if this isnt in the right thread, forgive me.
my bf has hinted and we've talked about having a 3some for some time now...i personally wouldnt have an issue with touching another girl during the act but what stands my hairs on end is HIM screwing HER.
i know this is a normal reaction to sharing someone with someone else but i'd like to try to get over it bc i really want to give this to him. he doesnt ask it on a daily bases and says everytime he does bring it up he feels bad.
is there other ways we can have a 3some (like he having sex with me but another girl being there) or are there ways i can try to overcome my jelousy?
Basically I'm saying I don't feel like I NEED to give it to him...I want to give it to him.
And a part of me, mostly my insecurities as a woman, fears that if I don't then he'll go and cheat. But I know he won't, which is why I say its my insecurities talking.
Because no matter how much a woman thinks herself beautiful, she still has insecurities about almost everything.
If the bloke is willing to have a threesome with another man and yourself ythen I would go ahead with his idea and the other as well.The point of his version of a threesome is you and the other girl never let him have the chance to penetrate. Sorry just woke up and spelling is worse then usual. You two lasses have to take control and give him the time of his life. When it is your turn he and the other he does the same. Now once mentioned to him he will forget about the threesome idea. Let him have a fantasy and agree with what ever he says. Yes him to death. If he has someone in mind then ask him how he knows she is into the whole idea. If he has the answer then something is a rye. Make so he cant keep up with you needless to say two women. Wear him out baby.
Nope, not every guy wants to have a threesome... if he really loves his woman and feels complete with her... and understands intimacy and making love... and respects her feelings and needs for that same intimacy... hates the thought of anything or anyone coming between... did I mention I'm a guy?
Oh, but it's only sex, he says? Okay, here's an alternative for a threesome that might help you overcome what you are calling jealousy. Make the third person a guy.
Understand, the replies are not really about judging your boyfriend... you're right, nobody is perfect. But your assumptions are flawed, and the point is before you rush to "give" something, make sure you know what you are doing, why, and what the outcomes may be.
Ok Wally, so you're saying if this guy loves his woman, respects her, and feels complete with her that he won't want a threesome? Hmm...my girlfriend and I love each other very much, respect each other, we have amazing sex. We've both want threesomes with a woman and with a guy. There's no jealousy in our relationship. My girlfriend knows that I look at women when we are out places, (and I recently discovered that she looks at men also, doesn't bother me) but she also knows that I'm not leaving with them, she notices that I'm still walking with her. Maybe we're just odd. But we have a very open relationship, it's a good thing, it has brought us closer together. Now the couple that we're all talking about, you should look into why you're jealous, are you just insecure, or is it that you just don't want him to **** someone else. Threesomes aren't for everyone.
I completely agree with the last comment. Lass, be very careful not to rush into anything. The major issue you're having with this is that you don't feel comfortable communicating with your boyfriend that you don't like the idea of him being with another girl. That's perfectly normal and as a guy I can't bear the thought of another guy being with my gf. However, if you notice, in the last comment the last guy and his gf are comfortable talking about it and engaging in 3somes.
The point is that you should NOT get into the 3some without telling him how you feel. Additionally, I think you're assuming that he'll look somewhere else if you can't fulfill his fantasy - which is not necessarily true. If he says it is, then fine cuz you saved yourself the pain of repeatedly doing something very painful and you can end it well before that happens. Be careful and be safe, your mental and emotional health is at stake.
I have friends that are swingers and the woman has never been comfortable with her man touching another woman. He totally respects this and whenever they play she gets to have sex with either men or women and her man only touches her. It works for them because it is watching her that does it for him.
I also know you can't fix jealousy. You have to want to do swinging for yourself and not just to please your man. I know this first hand and it can backfire on you big time if you don't want it just as much.
[QUOTE=chaoticnitemares]Ok Wally, so you're saying if this guy loves his woman, respects her, and feels complete with her that he won't want a threesome? [/QUOTE]
Nope, that is absolutely NOT what I said. I was correcting the assumption of the OP that "EVERY" guy wants a threesome and that she is somehow required to "give" him one in spite of how she feels. In so doing, I merely explained that I do not want a threesome, for the reasons I offered.
I also don't think (as you seem to be implying) that an open relationship filled with threesomes "proves" a lack of jealousy and that threesomes suggest the couple is somehow superior to other couples because they can introduce additional partners into their sex lives and have an "open relationship." Jealousy is not necessarily a sign of insecurity and it is not necessarily a negative emotion.
I see no need for Lass to analyze her jealousy (a rather common human emotion) unless it is somehow detrimental to their relationship. Her position is far closer to the "norm" and she does not need to give up that emotion or her own feelings simply because her guy wants a second woman.
That's what I'm saying.
Now I would be very interested in hearing your position on the topic after you and your girlfriend have shared multiple sex partners a few times... looking at people of the opposite sex isn't even close to having a threesome.
we have talked about this. in depth and he knows my feeelings on it but lately, i dont know, ive become more open to the idea because ive come to realize that no matter what may happen, he'll come back to me. but that doesnt mean i still cant get jelouse.
like i said before, its not the fact of me being with another woman...its hum ****** her. and he knows this. he respects that which is why he doesnt bring it up a lot except in a joking manner...and, honestly, lately ive brought it up before him. its not something i feel obligated to give him...and perhaps i am a bit worried that if i dont then he'll go look somewhere else. but that's my insecurities talking.
we've even discuessed the idea that if he gets a 3some with another woman, then i get one with another guy. honestly i have no desire to have this but im up for new things.
tessie...if i could satifsy him enough to just let him ****** me while im doing things to her, i would. we've even discuessed that. he said in the end, it was my dicesion.
shadowlynnparker, I really like that idea. lol.
But no, he doesn't have anybody in mind and I know of someone who normally would do it but she's starting a new relationship and doesn't do that while starting a new relationship (she's a friend of mine and bi-sexual). So if I ever did agree to this, finding someone would be, well, hard.
yes, Brandye, this is the same guy I talk to for hours on end. I just always thought every guy at one point or another either fantazied or wanted a 3some...no man is perfect after all.
You are not jealous. You are simply reacting most women would. Nothing for you to get over. if this is the same guy you talk to for hours on the phone each day, he would have trouble getting it up for a threesome. His problem, not yours.
"...everytime he does bring it up he feels bad."
Aww, poor guy. Everytime he opens his mouth and asks to have sex with another girl along with his gf (who is uncomfortable with it), he feels bad. Poor, poor guy.
[QUOTE=Lass] ...its not something i feel obligated to give him...and perhaps i am a bit worried that if i dont then he'll go look somewhere else. but that's my insecurities talking... QUOTE]
Huh?
try doing it with another guy and your boy friend
Well after many lengthy discussions about it, we both came to neutral agreement to hold off on the idea for a while. Granted we still talk about it in a playful manner every now and again, but the important thing is he knows where I stand on it.
And to be honest I wouldn't mind doing it one day. I'm just not at that point yet and he understands this....he knows I have insecurities to work through.
your fine, maybe make it a 4som, i have been in many 3 and 4 som's. all in fun, never any bad feelings. 3 soms are the hardest if it is for the first time. just never let the third be someone you know.
Well we're planning one now so who knows what will happen.
3somes or 4somes or group sex will ONLY work if every member of the group is fully comfortable seeing their partner with another person in the most intimate of ways!
We're talking oral, kissing, ****ing, double penetration, anal, etc!
If one has ANY real hangups about it, then in most cases, it won't work.
You have to have a VERY solid relationship and, at least in my case, be turned on by the idea of seeing and being seen having sex in front of your primary partner!
I suppose that's another factor I'm bringing into this rawbob...what if I don't live up to his 2 women fantasy expectation? I'm not exactly all that into women, although I am curious and willing to try anything once.
But like I said, insecurities and fears aside, it's happening but on MY terms and he knows this...I pick her out, I decide when, I decide if she stays the night or not, and blah blah blah blah. He may not even have sex with her the first time (actually that's probably a given lol).
And I've even told him I'm up for a 3some of my own :)
i dont know, always wanted to try a threesome, but cant bring myself to do it. hes never mentioned it so for now 'let sleeping dogs lie'.
thats awesome that you're going to try it. always good to experiment and try new things. i like the fact that you get to choose everything. you will inform us of how things turn out right? ;)
lol I will, although like I said, it won't be happening for quite a while now.
would women think that it would b weird if a guy wanted to have a 3 som with a girl and 2 guys. and, while doing this, the men engage in anal sex