Wow i didn't get to read the whole thing cuz i got bored but i got the gist of it. I think you are rushing yourself too fast. You have to figure out what you want instead of just going out there and doing stuff. I think you felt guilty cuz that is not what you want and you know it and also you somehwere deep inside wanna treat these woman with repect and be in a decsent relationship but you don't cuz you don't think you deserve it. You need to be with someone who will be there for you and take time with you. You feel guilty i think because yyou push yourselve beyond your limits and you throw up cuz you feel so guilty and wrong sex is not a bad thing but it is if you don't respect yourself. I think you are very insecure and you will do anything to make a girl happy but you are not happy so fix that and then please someone that really loves you and knows how ready you are and is patient and loving with how you feel at a certain time.
Hope i helped
Sarah
Message me back if you want
