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For me, personally, one huge killer of a bj or hj is friction. *I'm not sure about other guys, but the skin on the shaft of my penis is stretchy and freely mobile even when my penis is erect. *When I masturbate, I never move the skin of my hand over the skin of my penis. *Instead, I use the skin of my penis to massage the underlying tissue.
Girls don't seem to do that when they're using their hands - they seem to move their hand up and down over the penile skin. *Not only is this minimally stimulating*, it actually hurts when done without lube. *Using this method also allows more circumferential pressure to be applied to the shaft, which is always good.
If my explanation wasn't good enough, you might understand better with an example. *Extend your left index finger straight out (it will be the penis in the example). *Now, with the tip of your right index finger, wiggle the skin above the left finger's middle knuckle. *See how you can move the skin without moving the bone underneath? *Basically, you're rubbing your left finger bone with the underside of the skin on your left finger. *Meanwhile, the skin of your left finger never moves in relation to the skin on your right finger.
The skin on the penis is much more mobile than that on the knuckle, and moving it up and down (rather than moving your hand up and down over it) should really reduce the friction and increase the pleasure of using your hand.
* There is one caveat to my statement that playing with the skin of the shaft is minimally stimulating. *When very close to orgasm, squeezing or stretching the small mass of skin just below the head on the ventral (scrotal) side of the penis (almost like you'd squeeze or stretch an ear lobe) can put me over the top.
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