Hi,
My husband and I are 27, and still virgins. It probably sounds pathetic; but we've been married 3 weeks and though we've tried to have sex, we just haven't been able to get it in.
I'd never used tampons or even been fingered before. But over the past 2 weeks, I've been sliding my finger in just to stretch out a little and it hasn't hurt too bad or anything. But when my husband tries to insert his finger in, it hurts like a b$##$.
We've tried to have sex at least 7-8 times, but he either slips out or it just doesn't hit the mark. It did once actually, I think about an inch and a half of his penis went into me, but he pulled out 'coz I screamed. After that, it's been hours of trying different positions, foreplay, lots of lube, torches and mirrors.... everything but sex! What are we doing wrong? I dont' tense my muscles, i'm lubricated enough... but we just cannot figure out the simple mechanics of putting his penis into my vagina properly!
Help! At this rate, I'm gonna be the only 27 year old married virgin in the world!
Tam.
Well, no, there was a thirty year old married woman recently who raised the same issue after years of marriage. Sounds like vaginismus. You can check that out in detail on webmd or other sites.
Many women experience this at a lesser level. Many here who express difficulty "getting it in" are probably less severe cases of vaginismus. What is happening is that as the penis approached, many of your muscles are tightening up. You can do it yourself but the outside "threat" is causing an autonomic reaction. It is quite possible that sex therapy will be required. Generally, a combination of relaxation exercises and stretching exercise, as you are doing, would be used.
My suspicion is that sex therapy would be very helpful. There is much for you to learn and you may as well get a comprehensive education on how that part of you works. Most sex therapists will require that you have had a complete gyn exam. Most gyn's have encountered this problem and will have a working relationship with someone to help. You husband needs to be helpful and supportive, too.
But if I do have vaginismus, would I not feel my muscles tightening up? I dont' feel that at all.... infact I feel very relaxed. Could my muscles tighten without me being aware of it?
Tam.
i think you can... i had the same problem, and had my current boyfriend not been sexually active before and be a little more forceful (which i wanted.. in order to get the job done) i would still be a virgin. i dont notice the fact that i am tense. i feel completely relaxed. after he tries to get in and it starts hurting then i am frustrated.. which probly doesnt help. but when we try to have sex i am more than relaxed and ready. my sex drive is way to high for this to be happening.