So here is the situtuation. I met my current girlfriend about 8 months ago at a party, we were all over eachother with everything but sex for the first month. then we had sex, and it didn't go great. But the problem now lies with satisfying her. (like nearly every other topic on this board)
Here is some background. She is my third sexual partner (my first two were not relationships but merely "****-buddies"), and i'm the second person she's had sex with (her first time was 2 months before meeting me). However she also had a long term BF that was christian so he didn't want sex, but everything else. We both masturbate regularly and are very open with eachother. She can make herself orgasm however the christian BF is the only guy thats given one to her and it was through fingering.
The problem is a combination of things. I can't hold "it" long enough and she can't get "it". I have read a most of the topics on the main page and have a few idea's i'd like to try but i'm looking for more.
She complains that if i try "the squeeze" before i cum, it just gets her out of the mood, and if i pause its the same thing. We've tried "extended pleasure" condoms and they don't work for us. I've masturbated before hand to try and desensitize myself for the round with her, but it still doesn't work. We both like it better without a condom, and that seems to be the only way i can get her close. but i last even less time.
Of course you will suggest foreplay. I've tried. I love goin' down however i find i can only do it for max 10minutes. She only likes one finger and i 'think' i've found the g-spot but nothing seems to do it. We've used a vibrator and i just get bored. The one time she did cum it took over an hour of constant vibrator use. She says even when she's alone she takes a while, but when she's infront of me it takes longer. she doesn't like rubbing herself infront of me which i want her to do to show me exactly what she likes but she shy's away from it.
As for me lasting longer, i find that if we switch positions it gives me the break i need, but it just takes away from her. If we are missonary and i'm am steadily thrusting at a rate that makes her happy i can maybe last 1:30-2minutes. The kicker is i never had this problem before. I could last 15-30minutes, but i attribute that to the fact that i was normally drunk, or that i wasn't in any sort of relationship with the girls.
Like i said we are both really open with eachother so i will have no problems bringing anything up with her. Any suggestions? (I know that was a long rant and very disorganized but i'm pretty sure i got it all)
It sounds like you are facing a few sexual problems, so there is no simple solution.
For one, you need to relax. Are you secure with her? I mean, if the sex didn't improve, are you still sure of the strength of your relationship? This needs to be strong before the sex will get better.
Some tips: If she can't wait a few seconds for you to stop, then she is being stubborn. Take your time; do what you can.
Can she masturbate herself to reach climax? If so, let her do it using your hand. This will allow you to understand the pressure and position of masturbating her.
You can get more than a finger in; use lube and be gentle. She can handle it I'm sure.
If you're worried about not lasting long enough, try cumming quickly when you start then having sex immediatly upon becoming erect again. This allows me to be desensitized enough to go for a very long session.
To me, she sounds rather tense, or perhaps shy. The sex you describe doesn't seem as comfortable as sex should be.
We are pretty secure. The situation frustrates both of us but it never effects the rest of our relationship. We've survived through two University final exam sessions, which were probably the single most stressfull things i've done in my life, and i was practically living with her at the time.
I was goin' to mention the "hand in hand" masturbation thing to her. I read it somewhere else. But like i said when she's infront of me it takes a long time.
I've fit more than a finger in before and she said it felt good, but only for a while. Its not really something that effects us.
I like the idea of going again after cumming quickly but she seems to be less interested. Like we will spend lots of time working up, with lots of foreplay, taking it slow, but to then all of a sudden stop for like 5-10minutes. She tends to wander, and i get sleepy. I am thinking that what i need to do is go untill i'm close to cumming then stop and start oral, untill i'm ready to go. Repeat as necessary sort of thing.
I also read that if you use the pausing method for extended periods (6weeks+) it can gradually extend the lenght of your first go around. I think that would be another good option for me. We both are patient and realize it could take some time.
You are right, she is shy. Getting her to open up can be hard sometimes, but now that she knows me it she tells me what ever is on her mind.