My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months now. I was a virigin when I met him, even though he was not. He tends to let sex consume him- watching porn, or having sex with people he doesn' care about.
Although we didn't have sex, we were VERY active, and I always tried whatever he suggested. But he also seems to be addicted to porn. He watches porn quite often, and is never happy about it. He has called me crying, really upset that he watches porn, but says he can't stop. He has even watched porn titled as "rape." I know he gets upset, so I chose to respond supportivly, instead of getting upset with him as well.
Finally, I broke down. I told him his porn habit really upsets me. I understand he looks at other women, but I feel he should be able to hold off if he is going to see me the next day, or if we have just been active. He got really upset, because he says he hates that he looks at it, and has tried to stop so many times, but can't, so now he just does it.
We had sex for the first time 2 days ago, and it was truly a beautiful experience. Yesterday we did it again, and then today he told me he looked at porn. (but again, didn't really want to)
am I wrong to be upset? I've tried to work through it and be supportive, but the day after we have sex (for the second time) he needs to watch porn? and if he doesn't understand why I am upset, and gets angry, should I even bother to tell him anymore?
I don't really have an answer for this, but I can refer you to http://www.no-porn.com/, a site dedicated to helping people overcome pornography addictions. One thing you two can consider is getting content-control software (yep, the kind parents use on their kids).
I gotta caution you though, don't do anything about this behind his back (e.g. checking up on him, etc. without his knowledge). It will only torture you to know and not be able to say anything, and further erode trust between you. If you have a concern, say it to him (as you did).
Also, there have been people posting on here before, asking about ways to quit their porn addictions. Check it out with the forum search function.
And don't blame yourself! What you will and won't try sexually and how often you guys get together has nothing to do with excusing him from this. There are zillions of guys out there whose girlfriends say "no" to ka-jillions of things they would like to do, but who don't decide they have to watch porn because of it. If he's addicted, whatever he's getting from porn keeps him coming back, regardless of what he's getting from you.
I too (was) addicted to porn. Early in my relationship with my wife, (28 years now) I wasn't. As time went on, I got more and more addicted to it.
The real problem with being addicted was, there was NO way my wife would ever compare to "those" girls and I didn't realize that. It seriously affected our relationship because she was not the way I expected or wanted her to be. I wanted her to do the things "they" were doing and the more I wanted it, the more distant she got.
I grew up thinking that girls always wanted sex and were adamant about getting it just like in the movies! Man was I wrong! When we were first married we were unstopable! But as time went on, everything in a relationship balances out. I attempted to keep our sex lives from balancing out with porn and trying to get her to do "new" things, and it nearly ruined our relationship! (There IS a time and place for everything!)
Later in our relationship, we have relaxed our expectations and we have been known to "learn" a few things from porn, but not much. My wife and I like "soft" porn, or "medium" porn, (if it can be called that). But anything hard core is out of the question. "Depravity" is the only word that comes to mind when looking at the covers of most porn videos.
I believe that your boyfriend MUST understand that most porn is only "hollywood" and not real life. This goes for photos, (Playboy...) and videos. He needs to know that it may, (or may not), offend you, but regardless you could never compete with them, or duplicate "them" at least to that level. EVEN IF you are very playful and willing to try new things, you could never compare to the perpetual and constant lifestyle as if your life were a porn movie. I don't presume to know how you are, but no woman can keep up with 24/7 sex as we are willingly, or unwillingly bombarded with it .
You can be supportive of him without going from one extreme to the other. Try not to allow (right word)? him to saturate himself in porn, nor denying him entirely. Since he is already involved with porn, doing that could only damage the relationship. He has to be "weened" off of it if he is that deep into it. Cutting him off entirely could only cause other problems.