Hi everyone I am new here but would like to ask some advice if I may.
I am in a sexual relationship with a man who like me is in his 40's The problem is this.
We are very sexually excited by each other but he has a problem ejaculating. The problem began because once he has climaxed, he no longer feels that sexy and so to prolong sex, over the years he has withheld cumming himself to continue foreplay. This is great as I can enjoy multiple climaxes and we really enjoy love making. But he finds it now more and more difficult to cum at all.
He gets to the point of climax but can't release it. He say's it doesnt bother him, but I think deep down it maybe does. Does anyone else have this problem and can it be overcome?
Thanks
Tammy--this is not uncommon in older men, we often find it more and more difficult reaching climax, just the opposite problem we had in our 20's! Sometimes it really doesn't matter all that much to us--in fact, sometimes the endless arousal without release can actually be a delicious torture in a way. BUT, eventually, every man has got to ejaculate, perhaps not every time, but at some point. For me, that can happen if I let her do all the work and it's basically just "my turn" for enjoyment. Plenty of oral and manual stimulation often does the trick, especially if we're not concentrating at all on her pleasure, but just mine. However, despite all of our efforts, sometimes I still cannot finish with her and must finish myself. Nothing wrong with letting the guy finish himself off--in fact, when I had this problem with my late wife, she'd get so turned on while I was masturbating to climax, she'd begin to finger herself and often cum when I did! It turned us both on and ended up a win-win situation. If it's okay with him, believe it when he says it's okay. Just make sure your lines of communication are open enough so that you are both getting what you need.
To restate slightly mikkiji's excellent response, as men age they often require more direct and intense stimulation to get over the top. Although this is not yet "geriatric sex," some of the ideas we suggest to elderly are more digital play and more oral sex. After beginning vaginally, it often requires hands and mouth get him there.
You sound like a cooperative partner, give it a try! Over time, his response may get rewired to allow normal vaginal ejaculation.
Thankyou for your replies, we do not have a conventional relationship, it being long distance and therefore do not have sex as much as we would like but this problem even occurs when he masturbates.
As for stimulation, Oral play is not a problem for us as this is my thing.. I love it and it so happens he enjoys recieving it, this often gets him to the point and I often feel the beginnings of him cumming but then it just doesnt quite tip into a release. He will then often go a little soft but can be stimulated to erection again. I never comment if he goes soft after this point, I just initiate something else for a while then come back a few minutes later.
I was just hoping it wasnt a known medical problem,,, I was also wondering if maybe anal stimulation might be helpful. It is not something that he has tried before but I really enjoy it and it gives me very intense orgasm and I ahve heard that in males it is more so.. any thoughts?
This is a known problem. A small vibe applied just behid the scrotum can help. More stimulation can help. Lots of things can help inclufing increasing his sensitivity by 'being mean' to him - teasing, using your fingernails, using your teeth - just to heighten the sense of "danger". YES, men get more from anal than women do- by far! Just slide that vibe a bit further back.