My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 1 month and we've already encountered alot of adversity due to the fact that he is 4 yrs older than I am. We have messed around a bit but are perfectly comfortable just laying in bed and talking about us and what we want for each other. He's kinda inexperienced and his ex was a complete bitch about everything and I'm a completely off the wall kind of person and I'm showing him a different time but its weird because he is the older one in the relationship and I feel like i should be more submissive. We don't want to rush into sex but we have no inhibitions as far as not being comfortable with each other so our make-out sessions tend to get a little heated and he's not comfortable recieving blow-jobs from me even though I'm fine with it. He's also different for me because he isn't one of the think with their dicks kinda guys and thats completely opposite of what I've had before. Does anyone have any advice or examples that could help us?
Wed, 05/24/2006 - 00:22
#1
4 yr age difference
"I feel like i should be more submissive"
why? i am dominant in our relationship and that is how he likes it. he was in a simular situation and it took awhile for him to be confertable with everything. you dont have to be submissive just concous of his feelings and needs. learn to read him his body language and tone of voice can tell you alot about how is feeling. just dont push to hard. it took us about 5 months before we were confertable. what ever you do make sure he is fine with it and there are no regrets on either end.
> My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 1 month and we've already encountered alot of adversity....
Communication is the cornerstone to having a successful relationship. It sounds like the two of you are talking, but are you talking about those aspects of your relationship that will define and shape it?
At one month and counting, your relationship is still in the infatuation stage. If you are having unresolved problems so soon, then you either need to take a look at how the two of you are managing it, or, move on.
> he is 4 yrs older than I am.
This in and of itself may or may not be a problem. At 16/20; 18/22, it very likely will be because the people are at different stages of maturity and life experiences. At 20/24 the gap closes; at 24/28, the man and woman are pretty much equal. Above 30, the gap can widen more and more as the individuals age.
> he is the older one in the relationship and I feel like i should be more submissive.
Traditionally, this may be true, although since the sexual revolution in the '60s, the times they are a changin'. Your respective rolls are what the two of you work out and become comfortable with. As a Ballroom dancer I come up against this all the time with woman who attend dances and wait to be asked, and, sometimes go home without dancing or having danced once or twice. My reply to them and my new students is that if you are at a place where dancing is the main purpose, then it is OK to ask a man to dance. If you do not, then you are at the mercy of the luck of the draw. Guys may simply not notice you, or, have a chance to ask you first. It is often a numbers game. So, if you wanna dance--ask. The same goes for your relationship. If you want something--ask. If you want to be the initiator of a romantic encounter, then grab the bull by his proverbial horns and show him a good time as often as you want.
> he's not comfortable recieving blow-jobs from me even though I'm fine with it.
Do you know why? Have you discussed the matter at a time when the two of you are not being romantic? The reason could be anything from shyness, nervousness, to a lack of technique that with some work can be fixed. You need information from him on this, not us, except when it comes to any possible fix.
Please do some fact finding and get back to us.
so whats the deal ? firstly you hav'nt stated your age. I rather fancy a girl that is almost three years younger than me and has had a boyfriend whereas I have not had a girlfriend and that is no problem to me. whos is the adversity coming from, and if you find a guy that thinks with his head and not his dick then you've found a trreasure (like I am lol). so good luck
i'm 16 and he's 20. My parents are hesitant and its also probably illegal. Yea he doesn't think with his dick but i know that he doesn't act on his thoughts very well either. As for the bj thing he just hasn't had one before and prolly thinks its super degrading for women. He is big on respect for women.
well then it looks like you may have a nice thing with time perhaps your parents will accept him, try to give him confidence in himself although ultimately he must aquire it.
mk thanx!!