*points to the edit button*

Thanks, Mike. I'm going to go bang my head and have a rest now...

Bewitching, hun the main poster didn't say nothing about a condom, or her saying anything about a condom? if they did i missed it.. but it is also his decision, not just hers. goes both ways

Jamie

[QUOTE=Quote (Bewitching @ Dec. 17 2003,01:33)]It's not HIS decision, it's HER decision to have sex with a condom, and a VERY WISE decision, i might add.[/QUOTE]
Methinks you're in the wrong thread.

EDIT OUT!
(again, i'm REAL sorry guys for those who read previously).

Thanks, Kev!

You are a lucky guy, that is some straight up top quality posts you got there from BeWitching.

I know i would hate to be with a girl who's had 50 inside her, but i mean 50 times, with like one or two guys ain't that bad, especially if you love her, then it's worth it, if she loves you, she wants you, not them, she loves you then she'll remember your times you had together, not the old ones.

Kev.

First, let me say, that when you are getting ready to have sex for the first time, there are no stupid questions.  And concern about sexual history is smart.  But no matter how many times- 1 or 50- the people involved shoud USE A CONDOM.

Beyond that, you should know what the ground rules are.  Is this a one time thing? Do you BOTH want it to be a serious relationship?  How do you truly feel about each other?

The more you know about how you feel and what you want, and how she feels and what she wants, the better the final decision will be.  Don't feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to do.  But don't let inconsequentials keep you from enjoying what should be a great experience.

I recently had sex for the first time with a girl that has a similar history. I haven't ever asked her "how many times" because i think the number might scare me, but i know she has been around from what she tells me. I didn't exactly know this before my first time with her, and i think knowing it may have changed my decision, but then again, maybe not. When the time came and we talked about it, i knew (in the moment) that it was right. Unfortunately now, as i think back about it, i sometimes wonder if i will regret it if i ever end up breaking up with her, finding another person - preferably one who has a more sacred view of sex - and becoming intimate with them. These are the things I worry about, but I really can't change the fact that I have had sex now so i really shouldn't. I know this is a lot of random info to decipher, but i hope it helps you make your decision.

Nurse Naddy has bought forward quite a positive response, thumbs up!

Ofcourse we're all going to have out own opinion, but it's the opinions from all of us that will head sh_2000_ca, hopefully in the right direction.

Just after reading Nurse Naddy's post, it made me think a little more about life itself.  

Maybe the woman you are with has finally discovered her true self and through her experience, she knows she is ready to change her life for the best and she knows just what she wants out of it.  Maybe you are one of those things she'd love as a part of her life to make her happy.  Maybe she truely is in love with you and feels for you like no-other before. People really do do some stupid things, as Nurse Naddy confessed, so maybe she's woken up to herself, unlike a lot of people do, and now she's ready to show the world her real inner self.

Good luck!

Acceptance of things in other people's lives can often be a difficult thing. However, I like to look at if from different angles.

I have been through a lot of difficult times in my life and done a lot of things that I hate admitting to, but the truth is, they make me who I am today and that is a wonderful caring sweet smart person.

It is experiences in our lives that make us and that allow us to make ourselves who we are.

Try focussing not on the fact that she has been with someone else, but how has this changed her? What was she like before? What did she gain from it? Do you love who she is as a person right now? Why is she that way....

Just some food for thought.....

[QUOTE=Quote (Nurse Naddy @ Dec. 09 2003,17:21)]I'm a big believer in following your heart and your intuition, if you are unsure, then perhaps you aren't really ready yet.[/QUOTE]
i agree with that as well.

like i said..i talked myself out of it a lot but it always came back to the point that i couldn't imagine losing it to anyone else...and that's how i knew i was ready.

I'm a big believer in following your heart and your intuition, if you are unsure, then perhaps you aren't really ready yet. What is it that makes you not sure?

Has she had sex more than 50 times with one or two guys, or has she had sex with more than 50 guys? The difference is great and hugely depends on what feels right or wrong.  Other factors include what your current age is, also, and what you like to do.  Other factors i have included below.

I can totally understand how you feel, you dont want to be entering a woman who's had 50 other penises inside her.  Sorry if i sound harsh, but that's how i feel about it, only in reverse.  It really is a terrible thought and brings about a lot of emotion within, especially cuz you feel as though you could never meet the standards the other men have lived up to..........or so you think.  Do you feel this way at all?  

I know when i first started going out with my man, he told me everyone called his ex "Britney" cuz she looked like britney spears.  That killed me, literally.  How was i supposed to meet up with the standards of the Britney? I'm talking body and all!  Not to mention she was a lot more sexually experienced through their relationship compared to myself who was still a virgin.  

You really have to think about whether you want this woman to be the "special" one for you, or whether you feel as though it's too much "Lust" rather than "Love".  It also depends on how long you have been together and who has been enforcing the situation the most.

How long ago was it since your gf had sex? That's another thing to consider, because if it really wasn't that long ago, she could be emphasizing her feelings for you to get what she wants.  Now, i REALLY REALLY DON'T want to put negative comments on your girl, but these are the things you have to think about.  Women these days can be pretty out of control and be, what my mates call it, a CHF (Constant Head F*%ker).  Women will always love attention, no matter who its from, and if they know they've won a man over, many will take advantage of the situation in the wrong way.

You have to answer to your instincts (gut feeling).  Do you feel as though you should wait to find that special woman who's a virgin?  There's no harm in waiting, either, there's plenty of virgin women out there and i'm more than sure that there's one to fit your socks.  

Just remember, there's never any rush!  If you honestly feel as though you and the woman you're with are meant to be together and you want to lose your virginity to HER, then that's how its meant to be.  But there's always ways of waiting a while.  Being a guy, i'm sure it's quite hard to, especially when the offer's there, but if you learn to control your cravings and yourself you really will become the best lover she's ever had. And also, if she really loves you that much, she will have NO HESITATION in waiting as long as it takes.  Just remember, she told you the out-right truth.  However, should you find out she's a little more "out there" than that (eg. way more than 50) you should really reconsider, as the key to a great relationship is trust, and lying is one of the worst forms of breaking that trust.

Just make sure you have all your facts straight, write em down if it helps, too.  Great communication is also THE KEY to a great relationship, so i feel you have to talk to her personally and ask her questions that are on your mind.  However, remember to address them with great care as a woman's emotions are very fragile, and she may end up brining up something she wished she never remembered.  However, should she do this, this will prove to you she is ready to open up to you, forget the past and move on.  Put the puzzle together and rethink at that moment "Am i ready.....for THIS woman in particular? Do i want to lose my virginity to THIS woman??".  You should know the answer after doing so.  IF you are still in doubt, then it really means that you're not 100% positive about losing it to this woman.  Make sure that your feelings are 100% positive!

it's really up to you. no one can make you decide but you.

i must have talked myself out of it about 50 zillion times...but it always came back to the fact that i wanted him to be my first. i couldn't imagine myself losing it to someone besides him. granted, he is the only guy right now and actually the only guy i've ever had any kind of feelings for whatsoever. i've never had a boyfriend, i've never been on a date with him or anyone but there's just some kind of connection between us. whether it is just a sexual spark between us that may soon fade or whether it may develop into something more is something only time will tell.
i knew he wasn't a virgin and he's probably been with more people than i care to know about (since he is a fair amount older than me) but i still wanted him to be my first. i wouldn't say i'm in love with him cause first off, i'm not sure what love is. as i stated i've never had a boyfriend or anything and him being the first of like everything is something new to me. and i don't think love is where either of us want to be right now and that would just complicate a bunch of more stuff but i do know that i trusted him enough to be my first. i always trusted him enough to be my first but one thing that really made me decide (as stupid as this may sound) was when i brought it up to him he was very sincere when he said "i'd love to be your first" and proceeded to be concerned if this was truly what i wanted and that i was sure about this and how i wanted to do it. and he was always concerned about that all the way from oct 11 when i told him, to this past saturday when i lost my virginity to him. and he even made sure right before he well, put it in there. lol.

i personally don't believe you have to be in love with someone to have sex with them. i believe there has to be an issue of trust above anything else.

so to me, the thing you have to ask yourself is do you trust her?
do you trust her enough to not just make you another notch in her tally of guys she's slept with?
do you trust her enough to not just run off afterwards?

and you also have to be able to read between lines.
you may love her with all your heart but she may only be saying that she loves you back so she can sleep with you.
i'm not always the best reader in the world when it comes to people, but i knew my guy was sincere by the tone of his voice and by the look in his eyes and his concern in his eyes and voice when he was asking me about him being my first and how he'd love to be it.

Ultimately you have to decide.

Are you ready to have sex?  (accept the risk of pregnancy, emotional baggage, etc)

If yes:

Do you really love this girl?
Do you want her to be your first?

When considering that, is she going to view things in the same light as you?  I say this because she's been with 50+ guys- if say, you view sex as a serious thing connecting the two of you, she may just see it as meaningless fun.  This will lead to problems.

I'd think long and hard on it.  Good luck.

Its your decision