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thanks
Thanks for your input, here is more info and questions answered.
"He says he will drop it and then keeps bringing it up?" It isn't just him that brings it up, it might come up in a joke or something. But mainly because we have unusual jobs. We both manage websites...adult websites. So we see porn 5 days a week, and 5 days a week we have to see anal porn. It isn't something that comes up weekly or monthly, sometimes not for several months, but it still seems to creep up. Sometimes in an arguement, sometimes we just sit and talk about issues. But it isn't always him.
How does he he react and what does he say when you are crying and feeling sick about it? Last night he did what he could to calm me down, In my mind I wanted him to want me, for me, nothing anal involved. I wanted to feel wanted, but that isn't how it worked out. He paid attention to me by giving me a back rub though.
Why are you even considering letting him do it again after your "tore" last time? re you that insure with your marriage that you will let him do this to you at the risk of your health, happiness and sanity? I think that I am willing to do it to make him happy. I don't want to be boring to him, I have to compete with what we see for our job. I feel like he is missing out by being with me but yet has to see all the exciting stuff on the computer everyday. I am very insecure in myself, I don't feel good enough to be with him.
I have researched several times and several ways about going on with anal sex, I am not thinking about doing it like the pros do. I personally feel that anal is disgusting for ME, what other people do is fine, if it is fun for someone else then great, but I get no pleasure from it at all, when he touches the area I don't feel anything positive. Someone said that "Stimulating the anus helps jump start an elusive orgasm in addition to just feeling fantastic", I don't feel that positive effect, it feels like pain and uncomfortablness. He doesn't want me to perform anal acts on him, although I don't want to anyways.
The last time he inserted his finger it was when I was having an orgasm, it didn't make it stronger, it went away and didn't come back.
My reactions may be over the top, but that is just me. I would rather not know about a medical condition rather than have a medical exam. A doctor did do an exam without telling me first, my pants will never be down for that doctor again, I screamed and jumped off the table. It was a reaction, it wasn't something I could control.
I have several sex toys, and I know that there are ones for anal use, that is one that we used, but it hurt, you couldn't get smaller than the one we used either. I had used half a tube of anal ease and tons of KY, but it still hurt.
My husband has said that he wants to drop it, I wish it were that simple. How can it be dropped when it is in our face everyday, it is bound to come up again and again.
He knew that I was cutting myself and he pushed me to go get on meds, which I did for awhile.
I did make an appointment with a counceler and I will go back on meds. I feel like I am a complete mess and I don't want my children to see that.
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