I do have sexual needs, but I just don't feel the "wanting" for other men (or women for that matter). It's not about sexual morals, just the desire that's missing. Even when someone shows sexual interest in me, it doesn't light my fire. Sometimes I think I'm getting better at bearing it... But honestly it makes me want to shoot them at times:rolleyes:. I hate those that immediately display shallow interest in my body instead of me. I much dislike those who suddenly turn a good conversation towards sex and flirting. I guess the only kind I like is the joking-around type of flirting, which is innocent and meaningless and never gets anywhere for real LOL:D. I'm a bit weird in the sexual-dating-department, I must confess :o Would I be just a little bit more regular, than such conversation between me and him would have taken place.
You have sexual needs and yet and yet and yet - you're not fulfilling them and those who express an interest are met with scorn - "shallow" you call them - well, DUH!! You don't give them a decent chance to get to know you so what do you expect. They talk to you find they like you (enough) and turn the chat to flirt and you go all cold on them. The only kind of flirt you like is that which isn't going to go anywhere anyway. Why should anyone even bother making the attempt?
What are you waiting for? Grand Romance? Sweep off your feet Passion? Fairytales?
Or haven't you gotten your mind wrapped around the concept that sex as play is not only good for you but is just as legitimate as sex as an expression of your love for another?
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;265131]What are you waiting for? Grand Romance? Sweep off your feet Passion? Fairytales?[/quote]
What I want is respectfull conduct. And for a reason I don't understand many lose this dignity while on the hunt... A conversation tells me certain qualities; is he rushing? Can he listen? Does he understand "no" and "stop" as answers? Can he talk to my face and keep his focus? Can he be "real" instead of faking his interest? Can he follow the flow instead of following the guidelines of his how-to-date-book (or his buddies tips on how to get her in my bed asap)? What I look for when it comes to sex are about the same qualities.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;265131]You have sexual needs and yet and yet and yet - you're not fulfilling them and those who express an interest are met with scorn - "shallow" you call them - well, DUH!! You don't give them a decent chance to get to know you so what do you expect. They talk to you find they like you (enough) and turn the chat to flirt and you go all cold on them. The only kind of flirt you like is that which isn't going to go anywhere anyway. Why should anyone even bother making the attempt?[/quote]
I always am polite, how annoyed/angry/scared I may be. And more firm to my declines when I need to (esp those I call shalow seem to have a hard time to listen and take no for an answer ;)). Funny thing I realise now; though I've never dated or went looking for it, I've been in such situations many times. I may be considered cold, but that's simply because I wasn't hot to start with. Messing up the flow of the conversation won't get me warm... Confusing to others may be that in one way or another, no-one has ever interested me sexually by simple physical appearance. Nor do I vallue gifts or suck-ups or overly romantic efforts that are nor sincere. I did not chose to be this way. I do not take pride in it. Sexual attraction through physical appearance is natural and I don't know what that makes me... It does make me someone that may be considered weird to some and mysterious to others.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;265131]Or haven't you gotten your mind wrapped around the concept that sex as play is not only good for you but is just as legitimate as sex as an expression of your love for another?[/QUOTE]
I know I can feel sexually attracted to someone (though for years I've seriously doubted this, so frankly I'm happy to state this :)). i figure that when I can feel this with one, it is possible with others. It just takes other triggers and a bit more time to get to know eachother. And perhaps even possible without romantic love, though I think I will always need somekind of loving connection (which may be friendship). In my mind the two have always been disconnected. But from the moment I had sex I felt a deep emotional connection, even spiritual, whether I liked it or not. Which perhaps isn't that strange after all there is a sense of trust and being physically together so closely is bound to have emotional impact (just looking at the psychologigal concept of personal space). And since sex makes you high on endorphines, spiritual enlightment could be explained ;) Sex also makes me feel vulnerable and in such situations bonding is needed. Another challenge for me would be to seperate sex and babies (those have been connected for as long as I can remember ;)) Cause as so many times stated on this forum; whenever a penis goes near a vagina there is a chance of pregnancy.
Red Roses - I am sorry you are in this situation and I admire your giving it diligent and careful thought. Forgive my asking, but is your partner really aware of your predicament? In my case, my wife is not and I would not have it any other way. Nevertheless, to ask me to do without sex is like asking me to go without food. It is a basic need.
Nil desperandum. Thanks for all the comments. Good to know I am not on my own!
My predicament? As in: difficult situation? (sorry, at times I need a dictionary ;)).
Your wife is not aware that it causes you trouble? Or is she not aware you want to find fulfillment of your needs elsewhere?
My bf knows it's very hard on me that we are not intimate. He also is aware of the fact that I've never felt sexual desire for anyone but him. Which he knows would make it hard to find anyone else to fulfill my sexual needs. I wouldn't know what he'd think about it, if I would, it seems too hypothetical to even discuss it... It would feel like asking him: how would you feel about living on the moon? LOL! ;) And he's off course aware of my sexual history that makes me who I am. We've actually talked about it recently (again), since I had to go through my sexual history with my counselor, which was extremely emotional. Such sessions makes it a bit like reliving... My bf is still amazed of how I've blossomed. And he's sorry that he lately isn't contributing anymore to letting me be a vibrantly sexual woman.
What he does do is try to make his contribution in me finding my own ways to please myself. My sexuality has budded and blossomed in the relationship with him and that is wonderful, but it also made it something that's fused with him and not really "my own" sexuality. I've been rather experimental with masturbation lately. I think I'll walk a bit more down that road first...
I am very sure there are more people out there like you, Mau. It's just that they all will have different stories :)
RR- how very odd to be sure. I am always treated with both respect and circumspection.
EEK, maybe you and I attract different types... I imagine you as a very confident lady that guys will know not to mess with (just the second you walk into the room). While a dear colleague and friend of mine describes me as having innocent looks, but a strong mind and razorsharp tongue. With which I confuse and even scare, but also charm and enchant people.
Then I'd suggest enchanting and charming men into backing off and behaving themselves as it would do you all the good in the world while not harming him or compromising your principles.
These men are responding to your sexuality after all and biting their heads off only leads one to think that you're not happy with your sexuality - that the threat is not from the men without but from your sexuality within.
Thank him very much and ask him for his business card then tell him that you'll keep his card on file for when you are in the hunt. Shake his hand and say it was nice meeting him.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;265094]Of course there is a way of finding such ladies, mau. Simply get in touch with your local Swing/Lifestyle group.[/QUOTE]
I don't mean to derail the thread, but what is the best way for a single guy to join a swing/lifestyle group?
Mmm, looks like this sex business is difficult for all of us. It ain't simply a matter of a bit of anatomical knowledge.:confused:
Clean your act up. Mind your manners. Talk to people!
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;265352]Clean your act up. Mind your manners. Talk to people![/QUOTE]
I do those things already :D. It's just that after all of the research I've done online about the lifestyle, it seems to me that most swing groups and/or couples don't seem to want the company of single men :(. Or is this not the case?
LOL - single men are mostly welcome.
Ok. Thank you:cool: