why, we need your story

If I were you, I'd sign up for one of the free dating sites out there and put on there that you are willing to have a casual encounter or whatever the appropriate option is and when the opportunity comes up, take it! Don't be afraid to message other members either.

First off, if you want it to be a relationship and care if this woman knows more than you than you will need to tell her upfront and it's going to take longer than a month.

If you just want to lose it go to a pro, they'll teach you the ropes and won't care if you know what you are doing or not.

Why does it matter if she's a virgin or not?

You know, a lot of girls won't really care if you give them a fun night otherwise. Even if the sex is mediocre, which may not necessarily be the case, if you win them over during the date then you've got nothing to worry about.

Ok I'm a 29 year old woman who lost my virginity at 28, and then after that relationship, found a man who was a virgin at 27, we've been together over a year and have done it together, and he's the best lover I've ever had. He's thoughtful, and caring, and pays attention to what works and what doesn't, and has always looked for more from the relationship than just sex.

My point: Relax. You don't have to do this just for the sake of doing it. The right girl will be impressed that you've stuck to your guns this long.

[quote=johnnymac57;221848]It will make me feel slightly better about myself. She won't be able to compare.[/quote]

I do not think you will easily come across another woman your age who is a virgin & willing to give it up. Often it's personal reasons or religious & generally they will stick with them.

Best chances? Go out and date, get to know a woman [no time limits], if you begin going down the "intimacy" path, let her know the truth, and show you the way. Practice. Be honest when in the situation; however, not shouting to every person you are a virgin.

Or find a woman who is willing to help you out & one you trust.

You really gotta work on that self-esteem.

If you don't think it's gonna be good, then you can be sure as hell that she know it won't...

Women, in my experience, can smell insecurities from a mile off, and often it makes someone unattractive.

How do you think someone else will find you attractive if you don't yourself? Positive reinforcement!

You seem like a smart guy, and you definitely mean well. You have all that's required to be successful at dating, so grow a set and make it happen!

[QUOTE=johnnymac57;221851]I thought stories like that were just fairy-tales these days. Good to know, makes me feel slightly less desperate.[/QUOTE]

Haha I know. I had started to think that myself. But ya know, this keeping virginity or not thing is about YOU, not just sex itself. It's about determining what you truly want for yourself. If in your heart you want the relationship first, do it that way, and don't put a time limit on when sex happens. When my bf and I did it for his first time, we both wanted it at the time, but then it took a while before we actually had intercourse again-we had collectively decided we weren't quite as ready for it as we'd thought. Which is more than OK. We 'fooled around' in other ways plenty before the first time and before we went back to actual sex. It's all a learning experience-you need the communication, the connection, the chemistry-you need to listen and learn each other. And when we got there and tried it again, OMG is all I'm gonna say. And don't worry about being nervous about sex, we all are until we get some experiences under our belts and learn a few things.

All this is natural for you to have running through your mind. IMO, and my bf actually said this first, so I know he agrees, wait until you're ready, and then wait another couple months at least, because often you think you're ready but you're not as ready as you thought you were.

Eph must have been posting at the same time as me or I would have said this already. He makes a good point. Be authentically who you are, be comfortable with and proud of it, and let it show. THAT'S what attracts people and THAT'S how you'll find the right one for you.

DO NOT ACT. Your actions in the bedroom will betray you and she'll wonder why you lied. And if you're looking for a real relationship, the first things you need are honesty, trust and communication.

[quote=johnnymac57;221858]Ok

Quoting Chris Rock. " When a guy goes over to talk to a lady, she is not meeting him she is meeting his representative ."

I just have to be a good actor, pretend that I am confident and know what I am doing.[/quote]

Be confident in who you ARE. Just speak to women as if you are getting to know them as a friend. Expect nothing and keep the doors open if you hit it off. If you do just ask for her number and call. Don't try to be someone who you are not, be you, and just talk as you do to friends. Put differently, Relax.

Write 4 descriptors here of your best qualities [either noticed by yourself or described as from a friend]:

1-
2-
3-
4-

[quote=johnnymac57;221862][quote=sera300;221861]Write 4 descriptors here of your best qualities [either noticed by yourself or described as from a friend]:

1-Sense of humour (which dissapears when I am nervous)
2-good listener
3-girls have told me I have nice hands
4-I am strong and fit[/quote]

There is an excellent place to begin; go out and listen to what women are telling you and ask questions...use your sense of humor to break the ice and open the doors. All sound as if you have good attributes; I picked up on your sense of humor immediately; and you did not get defensive with any one's advice.

You have the world to gain and no reason to be self-conscious. You have much to offer and let the attitude flow of these attributes...let them be visible to women...that will give you confidence. Being a virgin; that is an easy remedy if you view it as a handicap. Not many women would think odd, if you were getting intimate, being truthful, and you were open to new adventures. It's just your attitude towards it.

When I am nervous, I fidget! keep the humor, it's a great quality and relax!
When you get nervous ask her something about herself that you would like to know. Women really do not bite! :)

Find a nice cougar interested in young men.

[quote=johnnymac57;221873][quote=sera300;221864][quote=johnnymac57;221862]

Thanks for your help. It is easy to tease and look down on people who are in my situation. I am glad you gave me some positive input, and didn't cut me down. It is ladies night at my local pub on Tuesday, I will go over and talk to some of them instead of sitting in the corner joking around with my sports buddies.[/quote]

There are plenty of women who wish men would stop talking to their friends and walk over! Too often when I go out with friends, there are a group of single men too entrenched in their "buddy talk" to wake up and see the women. So we, women, go home annoyed since their are the bar lushes who hit on you or the guys out for a once in a while chat with friends--busy talking! Next time our friends want to go out for a drink, we have sworn never again, and decline!

Why tease you; you waited due to your beliefs. Keep your values and make a choice. Find a good balance between both religion and core values/ethics.

Now decide are you looking for first a woman to show you the ropes the first time? Or to wait until you are in a relationship?

Masturbation helping? I am not a man but I really do not think so [I assume you do that regularly] since there are different experiences between the two--a live person v. your mind/body alone. If you have never masturbated; might want to try it before to see what feels good to you. he point is the majority of women enjoy making men happy sexually. You need to know what feels good to your body & how. I am with evil...find a eager cougar. The majority of men I have asked stated the first time was just that. When in a relationship sex changes from just good sex to love & sex. You have to find which you want first.

No worries my man. I was older than you, went to the pros (they are GODSENDS!!! Honestly!).. You pay your fee, you get your tail, you leave a no longer virgin man. It's all good.

I would suggest that you be sure to make full use of a review board in your area. Get someone who is well reviewed and loved by punters in that area. Otherwise you're taking a shot in the dark where you would have been better off beating off for a few more years.

By the way, dating sites are the way to go. I wish I had listened to that advice some years ago. Still though, the pros kick a$$!!!!

Yes, a cougar is vernacular for a woman who's into younger men.

Hey, don't worry so much. Even falling off the bike can be fun sometimes can't it? Truly, ya gotta just relax about all this. And I still say get the relationship first if that's where your heart is.

In your original post it's a month, then if it's longer than 6 months I'll go with a pro. why? what is your hurry? what will happen if you meet someone Tues nite and she wants to give it a year, are you not ready to commit and just want to lose your virginity?
I say relax, it really is something that is natural, read some of the sticky's about your first time it will help prepare you. When it's right then do it. I understand you were in this church for 24 years and decided to remain a virgin, those years ment something to you then don't throw all that out. Yes your views are changing but your past is still your past.

Not sure about the Pro suggestion...........I think that anytime things are forced
tension has a tendency to arise. There are no right or wrong answers here. Just
go with the flow and things will probably work out just fine. The cougar suggestion
perhaps some merit. They can have a lasting impression on a younger guy for sure.
Cougar/Fan.........was probably not the best combination. They have a tendency
too show up outside the locker room at the worst times..........LOL

[quote=johnnymac57;221882]yes I have masturbated before, of course. This cougar story: do you mean a slightly older woman say 30-35 who is a little lonely and will show me a few things?

***Perhaps a recently divorced lady in the age bracket you mentioned, who enjoys your company...not all are lonely. Some just really enjoy & want sex--and they have the experience.

What are the most common mistakes that a novice makes when having sex for the first time, and can they be avoided? Or is it like riding a bike (you have to fall a few times before you get the hang of it)[/quote]

***Yes, you ride a bike & fall of a few times. Slightly more mature women are understanding & willing to keep working at it. A romantic relationship is not mandatory, but respect & friendship are. If you want to wait out for a relationship, wait months or a year, your choice. However, you need to decide. The only merit in being a virgin is what it means to you. A person who has ethics, morals, values, kind, smart, in daily life is what I look for. I find no merit in waiting. Why? You need to be certain you are sexually compatible. It's a personal choice; merit is in your brain not in being a virgin or how long you wait.

You have to decide how you feel and follow what YOU want.

johnny - the past is the past. Decide what you want and go for it. Yes, a cougar is an older and more experienced woman who happens to prefer younger men.

I know one lady for whom you are now too old.

EEK, don't leave a last sentence like that PLEASE.............He is already
TOO OLD for Sera???????? Is that what you were neglecting to say?

[quote=constantlylearning;221930]EEK, don't leave a last sentence like that PLEASE.............He is already
TOO OLD for Sera???????? Is that what you were neglecting to say?[/quote]

Dear... I stick with men my own age. As far as playing; not part of the equation for me.

Hey, it was EEK not me. I may have MISREAD butttttttttttttttt I really
think she was talking about you the COUGAR. LOL

I think this has a naughty tone to it...............

[quote=constantlylearning;221943]I think this has a naughty tone to it...............[/quote]I believe EEK was referring to someone she knows & not me.

Ohhhhhhhhhh, my fault entirely.:o:o

[quote=constantlylearning;221956]Ohhhhhhhhhh, my fault entirely.:o:o[/quote] Must be the IT divide thing! True intent is lost without direct contact. I do believe she might be referring to someone else.

No, not Sera. CL stop flirting, thank you.

Ok grumpy...........LOL

[quote=johnnymac57;221990]I am working on the problem. I would like to know the answer to the question I asked you though?[/quote]

Which question & from who?

[quote=constantlylearning;221988]Ok grumpy...........LOL[/quote]

NANANANA Tooold you sooooo... :)

I still want to know WHY the hurry, a month, a year heck you've waited 28 relax. Have you been in a relationship with a female before? High school, college, ever? I understand that at that time because of your relationship with your church you stayed a virgin, was she also a member of this church? If not did you two ever even discuss sex? And if you did what were her opinions?
Eventually it will all depend on you, and what you are comfortable with.

Why the hurry?

Well, look at his age cadre. Most the his buddies are in relationships, getting on with their careers and lives and they have little time for him. Soon his buddies will be married, raising children - and there he is - the virgin.
That's why.

Those still in school, might have a different prespective, but a man who is about to be 30 wants to be getting on in the world.

Again, Johnny, you need to decide what your true priority is, in your heart. In this moment, what's most important to you? Being able to honestly say you're not a virgin and having the experience to go along with it, or having the sex be a part of a truly meaningful relationship? One is not inferior to the other, you just have to search yourself and make the call.

But I do agree with Eph and Sera when they say be confident in WHO YOU ARE, whatever that may entail. There's only something wrong with being a virgin at 28 if you choose to allow that something to exist within your own mind. The only person who has to be happy with who and what you are is YOU.

I would say that if you are wondering around just looking to lose your virginity, would pry be looked at as the same as just trying to get laid. And that Probably is not going to get you what you are looking for. I would say get the idea out of your mind (I know that is hard, I waited till 28), but get it out of your mind and just try to meet some girls. You could even try the online thing if you wished, just be careful bout who ya meet. But it worked for me. LOL

The dating world is brutal and Johnny here is, basically, unarmed. He's bringing nothing to a gunfight. Most women, and it isn't just me saying this, prefer a man to know what to do with them when she throws herself into his arms. The latest survey, Aug 2008, indicated that most women preferred their prospective husbands to have had between 5 and 8 previous sexual partners.

EEK, what survey is that? How old are these women that want 5 to 8 previous partners. I know at 47 I'm not finding a guy with less than 2 or 3 depending on marriage. That just seems like a really high number for a woman to "want" a partner to of already had.
And Johnny, do some soul searching. To hell with the guys, it's you you look at in the mirror. Go on some dates, bringing a good looking woman along will shut them up. And you don't have to sleep with her, it's none of their business, respect her with that response and you'll soon find a woman to love.

Those "stats", and I use that term loosely, seem terribly high. Find what makes
you CONTENT.................................